The child's growth road, like a gorgeous picture, slowly unfolds on the horizon, we expect the wind and waves to be calm, the years are quiet, but we don't know, the undercurrent surging under the water surface is the norm.
In the process of parenting, many parents often encounter a challenge: the child is emotional, or violent for various reasons, or arguing with you, or even other excesses. As a parent, what do you do at this moment?
Once, I received a message from my son's homeroom teacher, to the effect that the child was late in the morning and was punished for standing early to read, which had a bad impact on the individual and the class, and I hope parents should pay attention. Seeing this news, I was a little puzzled, first, the child never mentioned it, and second, I saw the time every day to send it, how could I be late? After that, you can leave a few minutes early.
On the way out of school, we chatted in a warm and peaceful atmosphere. I mentioned it by chance: How did the teacher say that you are often late lately? Before the words fell, the little man sitting behind the passenger seat immediately roared: If you are late, you will be late, and if you are punished, you will be punished, and you will be punished for standing, isn't it more sober to stand and read? What's there! ......If it weren't for the roof, the rage of that moment would have catapulted him out.
For a moment, I was struck by his anger, I didn't expect such a big reaction from the usually well-behaved child at this moment: was it disgust with the parent's inquiry? Or is it dissatisfaction with the teacher's complaint? Or is it an insult to the self-esteem of the penalized station? I don't know why, and I didn't ask again.
When he finished venting, I smiled and said slowly: Don't get excited, don't get excited. I'm not reproaching, I understand your son! When I read this information, I felt sorry for you, why do you get up early in the morning to go to school every day, other people's children can sit, but my son has to be criticized and ridiculed and stand up to read early! When this sentence was finished, the small red balloon that was about to ** just now slowly shrank down and tended to be calm. And at this moment, my heart was full of tears.
Since then, the child is no longer late, and our communication has been smooth all the way!
A child's emotional world is complex and subtle, and they may change from happiness to frustration or from anger to calm in an instant. To understand a child's inner world, we need to master a skill, which is to "catch the child's emotions".
So how do you get to grip your child's emotions?
First, ask yourself: How are you emotional when your child is emotional?
We need to learn to control our emotions first. This does not mean completely suppressing one's emotions, but rather keeping one's emotions stable while understanding and accepting your child's emotions: take a deep breath, calm down, be quiet for a while, and open your mouth.
Second, try to put yourself in your child's shoes, imagine their situation, feel their emotions, and confirm your child's feelings in a gentle tone: I understand you, I understand that you are angry and sad right now. Let the child feel that he is accepted and that he is loved.
Again, encourage expression: Encourage your child to express their feelings, even if their emotions don't seem reasonable, and allow them to vent.
Finally, learn to listen: When a child is emotional, the first thing to do is to listen to them. Don't rush to interrupt or judge, let your child fully express his feelings.
Deal with emotions first, then solve them. Maybe it's each other's emotions that are the root problem.
The American social psychologist Festinger has a well-known theory called "Festinger's Law": 10% of life is made up of what happens to you, and the other 90% is determined by how you react to what happens. In other words, there are 10% of things in life that we can't control, and the other 90% that we can control.
First-time parents, we are also newbies, and the experiences of others are for reference only. Only by understanding and accepting can we build a warm and harmonious emotional buffer for the child, so that he can land safely and grow up slowly.