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Mr. Yang Jiang: "If you are getting better and better, more and more enthusiastic, more and more tolerant, more and more obedient, and more and more spoiled to a person, then this person will definitely become the person who cherishes you the least in the world." This may seem like a simple sentence, but it incomparably reveals a common misunderstanding in interpersonal communication. We often think that treating others with kindness and warmth will undoubtedly be rewarded in the end, and at the same time, it will also promote a more harmonious relationship between people. However, we live in a world full of uncertainties, things don't go our way, and everything can change.
When we unleash our kindness, bow our heads, and try to win the favor and respect of others in a groveling manner, the other party will gradually take our efforts for granted, and even take them as obligations, ignoring that we also have ourselves, and we also have independent feelings and needs. As time goes by, the more we give, the less they may cherish us. Although this phenomenon is not difficult to understand cognitively, in practice we often deviate from the track of reason.
When we lose ourselves, become a person who lacks self, and only takes it as our responsibility to satisfy others, the awe and cherishment of others will gradually wear away. They will see our efforts as the norm, take them for granted, and ignore our existence. Excessive pampering of others actually hides the nourishment of the root of their greed. They have gained our pampering and are used to it, seeing it as the established norm. They don't care about what we give anymore because in their minds, we've become "should" pay for them.
Unbridled favors are extremely detrimental to oneself. It lowers our value and status in the eyes of others, placing us on a lower level. When we occasionally express dissatisfaction or make some demands, they turn against each other and feel that we are "no longer so selfless and submissive." The improvement of the mindset often leads to the deterioration of the relationship, which affects the harmony of interpersonal communication.
Therefore, there should be limits to what we can do to others, and excessive giving and pampering often leads to an imbalance in the relationship. We should understand the importance of protecting ourselves and express our emotions and needs in a timely manner. If others are accustomed to being different from us, and suddenly we are no longer as nice to them as we used to, they will feel lost and even begin to doubt us. Therefore, we must know how to grasp, and we cannot ignore ourselves while being spacious to others, why give up ourselves in order to satisfy others, and we cannot blindly indulge and spoil others.
In interpersonal interactions, we should maintain our independence and dignity, and at the same time learn to build equal and balanced relationships with others. Our kindness should not be a burden or a matter of course for others, but should become a source of nourishment for each other, so that we can cherish each other. Your favor to him should be limited, not endlessly obedient and submissive, but affectionate care without violating principles. Your love can be flamboyant and passionate, but there must be a boundary, and once this boundary is crossed, love may disappear in obscurity.