How to go from screwing to being generous

Many twisted people have the following characteristics when interacting with people:

Hesitating, wanting to hide when he sees difficulties, often in a dilemma.

Timid and sensitive, afraid of rejecting and being rejected by others.

Cranky and trying to compete with yourself.

Don't dare to show your true feelings.

For me who is sometimes an I person and sometimes an E person, it is sometimes easy to fall into a state of twisting, and this state will greatly deplete our psychological energy.

When I consciously changed this state, I felt that many of my interpersonal problems suddenly became clear.

Being clear about your own boundaries" and "respecting the boundaries of others" is what makes a relationship healthy.

At the end of last year, a good friend invited me to travel to Yunnan together, but because I was unemployed at home for a year to take a driver's license and a teaching fund, I had no income**, and I had little savings left, so I rejected my friend.

At the beginning, I was also entangled for a long time, thinking that my friend finally had time to come out to play, I can't spoil the fun, but if I hit a swollen face and become fat, I can't match her consumption level after going, and the experience brought is not good, so this trip is better not to go.

So after thinking about it, I told my friends all these true thoughts. What made me happy was that my friend was able to understand me, and then she went to Yunnan on her own, and my friend could enjoy the journey alone without me.

After this incident, I learned that sometimes it is not so scary to take the initiative to refuse. We need to clarify the boundaries of our self in the process of interpersonal communication according to our actual situation.

In the past, I didn't dare to refuse others, because I was reprimanded for refusing my parents' requests in childhood, and because I was mentally immature when I was a minor, and if I rejected others, I might lose a friend.

ButA truly healthy relationship is one that is not afraid of rejection and rejection.

In the kingdom of the self, there are unique personal rules for things such as time, energy, emotions, thoughts, property, etc., and a person with clear boundaries can dare to say "no" when broken.

People with blurred boundaries are often frustrated and wronged in interpersonal relationships, and will only blindly suppress and sacrifice themselves, but are often offended intentionally or unintentionally.

Therefore, the premise of equality in relation is to have a clear "".Self-boundaries

Establish your own boundaries first, and then you will know how to respect the boundaries of others. Take good care of yourself first, and then you will know how to care for others.

When the conversation goes off the normal boundary, it's a good idea to improvise.

My previous personality was a bit too rigid and humorous, and I liked to be more serious in everything I did.

For example, in elementary school, he and his table mates would fight because the first stroke of the handwritten "夭" was too flat and looked like "heaven", and they judged that the words he wrote were wrong;

For example, when a good friend of many years was in junior high school, she was very happy, and when we asked her what she was happy about, she mysteriously told us that she ate food that helped her get excited, and I always didn't believe it.

For example, a writing friend I just met asked me in the way of Peking Opera recitation, "How old is the girl, where is her home, and how many brothers and sisters are there?" I thought it was checking my account, so I refused to answer.

If only I could go back in time,

I'll say to my tablemates, ".Your handwriting is against the sky, if you don't change it, I can't guarantee that you won't go to heaven when the teacher comes! I would say to a good friend".Where did you buy it, bring me a copy!

I would say to the friend who wrote; “He is 3,000 years old, lives in the Milky Way, and has hundreds of millions of brothers and sisters

And there is oneThe other party knows your careful thinking and is willing to accompany you to act with a sense of security.

So, the best way to deal with a bad, sudden, out-of-the-box problem is to use "".Accept first, think laterto replace "anxiety and unhappiness". Life is like this, it's always full of accidents, you don't know what the next chocolate will taste like, you don't know what the other person will say next.

Life always likes to joke with us, and all we can do is learn to respond to it in an "improvisational" way. Catch the drama that life gives us and think about what else we can do to make the moment better and more interesting.

Sometimes, we need to break the fixed thinking and rigid thinking, and we can make life's problems, frustrations, dilemmas, and boredom sound and colorful.

Then our perspective on people and things will become more open-minded and rich.

Express your feelings sincerely, and the other party will also be infected and driven by you.

If the other party is not sincere, then there is no need to worry about messing up, because a relationship that is not sincere is not worth it.

When someone you like is about to leave you, you don't have to be sad, you can express your sadness directly:

I'll be sad if you leave me, but that's okay. ”

Someone once said this to me, and I felt a kind of sincerity full of love and extreme tenderness.

It's cool to express your feelings directly, even if you lose them, and you can be generous.

When you feel nervous when you meet someone you like, you can also say it generously:

The atmosphere of meeting you made me a little nervous. ”

Once when a blind date told me this, I told him that we don't need to be nervous to chat normally, and I have become more relaxed, and I talked a lot of things that I didn't intend to say.

If you sincerely reveal your true feelings, the people around you will be infected, and they will become relaxed and soft, and they can take off their pretense and talk to each other.

This very attractive quality is--True

When you learn this "skill", you will be hooked up with someone who likes the "real you".

Expressing your true self will make the other person know you better, feel your love, and promote the formation of trust in each other through the exchange of private information.

If you want to meet the right person, you have to let go of your pretense and boldly express your true thoughts. If you like the real you, the other party will stay, and if you don't like it, you will leave automatically. It's also a great way to screen for a person's suitability for a relationship.

So, it's as simple as that: trust the right person to like the real you.

Conclusion

Screwing is a state of mind that is very prone to internal friction, and if it lasts for too long, it will consume our action, willpower, and concentration to do things.

And the best way to improve this state is to face the problem positively, and when you realize that negative thoughts are appearing, you might as well give it a try with the method shared by Yunwei today:

Establish your own boundaries while respecting the boundaries of others;

In the face of life's jokes, come to an impromptu performance;

Express your feelings and thoughts directly.

-end-

About the author: Yunwei 97 years of Hangpiao two years of naked resignation and new ** operation.

Focus on Learning and Sharing: Personal GrowthWriting|Reading|Psychological|Cognition|Self**.

I look forward to helping more people while realizing the value of my life