In the work "Life Needs a Sense of Luxury", there is such a sobering proverb:
What you focus on determines what kind of character you will be portrayed. ”
In the face of the world's prosperity and complexity, we must understand that not all personnel are worth our efforts to deal with.
We need to cultivate a kind of wisdom in dealing with trivial and insignificant people and things, that is, to learn to let go at the right time, not to be deliberately welcomed, and to avoid excessive involvement. As the wise man on the Internet said, "Those who make life better know how to focus their energy precisely on what matters." ”
In our youth, it may be difficult to avoid spending time and hesitating on something that is not grandiose.
However, as we grow older, we should remember not to turn these three issues into confusion when it comes to the focus of our lives.
Sing your own play, don't tear down other people's stages
Someone on the Zhihu platform once asked: "What kind of ignorance is a person most likely to fall into?" A netizen gave a profound insight: "Trying to achieve the goal of self-exaltation by belittling others is really ignorant. ”
In life's journey, we can't help but feel admiration for the achievements of others. However, if we regard the gains of others as our own losses, and thus indulge in a vicious circle of comparison and dismantling, it is not only harmful to others, but also to ourselves. This truth is vividly illustrated in a story in a book.
Back in the era when smartphones were first emerging, the protagonist Yan Zhi had a keen insight into business opportunities and resolutely opened a mobile phone store, while her husband Lao Ma was not far behind, learning mobile phone repair technology at the pace of the times.
The two worked together, one focusing on purchasing and sales, and the other focusing on after-sales service and maintenance, which made the store prosperous and famous.
However, success often comes with covetousness from peers. Neighbor Lao Li saw that Lao Ma's mobile phone store was in full swing, and he had the idea of imitating it. He first quietly sent people to investigate the hot-selling mobile phone models in Yan Zhi's store, and then took the opportunity of daily chatting to constantly ask Lao Ma for maintenance skills.
After just two months of preparation, Lao Li's mobile phone store was also announced, and its variety of goods was richer than that of Yan Zhi's family, and the price was even higher than that of Lao Ma's family.
Whenever customers have questions about the ** in Lao Li's store, he secretly denigrates Yan Zhi's family for having irregular supply channels and poor product quality; And when someone came to Lao Ma to repair his mobile phone, Lao Li ridiculed them for believing in the "half-hanging" craftsmanship and would only be deceived.
This kind of behavior just confirms the answer about ignorance - to set off oneself in a way that devalues others is actually the biggest misunderstanding of one's own worth.
However, this phenomenon is becoming more and more significant, Lao Ma's business is as prosperous as cooking oil on fire, on the other hand, Lao Li's shop is often cold and uncaring.
Finally, on the occasion of an old Ma's store celebration, Lao Li, who was burning with jealousy, gathered people with the intention of destroying the other party's celebration.
First of all, they firmly grasped the background of the old horse's "halfway change", and violently criticized its maintenance technology for not being professional enough; After seeing Lao Ma in an embarrassment, Lao Li pursued after the victory, maliciously slandered the poor quality of his goods, and demanded compensation for losses.
In this farce, Lao Ma had no choice but to call the police for help.
As a result, Lao Li was not only detained in accordance with the law, but his personality and reputation were also seriously questioned, and his business has deteriorated since then.
There is a proverb in the West: "Someone hides a skeleton in the depths of their closet." This implies that there is a dark side to human nature, and all kinds of negative emotions are like dormant beasts, which can erupt at any time.
is like Lao Li in the story, when he sees others succeeding, he feels jealous, and when he meets others, he takes the opportunity to strike.
However, he doesn't realize that when you cut off the ladder of promotion for others, you may also face a dilemma where you have no way out; When you tear down someone else's stage, you lose the opportunity to perform.
The famous writer Liu Mingli once said in his work "Middle Age in the Mirror": "It is a waste of life to spend time in comparison with others all your life." ”
Life is short and precious, and we should focus on self-improvement and perfection instead of racking our brains to entangle with others.
Instead of wantonly creating trouble for others, it is better to take your own life path steadily.
Nurture your own heart, don't raise the eyes of others
Have you ever experienced such a moment:
The urge to share the circle of friends surged in my heart, but because I was afraid of those possible negative comments, after weighing it repeatedly, I finally chose to clear the content of the edit box with one click;
Although he enjoys the tranquility of solitude in his heart, he is forced to participate in one social gathering after another under the pressure of integrating into the group;
Although he knows that he is not good at something, he does it in order to meet the expectations of others.
We often mistakenly think that the outside world looks like a beast of prey, so we are cautious at every step for fear of making a mistake. However, as the Japanese writer Yamamoto profoundly revealed: "What is more terrifying than the sharp gaze of the world is the emotional shackles in our hearts that care too much about the gaze of others." ”
Take film director Greta Gerwig, for example, who has dreamed of becoming the world's top female director since she was a child. However, the stereotypes and prejudices around her about "female directors" almost stillborn her dream.
In his childhood, when Gerwig organized a play, he was ridiculed for "lacking the appearance of a girl";
In middle school, just as she was enthusiastically assigning tasks and explaining ideas to her classmates, a piercing question rang out: "You're such a control freak!" How can a girl be keen to command others? This experience has led her to realize that an ambitious woman is often ostracized.
In order to avoid being seen as an outlier in the crowd, at the age of thirteen, Gerwig embarked on a painful journey of self-reinvention.
In her youth, she, like many girls, wrote the word "**" against her will on filling out the ideal questionnaire;
After entering the workplace, in view of the society's inherent concept of female directors, she had no choice but to compromise and turned to screenwriting;
In the process of creation, in order to cater to the aesthetic taste of the public, she even did not hesitate to sacrifice her original intention of creation and adjust the main line of the story.
Despite Gerwig's best efforts to hide her true self and meet everyone's expectations, she still can't escape the accusation of "incompetence".
Eventually, she was empowered and realized, "If I can reinvent myself on a deeper level, I may be able to meet their expectations, but unfortunately, I can't do it, I can only be true to myself." ”
Subsequently, she resolutely stepped into the field of directing, no longer keen to cater to the taste of the public, but devoted all her efforts to weaving her own stories and shooting her own film world.
Until "Lady Bird" stood in the hearts of thousands of fans with its unique female perspective and became a symbol of women's independence; "Little Women" has won the world's attention with its proud attitude of sweeping many Oscar awards; And last summer's "Barbie" was popular all over ......the world with its unique charm
Gerwig continues to transform her personal experiences of women into the art of light and shadow, and her life becomes richer and freer.
One of her favorite sayings is: "Don't let your life be dictated by other people's evaluation systems." ”
What often disorients us is not the distractions of the outside world, but the excessive desire to cater to others.
As Mr. Mu Xin once said: "This world belongs only to you, and has nothing to do with others." ”
Paying attention to the opinions of others can help us better examine ourselves and reflect on ourselves. Paying too much attention to the gaze of others will only increase our anxiety and low self-esteem.
Therefore, we should learn to give up being the scenery in the eyes of others and try to respond to the call of our hearts, so that we can reach true harmony and unity in life.
Plant your own flowers, don't prune other people's trees
The famous writer Lian Yue once profoundly pointed out: "If we can maintain respect and distance from other people's private affairs, and accept the differences in others' moral concepts, lifestyles and ourselves, then we will be able to eliminate at least ninety percent of the troubles in life." "In this vast world, everyone has their own way of life, and we don't need to interfere too much in other people's lives.
I have a friend who chose to stay in the picturesque city of Hangzhou after graduating from university. When he learned that his childhood sweetheart was still unemployed, out of enthusiasm, he sincerely invited the other party to come to Hangzhou to look for job opportunities.
I thought that this move could help the other party improve their living situation, but I did not expect that this kind act not only failed to achieve the original intention, but caused a series of unexpected troubles for myself.
After arriving in Hangzhou, he did not actively participate in the army of job seekers, but indulged in the world of online games and could not extricate himself. Friends saw it in their eyes and worried about it, and tried hard to persuade him to submit his resume as soon as possible, but Fa Xiao only agreed verbally, until he was shy in his pocket, and reluctantly accepted a job.
However, the job was extremely short-lived, and after only two months, Fa Xiaoqi chose to quit his job after receiving his salary and returned home.
Seeing this, my friend couldn't sit idly by and decided to lend a hand again. On the one hand, he carefully polished Fa Xiao's resume, on the other hand, he mobilized his network resources, turned to old friends for help, and finally found a new position for Fa Xiao with great difficulty.
Unfortunately, although this job opportunity was not easy to come by, Fa Xiao did not cherish it. Not only does he react negatively to work every day, but he even regards frequent leave and early departure as the norm. Gradually, he became the dispensable existence in the company, and finally could not escape the fate of being fired.
At this time, Fa Xiao's mother called a friend, accusing him of failing to take proper care of Fa Xiao, which caused his work situation to be in turmoil. He even reprimanded him for misleading Fa Xiao, so that two years passed, but he failed to save any savings.
This experience undoubtedly revealed the deep meaning of Mr. Lian Yue's wise words: Respecting other people's life choices is sometimes the key to avoiding many troubles.
Recalling his experience of being a "big resentment", netizens finally let go of the helping complex and let him go back to his hometown.
Someone once profoundly explained: "Life is like an intricate picture, and its rich and diverse colors and lines are made up of countless large and small choices, which together constitute every crucial turning point in our life." ”
Regardless of whether an individual's current situation is good or bad, it seems to be fickle on the surface, but in fact, there is a clear causal context hidden in every step. Encountering many hardships is not a deliberate difficulty in life, but an inevitable result of past choices; And the smooth road is not dependent on the guidance of others, but comes from countless explorations and practices of the self.
Those passwords that are enough to pry the wheel of fate are actually firmly in everyone's heart, just waiting to be discovered and used by themselves.
If others try to forcefully meddle in the trajectory of their personal destiny, it will not only be difficult to truly change the direction of the other person's life, but may put themselves in a passive situation. After all, everyone has their own piece of spiritual idyll, where the barrenness or prosperity can neither be fully perceived by others, nor can it be pruned in place of cultivation.
Therefore, the most rational attitude to life is to focus on self-growth and not easily wade into the river of other people's destinies. This is not indifference and ruthlessness, but a commitment to one's own destiny and respect for his life journey, a kind of thoughtful sobriety and open-mindedness.
Bi Shumin once profoundly elaborated:
When a person is able to adjust his entire spiritual world to the best state, he can transform into a soft veil, embracing this world full of trauma but full of life with incomparable tolerance and warmth. ”
The so-called best state is actually to withdraw the perspective of outward exploration of others, and instead deeply devote itself to the shaping and perfection of one's own world. This includes, but is not limited to:
Do not indulge in comparisons with others, do not participate in anything that denigrates or disintegrates others, but devotes herself to the drama of your own life, and strives for perfection;
Do not blindly pursue the trend, do not deliberately cater to the expectations of others, but stick to the heart, meditate and cultivate, so that your soul can be enriched and enriched;
Do not easily dictate the lives of others, do not rashly intrude into the world of others, but focus on cultivating their own spiritual garden, and water every flower of hope with their hearts.
Only in the chaos and chaos of life, can we clearly sort out the priorities and priorities, and can we calmly control and create a better life in the changing world.
Here, we sincerely invite you to click Follow, the journey of life is precious and short, may we all learn to release self-pressure, give others the space to breathe freely, and bloom together on the stage of life.