Hello everyone, I'm "he said", welcome to watch "Life Jokes Collection" (Attached: I wish you all a happy New Year's Day!）
One day it was snowing, so I didn't drive to work and took the bus. I just had headphones to bring when I was idle, and it would take half an hour to get to work and take the bus anyway, so I started listening to songs. When I was listening, a friend ripped off my headphones and said, "Dude, do you listen to desert camels?"“
I laughed and said, "How do you know?".Could it be that you don't know the meaning of the song when you hear it for the first time, and you are already a person in the song when you listen to it again?"
This guy pointed to the soles of his feet and said, "I feel the rhythm of your feet pressing my feet."
Talent, really talent!」
Yesterday, I received a wedding post from a colleague, and I got married on the 14th of this month. The colleague's surname is Bao, and the bride's surname is Jiang, saying that it is Fengzi who got married. The little sample was so happy, this was not a small party at night, and after drinking some wine, he floated: "Brothers, what name do you say my wife married when she gave birth to a child?"I don't have a good surname!”
Everyone was also talking about a few, and then the squad leader spoke: "There are two children, one with the mother's surname and the other with the father's surname." ”
Just when everyone thought he had some lofty opinions, he floated out five words: "Jiangsu, Zhejiang and Shanghai, free shipping!".”
Hey!You're a fucking talent!」
Bored in the afternoon, I watched the two uncles playing chess at the gate of the community, playing very slowly, which made people feel very powerful. I didn't play chess anymore, and I just thought there, is it so powerful?I couldn't think of it for an hour, but one uncle spoke: "You go quickly", and another uncle also spoke: "I thought it was time for you to go".
At noon, my colleague Xiao Li secretly told me: "Have you heard of it, Xiaomei, the goddess of our unit, said that she wants to marry you!."”
I secretly rejoiced: "Impossible, who did you listen to, how can I be worthy of others?".”
Xiao Li said: "She said it herself!."”
I was even more excited: "What did she say?".”
Xiao Li said: "Yesterday, I confessed to Xiaomei, Xiaomei refused me and said, you get out, I just find an idiot and won't be with you!".”
I got angry and asked, "Tell me clearly, who is the idiot!".”
Oops, my mother, I'm laughing to death!」
When I was in middle school, my family was not very wealthy, and every time I bought something, I would bargain, and I admired my bargaining skills along with the girls in my class. My classmate wanted to buy a belt, and knowing that I was good at bargaining, he invited me to go with him, and instructed, "It's up to you to bargain." ”
I said yes.
When I arrived at the stall, after choosing one, my classmates asked the boss, "How much does this belt cost?"”
The boss said, "25 bucks." ”
I cleared my throat and was about to perform the bargaining skills that I had practiced hard for many years, but unexpectedly, this second goods suddenly shouted: "It's so cheap!."”
I really wanted to give him two blows, and you ...... before I even bargained
My friend was often punished by her wife for kneeling and was bumped into by me.
I said to my sister-in-law: "If you treat your husband like this, as a man, he will be very faceless, and I look down on him a little." “
After hearing this, the sister-in-law nodded thoughtfully.
Later, his home was decorated with Buddha statues, and his husband worshipped God very religiously, and every time he worshipped, he was old for a long time.
My friend said to me, "I thank you for your advice, I used to kneel for two hours at most, but now I kneel for half a day!".”
Oops, my mother, I'm laughing to death!」
The man was in a car accident and told him, "You touch your legs and see if you still feel it?"”
The man touched the leg of the **: "Alas!."It's still quite feeling!”
* yelled, "* own legs!".”
**My own legs——Well, what is this operation?」
A high school is located in a relatively remote area, there are many graves next to it, one night I called ** and said that there was no money, and asked my parents to send me money. In the afternoon, I stood on the edge of the graveyard, less than 100 meters from the school, and after standing for a long time, I squatted there. At this time, an old man passed by and asked me curiously, "Child, it's getting dark, why are you squatting here alone?"”
I said, "I'm waiting for my family to send me money." ”
After listening to the old man running away, I looked at the old man and thought to myself, if the old man saw something dirty, and ran with it, but I didn't expect the old man to shout while running: "Don't follow me, don't follow me......”
Just sent a drunk buddy home, and the buddy insisted on getting a massage along the way. When I delivered it to the door, his wife opened the door, and my friend went up and down a lot of time and said to me, "This." It's so ugly, change it".
My sister-in-law's face twitched at the time, and it was inconvenient to see me having a seizure. So he helped him into the living room with me.
Suddenly, he got up and went to the bathroom.
After a while, I saw his wife take a ** and then angrily shook the door, I was wondering, this guy came out of the toilet and said to me: "I called my wife ** just now, and said that the company will not go back if I work overtime".
Brother, I think I'd better go first, you can do it yourself.
When a male colleague and a female colleague in the company were joking, the man accidentally sprayed perfume into the woman's eyes, and the woman burst into tears instantly, and the man said boldly: "It's okay, I'll raise you for the rest of my life!"”
It just so happened that the man's girlfriend came to pick him up from work and heard this at the door. The man didn't have time to explain, and his girlfriend decisively pulled the female colleague to his side and said, "Come, be good, call Mom!."”
Oh, what kind of operation is this?」
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