Article First Publication Challenge
Whether your parents are endlessly moving towards your life, whether your friends will joke with you without a bottom line, and whether your colleagues will tell you something without a lower limit.
If so, then you lack a sense of boundaries, which is a safe distance for self-protection.
Many people will feel that the relationship is good or relatively close, so they will narrow their "boundary" without a bottom line, in order to achieve "zero distance".
We think this is to show that we value and care about the other person, but in fact, this expression is at the cost of our own safety or our lives.
The sense of boundary is a thing that is ignored, a thing that can protect ourselves, and Sharon Martin, an American psychologist, has been in the industry for 25 years and wrote "The Sense of Boundary and the Sense of Proportion".
In order to tell us:You don't have to compromise and say goodbye to endless internal friction, you just need to learn to establish boundaries.
First of all, it is important to know that boundaries are not just physical distances, there are many kinds of them, and the corresponding functions are also different.
Physical boundaries, for example, are designed to protect our space, body, and property from harm;
Sexual boundaries protect our consent to sexual acts, the expression of sexual needs, etc.;
Emotional boundaries allow us to own our thoughts and feelings without being hurt by emotions such as denial, betrayal, etc.
There's also time boundaries, and the reason why we don't like to deal with work after work is because our time boundaries are violated, so we feel dissatisfied.
So boundaries are indirect or direct expressions of our needs and norms: I tell you I don't want to be disturbed, or I tell you I need to touch or don't need to.
All words and actions are based on our own willingness, and when we want to be happy, we feel offended.
That creates a lot of unnecessary negativity, so a sense of boundaries is something that protects yourself and others.
And the boundary is two-way, take the physical boundary as an example, my boundary is 1 meter, and the other party's boundary is 2 meters, then you can't use your own boundary to determine other people's boundaries.
In my opinion, the sense of boundaries is our psychological safety distance, within which we are all secure, rememberBoundaries are set to take care of yourself.
Rather than using our own boundaries to dictate how others should treat us, we articulate our needs to others and respect them.
So that we can happily get comfortable socializing.
There are 4 steps to setting a boundary:
1. Clarify needs and expectations；In fact, everything has a boundary, there is a limit to bearing, we must clearly and unambiguously inform the other party that our boundary is in.
In order not to let the other party cross the line, causing their own psychology to be violated and internal friction to occur.
2. Determine the boundary；This refers to the accidents in life, those things that we can't completely define the boundaries of, such as some temporary events.
There's no way to control that, so we have to adjust the boundaries that we can determine.
3. Get moving: When you encounter a need to express your boundaries, just express it directly, such as when a friend is late, and you just make it clear that the other person should not be late.
Fourth, adjust the boundary。As mentioned above, we will encounter a lot of unexpected things, and such things may continue to become regular events, so we need to adjust our boundaries.
Don't be afraid that you will give up halfway or be intermittent and unable to persevere, as soon as you start, you will be able to realize your behavior and try to change it slowly.
Speak up about your needs and let others know your boundaries, and you can be firm in your attitude, but not arrogant.
Because we are all the same, we all have our own boundaries, and we all hope that others will not cross the line, so your demands will not be rejected or denied by the other party.
Instead, it is possible that the other party will also take the initiative to tell you her boundaries.
saidNopeIt is our right, and regulating one's own boundaries is the protection of oneself and others.