1. My son is six years old, and he still doesn't want to sleep alone at night. That night he pestered his wife again, so I said to him viciously, "Boy, there can't be a second man in this bed, understand?".”
The son blinked and was about to cry, but his wife hurriedly persuaded: "Don't cry, son, your father is right, let's let him get out!." ”
2The first time I met you, it was autumn, your family harvested rice, you said you liked me, I went to your house, the rice was cut, and you suddenly said that you think we are not suitable. The second time you picked up potatoes at home, you said that we could try again, but you still liked me, and when the potatoes were finished, you went to ...... out of townThese three times, you came to me again and said that you would be with me steadily. Get out of the way, I'll pinch my fingers: it's time for your family to break corn.
3 While my husband was swimming, I borrowed his mobile phone** "Now the debt repayment will be 50% off" Half an hour later, more than a dozen people transferred money, adding up to almost 5,000, I really can't understand it, my husband handed over 2500 more than 3000 a month, he has so many foreign debts, it seems that a man's ability to hide private money is really not to be underestimated!
4 grandsons came home from school, hugged their grandfather's thighs and cried:"Grandpa, I got into trouble at school today, and someone is going to beat me up later. "Grandpa:"Who is so arrogant to come to the house and beat you?"Sun Tzu said:"Because his dad is a police officer, that's why he's so good!"Grandpa angry:"I'm also a policeman, don't be afraid, see how I clean him up!"Sun Tzu:"Well, that man is your son, he'll be back in a moment, you have to clean him up!"
5A man was so infatuated with playing the flute that he said to his wife: "When I die, bury the flute with me." A few days later, the man became obsessed with the erhu again, so he told his wife: "When I died, I buried the erhu with me." "Recently, the man has fallen in love with chimes again!The wife immediately replied: "The country is so easy to dig out, don't bury it!."
6 I mailed a box of chocolates to my boyfriend last week, I was in Guangdong, he was in Heilongjiang, and he only arrived today. Today, this second goods called me ** and said super excitedly: "Wife, did you send me chocolates?."I said, "Yes." He said, "Why is there a key in it, is it like in the movie that we are going to get married?""I'll go!The old lady's dormitory key has been lost for a week!
7 According to the usual practice, the doctor should ask the patient about the smoking history before performing the operation. The doctor asked, "Uncle, do you smoke?"Uncle: How can you have that kind of kung fu now, let's wait until it's over!
8When I was a child, my uncle came to my house. When eating, I don't want to bite off the shrimp head. My dad yelled at me, "Waste!".Ate the shrimp head!!"I was so scared that I chewed and swallowed the shrimp head, choking on tears. My uncle also trembled his hands, picked up the shrimp head he had thrown away, looked at it, and put it in my bowl: "Don't waste it."
9 used his mobile phone to take a picture of the ** when he was in elementary school and showed it to his grandmother. Grandma looked at it for a while: "Whose child looks very similar to you." She paused for a moment and then said, "Don't let your mother see it." Then he sighed: "Alas......."Your dad never reassured me. ”
10 The mother took her son to put the Kong Ming lantern, and the son asked, "How much is the Kong Ming lantern that we put in the sky?"”
Mom replied, "50 bucks." ”
The son hurriedly said: "Buy a lamp for 50 yuan, this is too expensive, right?"Why don't you give me the money! ”
The mother glanced at her son and said, "Give you 50 yuan, you can go to heaven!." ”
11. What is "despair"?
It's just that I ordered two dishes at a restaurant and ate the first one: "Is there anything more unpalatable in the world?!".
Eat the second: "I'll go!."There really is!
12. What is "white-collar" and what is "blue-collar"?
"White-collar workers" are paid salaries today, repay loans, pay rent, water, electricity and gas bills, buy oil, rice and instant noodles, touch the remaining money in their pockets, and sigh: This month's salary is white-collar again.
"Blue collar" is too lazy to receive, the foreman said that it is almost time to pay wages, and he is too lazy to collect his accommodation expenses, food expenses, lost work expenses, and medical expenses, and he still owes the boss more than 100.
Unit 13 has a new cute sister paper, I can't hold back the commotion, and I do everything I can to please her.
Just when I thought I was going to succeed, the director ordered me to go to the branch below to experience life.
How could I be willing, so I paid for a big dinner for the director, and finally the director said: You are too polite!Even if we have a good relationship, I can't let you harm me.