When it comes to inferiority, in fact, each of us will have an inferiority complex, which is nothing more serious than who is more serious and who is lighter.
After all, everyone will have their own shortcomings and shortcomings, and they will also fall into an inferiority complex for various reasons.
Low self-esteem can affect your mood, your actions, your life.
Low self-esteem can manifest itself in many ways, when you are very angry;When you want to show off to others;When you are afraid, it may be your inferiority complex.
So how do we perceive our inferiority complex?
And how can we improve our inferiority complex?
The answer lies in the book "Inferiority and Transcendence" written by psychologist Adler.
What is the nature of low self-esteem?
When people encounter problems that they cannot solve, they are prone to inferiority complex.
If a person with low self-esteem feels weak, he will run to an environment that makes him feel strong, rather than exercising to make himself stronger.
Therefore, once people have an inferiority complex, they will generally subconsciously choose to deceive themselves to escape reality.
People deceive themselves in all sorts of strange ways, even if they know they are deceiving themselves, but they are always immersed in it.
The Ah Q spirit (Spiritual Victory Method) is a typical one, because there is nothing to be done about reality, so it is necessary to obtain a sense of superiority through fantasy.
For example, why do many people like to watch cool articles and cool dramas?is because by fantasizing that you are the protagonist of Shuangwen and Shuang dramas, you can get a certain sense of superiority and satisfaction from it, so it is "cool".
People with low self-esteem may even set inappropriate goals for their fantasies and act accordingly to gain a sense of superiority, even if this sense of superiority is meaningless and unhelpful to reality.
For example, why would someone get angry outside but go home and take out their other half?Because he feels weak when bullied outside, he needs to show his strength by being violent to his significant other.
Therefore, the essence of low self-esteem is to feel powerless in reality and thus choose to escape from the real problem.
How to detect your own inferiority?
We can often see that two children have an interesting situation when comparing their heights.
Children who are afraid of their short height will straighten up and nervously maintain this position, and even stand on tiptoe to make themselves appear a little taller than they really are.
But if you ask him: "Are you worried about being short"?Children are likely to say "no".
Such examples are not uncommon in life:
In order to show that they are rich, there are many poor people who often slap their swollen faces in front of others and become fat "poor and generous", and they will buy some luxury goods to show their wealth;
There are many people who lack love who will show their personal charm by "fishing" many suitors, and they also like to deliberately show themselves in front of everyone to prove that they are the center of the world;
There are many low-status people who like to satisfy their desire for power by controlling their other half or children, and they also like to make others obey them unconditionally to show their status.
Once people feel inferior, they will think of some actions to obtain the corresponding sense of superiority, hoping to use these feelings of superiority to make up for their inferiority complex.
Therefore, we only need to look at what kind of superiority a person wants to gain to understand the inferiority complex in the other person's heart.
Now we can pause and think about it:
What have you done to seek superiority?
What are the aspects of superiority?
What exactly is behind these superiority feelings to make up for?
After figuring out these three questions, we are also aware of our inferiority.
How to change low self-esteem?
How to change the inferiority complex" is also the main theme of the author of this book.
The author believes that low self-esteem is mainly formed by the influence of childhood memories, family, school, adolescence and other factors.
WhileThe way to change your low self-esteem isSet a goal that really matters
When you understand the nature of inferiority and realize the manifestations of inferiority, then the next thing you have to do isSet a goal that is common-sense, logical, real, and meaningfuland act on it.
AbsolutelyIt also means abandoning the original illusory, meaningless goal
If it's hard to understand, I'll give you an example:
If a person finds that he will be unconsciously nervous and embarrassed when communicating with strangers, then he will be afraid to communicate with others for a long time, worrying that he will make a fool of himself in front of others.
Therefore, he will think that dealing with others is a very troublesome thing, and it is easier to be alone.
As a result, he will slowly give up social interaction and prefer to be alone and not in contact with the outside world.
The subtext of his heart is: "You see, I don't get along with others in order to make my life more comfortable, and I stay away from others because I have better choices in life."
But in fact, his insistence on this goal of "refusing to be with others" only makes him more and more timid and lonely, and does not change the nature of his fear of communicating with strangers.
If he realizes that he is escaping reality, then he should set a real and meaningful goal.
That is to overcome the fear of communicating with strangers, and the best way to overcome it is to try to communicate with strangers more, and the more you communicate, the more nervousness will naturally decrease.
To solve low self-esteem is to have the courage to change, to escape from the comfort zone of fantasy, and to really do something practical and meaningful.
After all, no one can endure the torture of low self-esteem for a long time, and enduring it for a long time will only make a person more and more depressed, and there is only harm and no good.
But when everyone has a sense of powerlessness, after all, no one is omnipotent, so it is normal to have an inferiority complex, as long as we can correctly recognize this.
Finally, to borrow a quote from the authorWe live in a relationship with others, and if we isolate ourselves because of our inferiority, we will destroy ourselves, so we must transcend our inferiority
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