Hello everyone, I'm "he said", and welcome to the "Joke Collection".
Today, when the family was shopping, my dad actually took the initiative to help my mother get the bag, remembering that he was really inconsiderate of his daughter-in-law.
But after shopping, my dad was gone, and my mom didn't have a wallet or anything, so she had to give up.
I had an epiphany ......Ginger is still old and spicy!
My daughter is two and a half years old, she fell today, she opened her mouth and cried, no matter how she coaxed, she suddenly stopped crying after a while, and said to me: Mom, my throat hurts, you can cry for me for a while. I ......
My mother-in-law bought me two buckets of fish bones, and the family cat always ate them. I wanted my husband to teach the cat a lesson, but my husband held the phone and said, "How can a cat not steal fishy?".”
I glared at my husband and was about to go crazy, when I saw my mother-in-law carrying a cat, slapped her twice, and said, "Daughter-in-law, do you see it, if you find something fishy, you will be beaten to death!."”
I wanted to get a haircut today, but my mother said that the haircut outside was too expensive for 15 yuan, so she stopped me and said that she gave me a haircut, and she said that she had learned to get a haircut when she was young, and she guaranteed to make my hairstyle cool and have a high return rate. I thought about it, saving money and it sounded good, so I let my mother take care of it.
Looking at the glamorous bald head in the mirror, I couldn't help but shed tears of remorse, and my mother actually said: "It's good that the hands are not alive".
Go home for the New Year and call ** to my father. Me: "Dad, I'll be home for the New Year in a few days, do you want a gift?"“
Dad: "I don't want anything this year, I'd be happy if I could bring a daughter-in-law home." By the way, if you can't bring it back, you shouldn't go home this year. I ......
Occasionally, I felt a cold wind, and as soon as I got home, I lay down. My six-year-old son came to see me and called me a few times. Because I was uncomfortable, I didn't say yes to him. He came directly, touched his forehead with his hand, and then put his little face on my face.
When I was feeling happy, this guy touched my chest with one hand and said, "Is my heart still beating when I touch it?"’
After about ten seconds, the guy jumped out and shouted, "Mommy, Dad's heart is not beating!".“
Egging on the child, are you still my own child?“
I went to my father-in-law's house on weekends, and my family plus a family of six. For two days, the mother-in-law was entertained with big fish and meat, and she played mahjong if she had nothing to do, and the old couple took two children to play. Sunday dinner, at the end of the meatball soup, I burped: "Mom, I'm so tired." ”
The mother-in-law's face sank like water, and the daughter-in-law whispered: "Hurry up, Mom will let us finish eating." ”
The first time I went to my girlfriend's house, during the meal, my girlfriend kept praising her mother's cooking skills, and I also smiled and echoed how delicious the dishes were.
Suddenly, my girlfriend said, "Do you know how my mother tied my dad to the house?"”
Absent-minded, I opened my mouth and said: ".Do you use a dog leash?
I was scolded today, because my son had a little cough, and my wife explained to buy some pears and go home to burn rock sugar pears for my son to drink. When I passed by the commissary to buy cigarettes, I saw a drink with rock sugar pears, and I thought to myself, isn't it exactly what I wanted, and I felt that it was too troublesome to burn myself, so I bought a bottle for my son to drink!
Then my wife found out after work and almost didn't beat me out of the!
The New Year's Eve dinner, uncles, aunts, grandparents sat at a big table!
The third grandmother couldn't get up in bed because she lived far away, her memory was not good, and she couldn't get up in bed, so she got food and fed her!
After half an hour of busy soup and water, I told the third grandmother that I was going back!
At this time, the third grandmother looked up at me and asked, "Who are you?"“
Me: "Qing'er!."”
She: ".FatI don't even recognize ......”
If you like it, follow me, more hilarious jokes will make you happy every day!