When he was in kindergarten, Erbao especially liked to play football, and also served as the football captain of the class to participate in the school's football league.
Not long after the start of the first grade, he told me one day that the school's football team personnel must pass a physical fitness test to participate in the school team.
You love sports so much, you love football, the test must be fine, and you will have no problem joining the school team. ”
As a result, his answer made me petrified, and he was so tired that he didn't even take the fitness test!
I immediately consulted with the head teacher about this, and the result was that the coach of the school team was an external employee and did not participate in the test, and it seemed that there was no room for recovery.
It's over, I blame him for missing such a good opportunity to play! The school team had no choice but to give up on this matter.
In the next week, I began to find him an off-campus football training class, and on the weekend, I pulled him to try out the class, and his joyful and cheerful appearance on the football field made me feel that this time I played football!
When I got home, I asked him how he was, why don't we come here and play football? But people still disagree, insisting that they don't like to play football!
This answer surprised me and my coach!
Today I learned Xi useEqual consultation replaces mandatory ordersIn this section, I found out that it was my own wrong behavior that caused the child's strange behavior
According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs: the need to be respected is a higher level of human needs, and if this need is not met, it will cause people to have negative emotions such as frustration and loss.
Consultation between people is very important, and of course it is also important to have children, because children often need to be respected more than adults!
At the time, I thought that Erbao had missed a good opportunity by not participating in the selection of the varsity football team. But it's just my own subjective feelings.
I didn't empathize with him from his point of view, he said that he was tired, what happened that day, I didn't ask, but ignored him and didn't care about him, and went directly to the head teacher to consult about the school team.
He must have been disappointed! disappointed and didn't understand him, and criticized and blamed him!
The following week, without consulting him, I forcibly took him to an off-campus training class, and he was very interested and beautiful on the field, but then he still said that he didn't like to play football.
He was playing with me: my disrespectful behavior and strong decision making for him aroused his disgust, and his reluctance, not accepting, rebelled against me in his own form.
Well, now I can figure out why!
Parents are always on top, making their own decisions, disrespecting their children's ideas and opinions, making decisions for their children in the name of loving their children, ordering their children to do things, and suppressing their children's resistance.
This big pit, have you stepped on the pit? Are there any parents with the same style?
Here comes the right thing to do:
1. Respect children and negotiate with children on an equal footing. More consultation can increase mutual understanding between parents and children; With fewer commands, unnecessary conflicts between parents and children can be avoided.
2. Children's things must be listened to children's ideas, and when children have different opinions, do not inertly suppress and rudely refuse.
3. Eliminate differences and resolve conflicts in a consultative tone. Serious orders and forcible suppression can only make children obey in a reluctant state for a while, and they cannot be used as a long-term solution to the problem.
Warm reminder for us as parents, if you want to live in harmony with those bear children and avoid conflicts between parents and children, we must fully discuss in a state of equal consultation, so that the children can obediently listen to you!