In 1991, a civil servant married his boss's sister and only filed for divorce after retirement I was afraid of her and endured it for 30 years
1. The pain of losing his wife has not yet faded, and Liu Senli is faced with an unexpected request from his boss: to accept his boss's sister as his wife.
Liu Senli, who was born in 1956, lost his mother at a young age, and his father worked hard to raise him and insisted that he finish middle school. The cowardly Liu Senli was originally destined to live the life of an ordinary worker or peasant, but he succeeded in becoming a worker, peasant and soldier college student when the opportunity came.
Workers, peasants, and soldiers refer to an enrollment system that was once implemented in China, and as long as young people with a junior high school education or above have passed the recommendation of the masses, the approval of the organization, and the examination of the school, they can go to university. Although their treatment after graduation is not as good as that of college students admitted to the college entrance examination, they are also quite good, and they immediately become state cadres, and the only restriction is that they have to return to their hometown to work after graduation.
Even in modern times, the percentage of university students in China is quite low, let alone half a century ago. With good work performance and academic qualifications, Liu Senli successfully entered the civil service.
As today, young men and women who enter the agency will soon be surrounded by matchmakers and moon elders to introduce them to matchmakers. An outstanding young man like Liu Senli is a popular candidate in the marriage market in any era. In the end, he found a wife who satisfied him, and the two had a son and a daughter, and lived a prosperous life and a happy family.
Recently. In 1990, his wife died of a heart attack. At that time, Liu Senli's two children were still very young, and it was difficult for him to take care of them alone, so many people suggested that he find a new wife as soon as possible while he was young.
Liu Senli fell into the pain of his wife's death and did not care about remarriage. It wasn't until a year later that the arrival of a matchmaker changed the trajectory of his life.
This matchmaker turned out to be his boss, and the boss proposed: "I have a sister named Tang Xiaohui, who is 12 years younger than you, how about introducing you as a wife?" ”
Why is the boss so optimistic about Liu Senli that he wants to marry his sister in his 20s to a widowed subordinate in his 30s? Liu Senli knew that his boss's sister was married and had a daughter, but she divorced because her ex-husband was imprisoned for committing a crime. The woman is facing the dilemma of raising a child on her own, and her boss has been looking for a suitable partner for her. Although it is a bit like "taking over", this is also the reality of the marriage market.
Liu Senli was still immersed in missing his wife, and he was not interested in his boss's sister. But he didn't dare to refuse directly, because he felt that his boss meant that if he didn't marry his sister, he would not give face to his boss.
Liu Senli has two children to raise and needs a stable and well-paid job. There is a saying in officialdom that "the official level crushes people to death", and his cowardly character makes him dare not disobey the decision of his boss.
In the end, Liu Senli succumbed under pressure, on the one hand, he was worried about affecting his work, and on the other hand, he held the illusion that his eldest brother would be able to promote him. He sorted out his wife's belongings, put them in boxes, put them in the attic, and married Tang Xiaohui in 1991.
Mr. Liu's threats to his superiors ignore the disharmony and pain that marriage can bring. It has actually proved that it is not easy to become the son-in-law of the eunuch's family and be a brother-in-law of the leader.
Second, the wife has a strong personality and does not allow her husband to enter the bedroomTang Xiaohui is actually not that bad, but her marriage to Liu Senli has become a tragedy for both parties. Since Tang Xiaohui moved into Liu Senli's three-story building, the two have rarely lived happily.
Due to disagreements and too different interests, the two lack a common language and almost no communication.
Tang Xiaohui was born in the family of the official eunuch, is keen to read, pay attention to the news, and in his spare time, he will Xi dancing with friends and classmates.
Liu Senli's interests are relatively simple and crude, and he is called "glamorous songs and dances" by Tang Xiaohui, and his circle of friends also seems to be a philistine. Because the spiritual world is too different, it is difficult for the two to appreciate each other.
They don't force each other to accept their preferences, and they don't want to change for each other's sake. Over time, the two participated in their respective social circles and lost their spiritual connection.
At the same time as the spiritual disharmony, the physical contact also caused Liu Senli to be tortured - he often became the target of Tang Xiaohui's domestic violence.
Since men are usually physically stronger than women, most of the victims of domestic violence are wives. Liu Senli has a cowardly personality and is not Xi to bickering; And his eldest brother is his top boss, which makes him dare not do anything to his wife.
On the contrary, Tang Xiaohui did not hesitate, when there was a conflict between husband and wife, he would really do it, and he did not give Liu Sen face at all, and his sister-in-law and neighbors saw his clothes torn to tatters many times.
How does Tang Xiaohui explain his violent behavior? She said: "Maybe it's because our two families have different families...”
My family members are all cadres, and their education since childhood is very upright”
I know that my temper may be a bit of a personality, what I don't agree with, I won't compromise, I don't appreciate what you do, I just don't appreciate it...”
This kind of strong personality is indeed appropriate when serving as a **, but in the relationship between husband and wife, this kind of behavior is a violation of the dignity of the spouse, which will inevitably lead to problems.
Compared with domestic violence, what makes Liu Senli feel more anxious is the fertility problem. He has always hoped to have a child with Tang Xiaohui, and Tang Xiaohui has been successfully pregnant three times, but after each pregnancy, Tang Xiaohui will immediately go to the hospital for an abortion.
Women do have the right to decide whether or not to have children, but as a wife, they should also give their husbands some respect, and they should at least discuss with their husbands about whether or not to have children, right?
Tang Xiaohui's approach was to suddenly notify Liu Senli to go to the hospital when he was preparing for an abortion.
Tang Xiaohui's reasons for not wanting children may be quite sufficient, for example, both of them remarried with children, and the pressure of having three more children is too great for them to continue to have children.
But what is puzzling is why Tang Xiaohui does not use contraception? In the 90s, family planning policies were very strict and contraceptives were relatively readily available.
After stumbling over more than ten years, Tang Xiaohui made a decision that made Liu Senli feel humiliated: sleep in separate rooms.
Tang Xiaohui lives in the big bedroom on the second floor, usually locks the bedroom door, Liu Senli said**, but Tang Xiaohui has a hearty word: You don't go home much when you work, and I don't know what you do outside, I'm afraid you have a virus.
Tang Xiaohui may be worried that the bad relationship between husband and wife will lead to her husband having an improper relationship between men and women outside, but she has not found any evidence to prove that her husband is cheating!
Because he couldn't enter the bedroom, Liu Senli had to live on the third floor, and every day he was accompanied by a box containing his ex-wife's relics, and every time he thought of his ex-wife's goodness, he couldn't help but burst into tears.
As for Liu Senli's boss, the eldest brother, he did not play much of an active role in the marriage of his sister and brother-in-law.
Although Liu Senli did not expect his uncle to carry him, it was frustrating that his position was not promoted until the day he retired.
Third, if you can't cultivate feelings, the old people will live a bleak life in their later years
They have been separated for more than ten years, but life has not become peaceful because of this. The two had an argument almost every three days. In the last years of separation, Liu Senli endured Tang Xiaohui's mental devastation.
Whenever Liu Senli fell asleep peacefully, Tang Xiaohui would come to his ear and suddenly roar loudly.
Liu Senli was frightened many times, and if it weren't for his efforts to restrain his instincts, I am afraid that he would have embarked on the path of Cao Cao's killing people in his dreams.
The reason Tang Xiaohui did this was because she found that Liu Senli and a woman surnamed Cao were exchanging ambiguous text messages. Tang Xiaohui asked Liu Senli angrily: "After so many years of marriage, have you ever said such gentle words to me?" ”
Tang Xiaohui's jealousy shows that she still regards Liu Senli as her husband. She also needs to reflect on whether she treats her husband gently as a strong woman.
Liu Senli defended that he and Ms. Cao had nothing, at most they just walked together, and did not take a step beyond Lei Chi.
In marriage, whether it is mental or physical cheating is wrong, Liu Senli did make mistakes, but his gentle expectations for other women and ambiguity with other women were not unexpected.
In 2019, Liu Senli's biological son died of a heart attack at the age of 34.
Looking back on his life, he lost his mother when he was young, his wife in middle age, and his son in his later years, and he was forced to marry a woman he didn't love, and his married life was so difficult that Liu Senli left the three-story building in 2021 and moved to the small house where his son lived before his death.
When his son was 15 years old, he left home to work, and his wandering life was not satisfactory for many years, and the house he bought was only about 20 square meters. Even with minimal furniture such as beds, sofas, tables, and wardrobes, the house can look cramped.
Liu Senli lived a simple life in a small house. Raunchy, in hot weather he goes out in an old vest; Simple meals, cook rice in a rice cooker, put the vegetables in the rice and heat them up and eat them.
The room was in a mess, I don't know how long it hadn't been tidied up, the fruit on the table had become moldy, and it was not clear whether Liu Senli was reluctant to eat or was in a bad mood.
The most in the room is a medicine box, because Liu Senli suffers from gout and needs to take medicine often. Whenever he had a gout attack, his legs and feet would swell and he would not be able to walk.
Liu Senli was puzzled that he was living alone in such a decadent way, and Tang Xiaohui, as his wife, had never visited him. Liu Senli understood that running away from home was his own choice, but his wife's hard-hearted heart made him unacceptable.
There are as many wine bottles in the room as there are pill boxes, and although gout patients should not drink alcohol, Liu Senli always can't help but take a few more sips, because only when he is drunk can he get rid of the pain of life.
From getting married in 1991 to Liu Senli running away from home in 2021, they spent 30 years together, but they never got into love. There is only endless complaining and indifference between husband and wife.
In this way, Liu Senli waited for the day he retired in a small house, and at the age of 65, he returned to the three-story building and filed for divorce from Tang Xiaohui.
Fourth, in the end, the husband and wife broke up
Liu Senli filed for divorce, but he didn't have the courage to face Tang Xiaohui alone, but invited reporters and his sister to accompany him. Why did someone accompany Tang Xiaohui? After exchanging a few words, the reporter understood.
In stark contrast to Liu Senli's decadence is Tang Xiaohui, who is neatly dressed and exquisitely dressed, and she is quite well maintained in her fifties.
Liu Senli didn't dare to look directly at Tang Xiaohui at all, his voice was weak, sometimes he even looked like a helpless child, his hands had nowhere to put them, and he had a panicked expression on his face.
This performance made Tang Xiaohui full of confidence, she blamed her husband for betraying her marriage, and Liu Senli explained her situation in only three words: I am afraid of her.
Liu Senli looked back on the hardships of married life over the past 30 years, and his sister cited Tang Xiaohui's crimes of unfilial piety to her in-laws and abuse of her stepchildren.
The younger sister recalled that when Tang Xiaohui first got married, his stepmother also lived in Liu Senli's house. When the stepmother comes back from going out for a walk, she will be shut out by Tang Xiaohui; If the child dares to open the door for his grandmother, Tang Xiaohui will beat the child.
The younger sister also said that Tang Xiaohui's attitude towards the three children was different. Liu Senli's two children eat leftovers, and the delicacy is reserved for their own daughters; Liu Senli's two children dropped out of school at the age of 15 to work, while his own daughter was admitted to university.
It is difficult to verify the authenticity of my sister's accusations, and perhaps there are other reasons behind them. But Tang Xiaohui didn't explain too much, she felt aggrieved: "I have paid so much for this family for so many years, and you have brought so many people to ask me for the guilt?" ”
Like Liu Senli and his sister-in-law, Tang Xiaohui is full of resentment towards Liu Senli, and what makes her most angry is that for many years of marriage, Liu Senli has never paid a salary card, or even given living expenses.
In order to make a living, Tang Xiaohui opened a clothing store by herself, and she was responsible for the family's living expenses, her daughter's schooling and marriage, and the death of her parents, and she never asked Liu Senli for help.
Tang Xiaohui complained that in winter, she was busy going in and out alone, and her hands were frostbitten, but Liu Senli did not help her cook and wash dishes.
Tang Xiaohui complained that the lack of communication between husband and wife has led to the two getting to where they are today, and their values are too different.
Liu Senli did not deny Tang Xiaohui's accusations, obviously their marriage has long existed in name only, there is no sense of responsibility between the two, there is no love, and they even ignore each other, living under the same roof, but it seems that the other party does not exist.
Instead of complaining about her husband's shortcomings, Tang Xiaohui thinks that she is very good to her husband.
She showed off Liu Senli's wardrobe to reporters and sister-in-law, saying that she had knitted woolen pants by herself and that the clothes were also carefully selected by her, but Liu Senli immediately retorted that she had never worn them.
Tang Xiaohui asked with a helpless expression: "The woolen pants are all pilling, and you still say that you haven't worn them?" The clothes are all rotten, and you still say you haven't worn them? ”
Liu Sen was silent, and Tang Xiaohui was wearing bright clothes, which contrasted sharply with her husband's pilling woolen pants and tattered clothes, which made the situation a little embarrassing.
Through Tang Xiaohui's own entrepreneurial experience, it can be seen that she is a strong woman. She has a deep love for her husband, but she doesn't know how to express it, and she doesn't realize that she is lacking in some areas. In the face of her husband, she is not willing to show weakness, and only knows how to stand her ground.
When the marriage was on the verge of breakdown, Tang Xiaohui began to reflect on why her husband filed for divorce. She recalls her decision to refuse to have children with her husband, the lack of a common language between herself and her husband, and the fact that her husband is obsessed with his ex-wife...
The reporter and his sister asked Liu Senli suspiciously: "Since you are so dissatisfied with your wife, why didn't you file for divorce earlier?" ”
Liu Senli explained that his eldest brother was his boss, and he endured it for 30 years for work reasons.
He was ostensibly afraid of his wife, but in fact he was afraid of his eldest brother. Now that he is retired and no longer bound by the workplace, he dares to boldly file for divorce.
Tang Xiaohui was very surprised, he didn't expect that his brother, who had always thought about himself, was the root of this unhappy marriage.
Perhaps the cowardly Liu Senli just wanted to vent his dissatisfaction for 30 years, and finally under the persuasion of everyone, he decided to temporarily shelve the divorce plan and give both parties some time to think about how to start over.
Liu Senli, who had tried to shake hands with Tang Xiaohui, felt very embarrassed in the face of Tang Xiaohui's indifference.
The day after shaking hands and failing, Liu Senli went to his ex-wife's grave and wept bitterly, recounting the hardships of his second marriage and recalling the happy times he spent with his ex-wife...
Attempts to repair the relationship between Mr. Liu and Mr. Tang ended in failure. A few days later, they went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to go through the divorce procedures.
The marriage between the two was doomed to be a mistake from the start. One side bullies with power, and the other has impure motives; One has a bad personality, and the other is obsessed with old love.
As traditional men and women, husbands do not receive tender care from their wives, and wives find no real support from their husbands. This marriage was destined to fall apart.
The experience of Liu Senli and Tang Xiaohui profoundly tells us that marriage is not child's play, if there is no love, don't force it. In a marriage that lacks an emotional foundation, everyone will have a difficult time.