What is the meaning of getting married?It is a process of two people who look at the right eye to have children together, firewood, rice, oil and salt, family routine, joy, anger and sorrow.
I was a wrong person and had been full of disappointment and anxiety all the time. My life seemed to lack that real sense of presence, and I couldn't participate in everything in its entirety. Even on the day I gave birth, I couldn't be by my wife's side and chose to fool around with someone else. Such behavior is just to give the child a so-called family, but in fact my heart is full of remorse and pain.
I couldn't bear the torment of the years, but I didn't dare to end the relationship. Maybe it's because of a sense of responsibility to my children, or maybe it's because I'm afraid to face my true self. This relationship has become a yoke to me, imprisoning me in an endless loop.
I used to be a cowardly and timid person, afraid of the consequences, afraid to face my mistakes. I was immensely ashamed of my past because I knew that I had deceived the person I loved and betrayed her trust. I chose to continue to deceive, to perpetuate this lie, and to undermine the trust and intimacy between us.
I tried to find a way to get rid of it, to try to start over, but every time I faced my past, I felt deep fear and pain inside. I tried to tell myself that maybe everything would be okay and we could repair our relationship and build a truly happy family. Whenever I see the disappointment and hurt in my wife's eyes, I realize that this wish is just wishful thinking.
It was clear to me that I was wasting my life and living in a meaningless relationship. Every day seemed like an endless torment, and every moment made me feel hopeless and helpless. I hope to have the courage to end this and free myself from the burden of my heart. But I also know that it was not an easy decision.
Disappointment and anxiety trapped me in a cycle of self-torture. I racked my brains to find a way to escape, but I didn't dare to look at my heart. I longed for relief, for a fresh start, but I knew it would take courage and determination.
I hope that one day I will be able to face my mistakes and be brave enough to end the relationship. I hope to be able to regain the courage and self-esteem I have lost and reshape a life that is truly mine. It is only when I truly face my heart and accept my mistakes that I can find true liberation. This torturous relationship will be a painful experience in my life, but I also hope to learn from it and become a better person.
Only on the path of courage can we find our true self. Only by facing the fear and pain in your heart can you move towards a new beginning. I hope that one day I will be able to break free from my shackles and regain my freedom and happiness.