How to really enrich your daughter and keep her away from mental exhaustion
The other day, my daughter and I silently went out to dinner with friends, and something happened that made me feel a lot of emotion.
At the dining table, a fragrant typhoon shelter chicken wing attracted the eager attention of the children. When the last piece of chicken wing remains, someone kindly asks, "Does anyone else want it?"”
The daughter stared at the chicken wings with a longing look in her eyes.
Seeing this, a friend enthusiastically suggested: "Give it to Momo, she didn't eat much just now." ”
Another little boy couldn't wait to say, "I want to eat it too!"”
When the daughter heard this, she smiled and said, "Then give it to my brother, I don't really want to eat it." ”
Despite my daughter's generous words, I could clearly perceive a distressing sense of loss in her eyes.
This scene suddenly reminded me of many things:
I have been teaching my daughter to be kind and considerate of others, and she has become a generous and enthusiastic girl, as I expected.
When the children play together, she always acts as a caring big sister and takes care of everyone.
Even when a friend comes to the house, she is as busy as a little adult, and her friends around her are full of praise for her.
Recently, I've noticed that my daughter is becoming more and more silent.
My daughter's homeroom teacher also reported to me that Mo Mo always looked listless at school and wandered from time to time during class.
I asked my daughter what had happened, and at first she refused to tell me, until I asked again and again before I told me honestly
I don't know when she can make waves in her heart with an expression, a look, or a casual word for others.
She couldn't help but think:
Do others hate her anymore?
Is it that you are not doing well yourself?
Even something as trivial as the table not waiting for her to go downstairs to do recess exercises, she had to ponder it repeatedly until late at night.
At first, I wondered if my daughter was too sensitive.
It wasn't until I confided in a friend who studied psychology that she woke me up and told me that my daughter was in a state of mental exhaustion.
As a child, she is troubled by inner entanglements, anxiety, panic and other emotions.
These emotions not only exhausted her energy, but also made her gradually lose interest in studying Xi.
In order to help my daughter get rid of this entanglement and rebuild her self-confidence, I flipped through a large number of related books and compiled six sentences from them.
If you want your child to avoid falling into mental exhaustion, as a parent, you must pass on this information to them as early as possible.
Child, have you ever been in such a situation in your life?
You are always friendly to the people around you, hoping to win more favor by being kind to others, but you find that the people around you seem to see you as a soft persimmon, bullying you arbitrarily, and ignoring your feelings;
Eventually, you give your heart and sacrifice a lot of time, only to find that your happiness is getting farther and farther away.
Actually, as the writer Migge said:
The beauty in life should be both round but not sharp, soft but not cowardly. This kind of beauty is full and full of confidence.
There was once a movie called "Authorization", in which the heroine has a gentle personality and is a good old person. Her tolerance has led to wanton bullying by others:
At work, she is diligent and diligent, but she is promoted by her boss to a new employee;
In life, her girlfriend treats her as an "emotional trash can", but when she needs to talk, her girlfriend only cares about playing with her mobile phone ......
For this reason, the heroine lives very aggrieved every day.
Finally, one day, she made up her mind not to take it anymore: she publicly accused the leader of having a vision problem, and threw her best friend's mobile phone into a water cup.
After doing this, she thought she would be upset.
To her surprise, she had her first peaceful sleep in years.
Children, many times, when you feel aggrieved and unhappy, it is likely that you have lost your sharpness.
There's a famous quote that says it well: "It's easier for people to respect someone who throws a tantrum than it is to respect someone who is too good-natured." ”
You don't have to lose your temper often, but you can't be completely grumpy either.
Possess some edges and corners, cultivate some sharpness, not to hurt others, but to better protect yourself.
Someone once asked Chen Guo, a professor at Fudan University, a question: "Which is more important, whether others like you or yourself?"”
Her answer is thought-provoking
"Both are important.
But in a situation where you can't do both, it's more important to like yourself. ”
In the journey of life, many people often change their original selves in order to please others.
As time goes by, life becomes harder and harder, and the time spent on self-consumption becomes longer and longer.
Dancer Jin Xing once shared an experience of her son:
At school, a classmate didn't like Venus's son and deliberately laughed at him: "Your mother is a man. ”
For the average child, it is possible to feel angry or feel inferior in the face of such an attack.
Venus's son behaved calmly and calmly, and calmly shot back:
"So what!What's the matter with you!”
So, child, you see, there are many things that no longer bother you when you are indifferent to it.
I love what Li Xueqin said: "I want to say to those who don't like me, I don't like you either." ”
Instead of bothering to cater to others and end up tormenting, filter out the people and things that drain your energy.
Once you have the "courage to be hated", you will find out:
You don't have to live for the likes of others, and even if you don't win the favor of others, it doesn't stop you from moving towards your own wonderful life.
The painter Chen Danqing once said: "People will only see what they want to see." ”
Son, you have complained to me that a classmate has spread rumors about you, and the more you try to explain, the more the rumors intensify.
For this reason, you can't sleep for several nights, hiding under the covers and silently shedding tears.
In fact, many people who have fallen into internal friction have experienced similar suffering.
Do you still remember that Oxford female doctor Zhu Zhu?
She is an outstanding young girl who walked out of the gates of Oxford University with honor and immediately shared a paragraph of her graduation on the Internet: I am proud to announce that I graduated first in the Oxford Department of Mathematical Modelling. ”
This small celebration caused quite a stir.
Many people saw her excellent grades and beauty, and came forward to carry out the so-called "anti-fake" against her:
Some people suspect that she has falsified her academic qualifications, some speculate that she is pursuing the purpose of becoming an internet celebrity, and others spread rumors that her grades are not credible.
In order to prove his innocence, Zhu Zhu spent a lot of effort, photographing academic certificates, and answering math problems on the spot......
The person who attacked her on the Internet said lightly:
"Oh, I just saw that you were eager to be famous, so I went out of my way to help you. ”
Do you understand, dear child?
When someone slanders you, they don't really care what the truth is, they just want to see you in trouble and feel isolated.
Instead of desperately trying to prove yourself to others, it is better to leave time to yourself and the truth to time.
Be yourself with your heart and have a clear conscience, and those voices that doubt you will eventually disappear with the wind.
Child, you must have heard the saying: Don't cry over spilled milk.
But today, Mom would like to share another sentence with you: don't be overly anxious because of the heavy rain that is yet to come.
Half a month before the mid-term exams, you start to feel uneasy, worrying all day long about how to explain to your teachers and parents if you don't do well in the exams
As soon as you are elected as the deputy squad leader, you begin to worry about whether you will lose face if you cannot be re-elected in the next election of class cadres.
Seeing you like this, Mom wants to tell you a fable about gerbils:
In the vast sandy plains of the Sahara Desert, a group of gray rodents live known as gerbils.
When the dry season comes, these little creatures start working tirelessly, trying to stock up on grass roots to survive the drought.
Interestingly, there are many times when they have accumulated enough grass roots to survive the dry season, but they are still looking for more.
After a short break, they become restless, as if they have a sense of urgency hidden in their hearts that cannot be released.
Eventually, most of the grass roots that these gerbils have worked so hard to store are not fully utilized even before they decay.
Meanwhile, the other critters in the desert are enjoying the warm sunshine and plenty of food, while the poor gerbils are struggling with exhaustion and anxiety day after day.
Many times, it's not the real challenges that are frustrating, it's the uneasiness that grows in the mind.
In fact, 90% of what you're worried about may not really happen.
None of us can ** in the future.
Therefore, the only thing we can do is to cherish the present, focus on the current path, and not worry too much about tomorrow's worries in advance.
Bi Shumin once said a profound sentence:
"Rejection is a right, you say yes so easily, who will really understand you?”
Mom knows you've always been a kind-hearted child.
We can lend a hand when we can do what we can;
If something is beyond your ability and you say yes, you may end up suffering and losing.
As written in "Human Disqualification":
"My misfortune is that I lack the courage to refuse.
I am afraid that if I reject someone, I may leave a scar in the hearts of both parties that will never be repaired. ”
A true friendship, a child, should never be based on one party's obedience to the other.
Really good friend, even if I reject you, you won't blame me for it.
Harvard University has done a study on rejection, and the results showed:
If a person can learn to say no wisely, it can reduce unnecessary troubles by more than 90% and save a lot of personal time and energy.
Therefore, child, in order to make your life easier, you have the right to have the right to refuse.
Anything you don't want to say yes to, you can say no.
Only in this way can you avoid getting caught up in the entanglement, and at the same time, let others know how to cherish you more.
Finally, dear child, Mom wants to say to you that you should never feel sorry for expressing your true feelings.
Since you were a child, you have always been a sensible child, and you have always "reported good news and not bad news" to adults in life. But you have to understand that it's not your fault to have negative emotions.
Don't let your feelings go too far, no matter what difficulties you face, you can share them with your parents.
You have to keep in mind at all times
You are not alone, Mom and Dad will always be your solid backing, and home is your warm haven.
Do you remember the picture book "I Will Always Love You" that we read together?
There is a classic dialogue in the book:
"Mom, is it only if I am well-behaved and obedient that you will love me?”
"I will always love you, even if you make mistakes, I still love you the same. ”
And this is also the message that Mom and Dad want to convey to you: no matter when and where, we are willing to face it with you, because we will always love you.
Therefore, from today onwards, you don't need to suppress your true desires in order to please others;
There is also no need to sacrifice one's principles in order to please others in pursuit of perfection.
Compared to wanting you to be a well-behaved and obedient child,
Mom and Dad want to see you have the courage to question things that don't suit your heart, have a firm belief to defend what you think is right, follow your inner voice, and cultivate a strong and confident heart.
There is such a thought-provoking sentence in "Loose as Ash":
"Be loose like soot.
Only by relaxing can you unleash your full potential energy and work with you to achieve perfection. ”
Every parent expects the girl in the family to be a well-praised lady, gentle, tolerant, and generous, shining in the crowd.
If the price of this good quality is to keep the child in a state of entanglement, anxiety and fear, then these virtues become the shackles that plague the child.
Children who are immersed in emotional exhaustion end up simply exhausting themselves and leaving space for others
Children who can get rid of emotional friction have a free and broad life and live a good life with confidence and happiness.
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