1 When I was just engaged to my wife and went to her house for dinner, I aimed at a large piece of my favorite braised pork with oil drums and drums, and collided with my father-in-law's chopsticks, which was called an embarrassment.
Fortunately, the father-in-law was witty: "I will hand over my daughter to you, so leave this meat to me!."”
Father-in-law, you are so witty!
2My goddess sat in front of me, and this afternoon the goddess was late, so the teacher told her to stand in class. Suddenly, I yelled that she couldn't see the blackboard, and I thought the teacher would tell her to sit down, thinking that I would help here!The teacher came leisurely and stood at the door with a book!I will never forget the resentful eyes of the goddess, am I out of chance!
3After eating and going out for a walk with my sister-in-law, my sister-in-law saw a beautiful woman with a devil figure in front of her, revealing envy, jealousy and hatred, I comforted: When she gives birth, maybe she won't be as thin as you!
As soon as she finished speaking, a little Lori jumped up and down, shouting Ma Ma and threw herself into the arms of the beauty!
4 When his wife learned that her son was not eating well in kindergarten, she said to her son when she returned home: "Xiao Ming, the food you eat in kindergarten is bought by your parents with money, you can eat more in the future, and eat all the money we paid." After a while, at a friend's wedding banquet, Xiao Ming said loudly: "Mom, eat more, and eat all the money we paid." ”
5 I quarreled with my girlfriend, and my girlfriend locked me out of the door in a fit of anger, and I started telling ghost stories outside the door, and sure enough, the door opened ...... after a while
I'm afraid, will you come in and accompany me?Uncle Li next door opened the door and said to me nervously.
6Today I walked with a girl on the street, and I gave way to the left, and she gave way to the right. I gave way to the right, and she gave way to the left. After going back and forth a few times, I said to her: "Sister, this is fate, do you want to leave a **?."The girl sneered: "Who is fate with you!."We have a narrow road to the enemy!”
7 I was shopping at the supermarket today, and a teenager who looked like a junior high school snatched my purse and ran away!I was stunned!But then the supermarket alarm went off, and the boy was caught by the security guards -- and the security guards gave me back the bag and sent me out of the supermarket. But in the end, I want to say: security, I haven't paid for the bag yet!
8. After the college entrance examination, the holidays began, and the brothers made an appointment to work at the construction site to earn a few small money. When I got to the construction site, the foreman asked me, "What are you going to do?"I honestly replied, "I can play basketball, I have passed CET-4 in English, I have all passed mathematics, physics and chemistry, and I won the first place in the essay competition!"The foreman interrupted me and said, "You'll have a lot of you, so let's move the bricks!"”
9 Just crossed the road, there was a girl leading a dog, next to a ** pushing a stroller, accidentally hit it, the dog screamed, gorgeous fall!
The passers-by next to him were stunned, only to hear the girl say, "It's okay, it's okay!."It was so virtuous that it fell to the ground when it was frightened. ”
* Sighed: "Scared me to death, I thought it was going to scold me!."”
10 In order to punish a disobedient student, the elementary school teacher asked him to put his hand on the podium and hit him, and the moment the teacher threw it down, the student withdrew his hand and ......Later the teacher broke a bone!
11A brother was driving on a business trip, and saw an intersection at the end of the wall in front of him, and there was a row of words on the wall: "Go to the national highway from here—" and drove over.
When I turned around and looked again, I found that there was still the word "fine" around the corner of the wall!
12 met a very beautiful girl at the ** meeting today. We chatted for a few minutes and left each other's mobile phone numbers. Towards the end of the meeting, she said her phone was out of battery and borrowed my phone to use it. I happily lent her my phone. When I got home, I wanted to send her a text message and found out that she had deleted her number from my phone.
13 reporters do street interviews: "Auntie, what impact do you think the sandstorm has brought to your life today?"”
The eldest lady said: "The influence ......It's too big!First of all, you have to see clearly, I am your uncle!”
14I asked my mother, "What is the difference between raising a son and raising a daughter?"Mother: "I want to cut my adopted son if I have no object, and I want to cut her if my adopted daughter has an object." ”