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Those who think too much are tired, and those who worry too much are bitter.
Author: Insight Domino
Have you ever been in such a state in your life?
Before I said a word, my heart turned a thousand times;Before a thing has been done, the thought of failure has long been hovering.
Over time, the struggle of life has not yet begun, but the heart has long been exhausted.
Writer Yataro Matsuura said:
Those who are often trapped in restlessness and anxiety often have a problem thinking too much about the future. ”
And the root of a person's anxiety and pain is all due to too much thinking and too much inner drama.
If you want to get rid of mental internal friction, start by stopping these 4 inner dramas.
Before the words came out, the ending has been played thousands of times.
There is a topic on Zhihu: "What should I do if I always dare not open my mouth to fight, worried that I will miss the opportunity?"”
One of the highest-praise replied like this: "Let's stop guessing about the outcome first." ”
Many times, we are Xi to exaggerating the negative effects and thinking about the worst in everything.
Before the words in my heart were spoken, I had already imagined a variety of endings in advance, but before I could act, I was knocked down by the imaginary answer, and I didn't dare to take another step.
Seen such a story.
In a newspaper in the United States, there is a young reporter named Jones.
One day, the boss asked Jones to make an appointment to visit Brandes, Jones was very frightened, and quickly refused: "No, no, he doesn't know me at all." ”
In Jones's eyes, he was just a nobody, not only inexperienced, but also without status, and it was impossible for others to pay attention to him.
And what if the interview is not done well and offends the judge?
In this way, Jones thought about it for a long time, but did not make any other moves.
The boss glanced at it, picked up the ** and dialed it over: "Hello, I'm Jones, a reporter for the Star newspaper, I was ordered to interview Judge Brandes, I don't know if he can meet me for a few minutes today?."”
At this time, a voice came from the other end: "Fifteen o'clock, please be on time." ”
Jones was directly stunned in place, he didn't expect that the other party would agree so simply about the things he was constantly struggling with.
Years later, Jones, who was already a little famous, lamented in his speech: "That moment was the most important lesson I learned in more than 20 years." ”
After thinking about it 10,000 times, it is better to speak once.
Always thinking too much and underestimating yourself will only make you further and further away from your goal.
As the saying goes:
If you are always hesitating, the world is very big;If you're brave, it's a small world. ”
Don't be held back by the fear of rejection, and don't let others frame you.
Try to express yourself bravely, try to care less, we can't control the outcome, but the moment you open your mouth, you have already overcome yourself.
The body has not moved, and the heart has passed the ten thousand mountains.
The French philosopher Buridan told a story.
There is a little donkey, and he has always eaten a certain amount of food every day, but this time the farmer sent him an extra pile of grass.
The two piles of grass are the same quantity and color, and the donkey cannot tell which one is of better quality and tastes better.
Unable to make a decision, it had to pace back and forth, constantly guessing and comparing, and did not dare to speak.
Time passed little by little, and in the end, the forage was clearly in his mouth, but the donkey was still starved to death.
This is known as the "Buridan Donkey Effect".
Many times, it is not the thing itself that traps a person, but the internal friction caused by hesitation.
Always imagine too many problems for yourself before you start, which is naturally easy to consume your mind and affect the final result.
Netizen @山山 shared an experience of his own.
After graduating from university, he worked as a marketing specialist for a food company.
He has always been conscientious, but he needed to rest for a period of time because of an accidental fracture, but he was ruthlessly persuaded to retire by the company.
The busy days suddenly calmed down, but his mood was getting more and more tumbling
Do you want to continue looking for a job after you recover?But what should I do if I encounter such an impersonal company?
Why don't you go to graduate school to improve yourself?But the family conditions are average, isn't it too selfish to study again?
Do you want to get a stable job?But what if you don't get in, it's not a waste of time?
He struggled between these questions all day long, and every time he thought of a way out, he would imagine more misfortunes to interrupt him.
Afraid of being frustrated, he has been looking ahead and backwards, and he can't make any changes.
Obviously he was recuperating at home, but he couldn't sleep all night, and he was haggard.
A few months passed, and his savings had bottomed out, and he had to find a new job in order to make ends meet.
But the amazing thing is that he has to run around day and night for work, but he is rarely anxious, and the problems that besieged him in the past have all disappeared.
Soon after, he returned to the workplace and everything was back to normal.
In life, we are always like this.
Before the thing was done, my heart was already like a thousand troops crossing the border, and all kinds of thoughts came flooding back.
However, the more you think about it, the more anxiety you are likely to breed, which ultimately makes the outcome worse.
It's better to take action, when you take the first step, all the difficulties that are conceived will be slowly dissolved.
As American insurance tycoon Grimmonstone said:
If you do, there is no loss, and there may be a big gain, then go ahead and do it!What's more, do it right away!”
If the line is unsuccessful, the illusion of suffering is not fulfilled.
Gu Cheng has a poem that reads like this:
You don't want to plant flowers, you say, I don't want to see it wither a little bit. Yes, in order to avoid the end, you avoid the beginning of everything.
If we refuse to plant flowers just because we are afraid of seeing them wither, then we will only miss out on more flowers.
If you are just worried that the result will not be good, you will not continue to set off, and you will naturally miss out on success.
The magazine "South Wind Window" once published such a report.
There was a girl who felt a little unwell at the beginning of the year, and the muscles in her left arm were throbbing and numb from time to time, which made her very concerned and began to run to the hospital frequently.
A lot of examinations have been done, and the doctor has ruled out some symptoms for her, but she is still not relieved, and she is very worried that she is suffering from ALS.
This worry also brought her work and life to a standstill, and she often felt that she could die at any time, and she was afraid that she would lose her ability to take care of herself and drag down her family.
As she waited for the final test report, she became more and more decadent and almost fell into depression.
As a result, the test report came out later, and she did not suffer from ALS at all, and these anxieties and fears were imaginary enemies she set for herself.
The Book of Time says, "Young man, it is your duty to level the land, not to be anxious about time." ”
When we are anxious and pessimistic about the future, the road ahead is a cage from which we cannot break free.
Learn to bite the bullet and try it, and you will find that the trajectory of life is unpredictable, and the prisoner can also become a smooth road.
Director Ang Lee is like that.
When I first made a film, I encountered many obstacles, and the problem of funding was particularly difficult.
Worried that the final presentation would not be good, he has been struggling with whether to continue filming.
After all, I have been unemployed for 6 years, poor and white, and I can't afford any losses.
When director Hou Xiaoxian found out, he encouraged him: "No one has enough money when they start making a movie, but only when they make a movie, can there be a second or third ......."”
Ang Lee listened and decided to continue to insist.
The budget was not enough, so he went to overseas Chinese friends to help perform, and even his family became extras.
In the end, his "The Wedding Banquet" was a huge success, becoming the film with an eye-catching return rate that year, and Ang Lee has since become internationally famous.
I read a sentence: "It's not reality that torments you, it's your imagination of the unknown." ”
There are many things in the world that we can't predict, and we are preoccupied before the results come out, just adding to the internal friction.
You must know that many times what hinders us from moving forward is not the difficulties themselves, but the anxiety of the self.
Don't be knocked down by the hypothetical results, since we have done our best to irrigate, the rest is just to wait for the flowers to bloom.
It's over, and the past is still playing out in my head.
Psychology professor Arcos once said: "90% of the pain in life comes from the refusal to stop the loss in time." ”
Looking back on the past frequently, the heart will be filled with regrets, and all the good things in the present will be washed away.
At the end of the day, it's not that you can't get along with things, but that you can't get along with yourself.
reminds me of the story of the protagonist Harold and his wife Maureen in "One Man's Pilgrimage".
After their son, David, committed suicide due to depression, the two were in a long state of agony.
Harold often got himself drunk and lived a messy life.
He regretted that he had not taken good care of his children, and often blamed himself: "If only I had taken David in my arms that morning." ”
His wife, Maureen, moved into David's room before his death, hung up the curtains, and talked to herself in black and white all day long.
She resents Harold for not taking good care of her son and blames her husband for all the faults.
The relationship between the husband and wife was completely broken, and indifference has been between each other ever since.
For a long time, neither of the two wanted to forget the past and let go of themselves.
It wasn't until Harold received a letter from an old sick friend that he decided to visit him personally.
Although the long journey was full of twists and turns, the people and things he encountered along the way also continued to wash over his soul.
He thinks back to the time he spent with his wife and finds that he is always stuck in the grief of the past and ignores the scenery of the future.
So, he no longer ran away from the past.
And Maureen also sorted out and reflected on her life when her husband was away.
Both reconcile with their past, redraw closer to each other, and they return to their former intimacy.
There is a Western proverb: "Never cry over spilled milk." ”
For the past, each of us may have unspeakable pain, but no matter how unwilling we are, it will not help.
Instead of blindly indulging in regret and regret, it is better to accept it calmly.
After all, the past is no longer admonishable, but the coming can still be chased.
From now on, let go of the pain of the old days and enjoy the new life;Remove the shackles in your heart, and you can reunite with your better self in the future.
There is a sentence in "Flow":
The mind is idle, like a wild horse, and tends to stay on painful or troubled thoughts. ”
In this kind of negative emotion, if we don't get out of it in time, we will only ponder it in our hearts until we run out of energy.
Those who think too much are the most tired, and those who worry too much are very bitter.
In life, nothing can be accomplished by thinking about it in the heart.
Let go of useless entanglements and let go of distractions about personnel.
Less inner drama, more execution, and a simple heart to face troubles, internal friction can naturally heal without medicine.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage your friends.