1After dinner, my husband went to make tea and accidentally touched the bowl he was eating, and the bowl fell to the ground and shattered. My heart aches, this is the new bowl I just bought, more than a dozen yuan a piece. I started to nag my husband, and when my son saw it, he hurriedly gave me the bowl I was eating and said, "Mom, if you throw your own bowl on the ground and break it, you and Dad will be evenly torn apart."
2 I quarreled with my husband, and in order to ease the atmosphere, he coaxed me not to be angry, and when I saw his repentance, I immediately said: "Let me forgive you, go and get me a bag ......of milk, heat it for me, pour it into the cup, brush the cup and put it in the kitchen cabinet when you are done, and mop the kitchen floor by the way."My husband immediately responded: "Don't forgive me!."”
3 One night, Xiao Ming was learning ancient Chinese, and his father went over to ask Xiao Ming what he was learningXiao Ming replied: Get out (ancient text), his father didn't understand, and asked again, Xiao Ming still replied that roll (ancient text) In the end, Xiao Ming was beaten by his father!
4 One day, Xiao Li went to dinner with his friends and ordered fried rice. After the waiter brought it up, Xiao Li said, "This rice looks a little hard." My friend heard it as "This hotel looks a little hard", thinking that Xiao Li was praising the hotel's decoration style very hard. So my friend said, "Yes, the decoration of this hotel is indeed very distinctive." When Xiao Li heard this, he was confused and didn't know what his friend was talking about.
5A man confesses to a female man, and the female man is picking her feet ......
Female man: I like to pick my feet so much, don't you dislike it?
M: I swear, if I don't love you, I'll ......
The female man covered his mouth with one hand, fool, don't say it!
6 nutritionists said that drinking too much carbonated drinks will cause physical discomfort, I think it makes sense, yesterday I drank my wife's iced drink, and now my face has not been swollen, the second wife is really ruthless!
7Teacher: Xiao Ming, do you usually like to watch TV at home?
Xiao Ming: I like it.
Teacher: Is there a line that you really remember and like, share it with the teacher?
Xiao Ming: Yes, yes, that's the sentence: Oh hey!Uncle, upstairs please!The new girl is handsome......
Teacher: Get out of here!
8My wife took advantage of my nap and secretly went to my wallet to get money, so I asked her: "I only have such a little pocket money every month, and you still take mine, have you considered my feelings?"The wife said, "Of course I have thought about it, so I will be light when I go to you to get the money, for fear of waking you up." "For a moment, I was a little moved.
9 The child went to school, because of bad grades, often scolded by the mother stupid bird, the child was unconvinced and said, there are three kinds of stupid birds in the world, one is the first to fly, the other is tired and does not fly, I asked: What about the third kind?
Child: This is the most annoying, I can't fly, so I lay an egg in the nest, and I want the next generation to fly hard!
10After dinner, the father saw his son Xiao Ming counting coins, so he asked him an arithmetic problem: "What is 8 plus 16?"Xiao Ming fiddled with his fingers and toes anxiously, and it was not enough for half a day.
Dad was anxious: "Don't you know how to use your brain?".”
Xiao Ming said: "There is only one brain, and it is not enough to add it!."”
11A car crushed a chicken to death as it passed through a small village. The driver picked up the unfortunate chick and said to a little boy who had seen it"Is this chicken your family?" "No, sir, my chicken is the same color and appearance as it, but it is not so flat. "
12Every time I buy something, I feel that the waiters are lying to me, and only what they say at the beginning is true.
Say what?"Handsome guy!”
13Why don't girls like straight men, but they like to be with scumbags!
My cousin has always been single, and once complained to a female colleague: I really don't understand you girls, why don't you like straight men, but like to be with scumbags!The female colleague said casually: It's too hard to be with a straight man!Cousin: Why?The female colleague covered her face: Come to my house tonight, I'll tell you!Cousin: Why did you go to your house?Can't you say it now?!And then the female colleague ignored him anymore!