1 I went to the concert last night, and the singer on the stage chose the lucky audience, and I was pulled on stage by the staff and ordered a song that I liked very much, and the singer asked, "Would you like to sing with me?"”
I grabbed the microphone and said, ", sing yourself." ”
2 The boss's youngest son came to the company to play, and he fell and cried for a long time, I said: As a six-year-old man, he cries at every turn, is this like a word?He: As an old woman who is almost thirty, she cries with my dad at every turn, which is not true, right?I'll go!When did you see me crying to your dad?Him: No, I mean it's not like I'm talking to my dad to cry!There is no logical relationship between what is said before and after, it's good or not, it scares the old lady!
3 My girlfriend has been coming to my house to eat in the past few days, and she eats very little every time, so I asked, "Why don't you eat more?"Girlfriend: "Every time I **, and I can't control my mouth, I want to come to your house to eat." After all, no one cooks like you do, and you don't want to eat the second bite after eating the first bite. Me: "You give me a ...... out."”
4 I went to my cousin's house to eat, my cousin saw that I was coming and asked my cousin to cook, my cousin got up and was about to hand the child to my cousin, I reached out and hugged it first, but the child sprayed my face with milk...My cousin-in-law hurriedly hugged the child and said to me disdainfully: The child can't help but vomit when he sees you....I'll go, this man is a big loss!
5 Our class flower has a tiger tooth, and everyone calls her Tiger Tooth Sister.
On this day, a narcissistic, chubby girl behind me said: I also have tiger teeth!
The boy next to me was silent for a while and then said: "You are called a tiger tooth if you are beautiful, and you are called a fang!"
6 When I was a child, I earned a hundred New Year's money, and I was reluctant to spend it at that time, so I planned to hide it secretly. After looking for a long time, I found a hidden place and hid it under a large vase. Wrapped in a plastic bag, moved the vase to a position, and found that there were 500 yuan under the vase, but my parents almost fought because of this money!
7 "If I fell into the water at the same time as your mother, which one would you save first???"
You're stupid!"One fish says to another.
I'm talking about boiling water. ”
Your mom just fell into the boiling water!You deserve to fall in! ”
8The new daughter-in-law and the new mother-in-law often make jokes because they don't understand the dialect. Once, the new daughter-in-law asked her mother-in-law to help her carry the plate, but she said that she was "fat", causing the mother-in-law to think that the new daughter-in-law was saying that she was fat, and she was a little unhappy.
9The lawyer's dog ate a piece of meat from the butcher shopkeeper, and the butcher found the lawyer and asked angrily: "You are a lawyer, so tell me whether your dog should lose money if he ate a piece of meat from my shop for 20 yuan." Lawyer: "Of course." However, as a lawyer, my consultation fee is a minimum of $50 per consultation, and you should pay me another $30 now.
10And once upon a time a rich man said to his sons before he died, Go and cut wood and see who can cut it with great speed. Early in the morning, the eldest son took a knife up the mountain to chop wood, and the second son sharpened the knife.
At night, sure enough, the second son cut the most.
The rich man saw it and said to his two sons, give the family property to the eldest child, anyway, the second child is so capable!
11 "I'm your elementary school classmate, remember me?""Which, I don't remember much. "The one who won the first prize in the city essay contest when I was in the third grade. "Not impressive. "When I was in the fifth grade, I won the provincial first prize in the Olympiad. "Still not impressed. "When I was in sixth grade, I lifted my teacher's skirt and kicked my class leader's egg. "Oh!It's you!”
12 is because 520 is written as 250, and then my love goes to heaven with that 250!
Someone asked me how I broke up with my ex-girlfriend XiaomeiThat was a long time ago. Xiaomei said that as long as I proposed to her in front of everyone on Valentine's Day, she would marry me. So I was busy preparing for the proposal, and after everything was ready, I also made a hydrogen balloon with a banner written "Xiaomei 520" underneath. It wasn't until the moment I released the balloon in front of everyone that I realized that 520 was written as 250. And then my love will go to heaven with those 250!