1 When I came home from school at five o'clock, I put down my schoolbag and told my parents that I had gone to do my homework. I closed the door and started chatting with my female classmates, and I didn't come out until after eight o'clock, stretching my waist. Tell your parents: I'm tired, and my homework is finished. Mom said, "Whose schoolbag is on the sofa in the living room......
And then, you know, a men's and women's doubles!
2 My husband was going on a business trip, and before leaving, he jokingly said to his wife: In case I die and can't come back, you can find a good person to marry again. The wife said: Don't worry, I have already found it, just waiting for you to die!
3 wife is going to give birth to a second child, the eldest is a male baby, promised his wife, if she gives birth to a girl, she will be rewarded with 200,000 yuan to buy a car!
If I have another boy, I will sell my car, add the 200,000, and then make up three or four hundred thousand, and then buy a house and make a down payment!Hmmm!Emperor, beggar, it's up to you wife!
4 I know a man, and I have dated several times. I went to the movies today, we both wore 3D glasses, and I saw him secretly texting: Mom, I'll take a girl home tomorrow for you to see. After watching the movie, when I said goodbye, I reminded him, "Is there anything scheduled for tomorrow?".He said, "I have something to do tomorrow, so I'll contact you the day after tomorrow."
5The two dumplings got married, and after sending off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom, and found a meatball lying on the bed!The groom was shocked and hurriedly asked where the bride wasMeatballs said shyly: I hate it, you don't know people when they take off their clothes!
6. I have a strong sense of time since I was a child. When I was in elementary school, I didn't like to read and was often late. For this reason, he was called by the teacher to the office to be punished. Every 10 minutes I would ask the teacher, "Is it time?"The teacher always said, "No!."The last time I reminded the teacher, "It's been an hour!."The teacher looked at his watch and asked in surprise, "How do you know?""I just said my legs were sore. I didn't tell her that my pulse was beating 70 times a minute, I counted 4,200 times in my mind!
7 Valentine's Day: The old man watches the sky at night, the hotel and guesthouse must be full tonight, and there will be countless girls who have lost their virginity. Happily, lying on the bed is someone else's future wife. The tragedy is that your future wife doesn't know who is lying in bed. What's even more tragic is that she lost her life in a hotel for 40 yuan a night, but today she asked you for a house of 10,000 yuan a square meter before she was willing to marry you.
When I was 8 years old, I loved to watch TV, and my grades have not been very good. Once, my father half-jokingly said to me: If you can come back from the top ten in the final exam, you will be able to watch enough in the future. I listened to it, worked hard, and finally finished third in the class in the final exam. When I came home with my report card, my dad was surprised and delighted, it turned out that I really had the potential to study, so he locked the TV!
9. Two business owners chatting together. Boss A: Ugh!It's hard to make money now!Business is getting harder and harder!
Boss B: yes!My business is also getting worse now!
Boss A: In the past, I used to take my female secretary with me on every business trip, and I often asked her to be my wife!
Boss B: "And now?"
Boss A: Now, I can only take my wife with me on business trips, and let her be my secretary!
10 professors sit opposite each other on the train with peasants, bored.
The professor said: I give you 500 yuan if you don't know a question, if you don't know?
The farmer agreed. Professor asks: How far is the Moon from the Earth?
Without saying a word, the farmer handed the professor 5 yuan.
The farmer asked: What kind of animal is it with three legs up the mountain and four legs on the bottom of the mountain?
The professor was puzzled and had no choice but to give the farmer 500 yuan.
The farmer took the money and prepared to sleep.
The professor asked: What kind of animal is it that has three legs up the mountain and four legs down the mountain?
Without saying a word, the peasant handed the professor 5 yuan and went to sleep.
11 Dad's stunned fancy marriage urging!
My dad touched mahjong for a night, and as soon as he came back, he hugged me and cried, "Son!."Son!Daddy can't stand you!Daddy is losing you!You can pack up your clothes and go to your Uncle Zhou's house to be your son-in-law. I'll go, can you still do this to urge marriage?