1. My son is now in the second grade of primary school and already has a foreign language course. In order for him to practice his spoken English, I quit smoking and saved money by hiring a foreign teacher for my son. It didn't take long for my son's speaking skills to improve so much that my daughter-in-law and I couldn't understand what our son was saying. My daughter-in-law said to me with a resentful expression: "Do you want to quit drinking, let's go and ask for an English translator......
2. A buddy's girlfriend is extremely black. One night, they went on a date under a big tree next to their bedroom. When I returned to the dormitory, I found that there was a big push of snacks on the bed, and when you were at a loss, the roommate said: "Everyone is a brother, and if you have any difficulties, you just saw you holding a tree downstairs and gnawing on it, are you so hungry?."”
3. The weekend has finally arrived. I took the dog to the bank, and after withdrawing the money, the dog suddenly barked at me.
I was in a hurry and spread out the newspaper I had just bought to make it convenient. When I was done, I carefully wrapped the newspaper and prepared to throw it in the trash can opposite.
As soon as I arrived at the intersection, suddenly a motorcycle stopped beside me, I was stunned, and the man wearing sunglasses in the back seat of the motorcycle snatched my paper bag and sped away!
4 In the class, Xiao Ming is the most "distinctive", so his friends tease him every day: "Xiao Ming, your mother is the most beautiful mother in the world, and your father is the most beautiful father in the world, but why are you so ugly?".Another classmate answered: "Don't you know that the old saying says that dragons and phoenixes become soaring?"
5 A daughter said to her cheating husband: If you dare to divorce and marry that young goblin, I will marry the goblin and her father, and from now on, the son will call you brother-in-law, and you have to call me Mom!My husband fainted on the spot, and from then on he behaved!
6. My arm was injured, and my wife accompanied me to change the dressing, and when I took the elevator, a woman said to me, "Please press the 9th floor." "I was wearing a bandage in my right hand and something in my left hand, so I pressed her to the 9th floor with my nose. She sneered, took out her phone and said, "Add a friend?."The wife said, "Add me, and if you find me, you will find him." ”
7……Toot ......Toot ......
F: Why did you just leave?
M: Uh-huh......F: Why?
M: I thought you were a beautiful girl, but ......You were a very ugly girl when I saw you, why did you lie to me?Is online dating really only about deception?
F: I ......I don't want to, I'm sorry ......Am I scared of you?
M: ......Do you really want me to say it?
F: Hmm!M: Actually: It's not your fault that you're ugly, but it's your fault to be scary!
F: Faint ......Pour!
8 Last night, because my daughter didn't do a good job, I was beaten up by my wife, and I was in tears. When I got up this morning, I whispered to me: Dad, why didn't you marry Aunt X when you got married, you see how gentle she is, she will definitely not beat the child, if she is my mother, I will definitely be very happy. Oh, I'll go, that's what I thought when I was beaten up when I was so big with you.
9 Patient: I have insomnia.
Doctor: These pills, red make you dream of Dehua;White dreams of Aaron;Green dreams of moisturizing hair;
Patient: What if I take it all?
Doctor: Then you can meet Guorong!
10 such dates are also interesting.
The boy invited his girlfriend to dinner, and the girl ordered a shredded squid, only to find that the boy didn't eat a bite.
The girl asked the boy, "Why don't you eat it?"”
The boy smiled, "I don't like to eat." ”
The girl pretended to be angry and said, "If you don't eat it, I won't eat it." ”
The boy shyly picked up the chopsticks.
The girl smiled and said, "That's right, eat more, eat slowly, leave some for me!." ”
11 In math class, the teacher was teaching division, asking Xiao Ming to do the problem, Xiao Ming couldn't, and the teacher was very angry.
Teacher: "Is division so difficult, you can multiply, but you can't divide".
Xiao Ming: "Teacher, these two are different".
Teacher: "What's the difference, division is the inverse of multiplication, the positive one will, the inverse operation you can!."”
Xiao Ming: "you will, you give me a and I'll see!."”
Teacher: "Get out!."”
12 A professor wrote a sentence for students to punctuate, and this sentence was:"Women panic if they don't have men. "As a result, the girl's answer was:"Women panic if they don't have men. "And the boy's answer is:"Women panic if they don't have men. "