Witnessing the divorce of Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu, not only the two of them were released, but even the audience felt a little relieved, because their married life was really depressing.
In the process of divorce, there is an opinion that an irresponsible man like Xiao Lu should leave him as soon as possible once he makes a promise, otherwise he will not be able to live a happy life. In the process of Fang Yinuo's birth of the child and subsequent raising, Xiao Lu did not fulfill his responsibilities as a father, but completely handed over the burden of the family and children to his wife.
Most of the problems in marriage are not personal faults, and Xiao Lu's mistakes and deficiencies have been mentioned in his previous articles. Her fault is not because there is a problem in her marriage, but because she herself does not know how to manage her marriage. Fang Yinuo also bears responsibility, but she has not mastered the management skills of marriage. Some people used to think of women as schools and men as students, but Fang Yinuo could not be considered a quality school.
When Fang Yinuo decided to divorce, she still didn't realize her fault, and her heart was full of grievances. She felt that she had seen Xiao Lu's true face, but she did not reflect deeply on herself.
1. When women show strength, men have difficulty maturing.
In their married life, Fang Yinuo always does what he says, as long as it is decided by her, no matter how Xiao Lu opposes, it will be useless, because Fang Yinuo's attitude is too tough.
Xiao Lu originally planned to buy a crucian carp for her to nourish her body, but the purchase was wrong. When Fang Yinuo saw it, he was very dissatisfied, thinking that he couldn't understand these things and had to do them.
Reading this, I really feel speechless, men don't do very well when it comes to handling household chores, and when you put more pressure on him, he is more resistant. I once asked some men who were also confused, why are they so tired?Many women have this situation and would rather feel tired themselves than provide space for their husbands to study and Xi. After my husband and I got married, we were so busy with work that we rarely had time to take care of them. Eventually, she took on all the housework alone and criticized her husband for being lazy, but he retorted: I want to help you because you don't think I'm good enough, so you don't allow me to do it!
If Xiao Lu buys the wrong fish, he can choose not to cook the fish soup and cook it in other ways. If Fang Yinuo sincerely praised him and told him the type of fish, then Xiao Lu would definitely keep it in mind next time.
He He accidentally fell, and Fang Yinuo accompanied her to the hospital for an X-ray examination to confirm whether there was a head injury. When she returned from the hospital, Xiao Lu unlocked the co-pilot's door for her. "Hey, why are you in such a hurry?When Fang Yinuo saw this scene, his eyes became anxious again, and he asked eagerly: Can I take the child to sit in front?
When Xiao Lu made a mistake, Fang Yinuo never considered whether he was an unintentional person, he would only blame him and did not give him any chance to explain.
A woman is overconfident and aggressive, she thinks she is very capable and able to cope with various situations, so she will express her dissatisfaction with the man's abilities and will feel dissatisfied with anything he does. Men are like this, they always feel that they can't do it. If this continues, men may feel more and more scared of you, they will make more mistakes, and they may even choose not to do it.
Xiao Lu seems to be an immature child, especially in the process of raising children, he does not really experience the feeling of giving birth to a child, nor can he understand his mother's deep feelings for him. Women spend the ten months of pregnancy with their children, which allows them to deeply feel the little life in their womb, which gives them a natural advantage when it comes to caring for their children.
Men are different, they don't have emotions. Many people think: "There is a lack of emotional bond between men and newborns, they cannot really understand how women feel." It is only when the child is born that they begin to develop a deep emotional connection with the child. ”
I think this statement is very accurate, and it is only when a man really sees his child that he really understands the relationship between this child and him.
Xiao Lu wholeheartedly pursues his career and provides sufficient material life for his wife and daughter, but neglects the importance of accompanying them. After she divorced her husband, she has been living a poor and lonely life. Fang Yinuo should seriously tell Xiao Lu that she can make more money in the future, and if she has no money, she will directly sentence Xiao Lu to the "death penalty" because she thinks he doesn't love children and doesn't want children.
Fang Yinuo is too strong, she thinks that Xiao Lu is an incompetent person, and she feels that men are not needed by the family, so her sense of presence in the family is reduced, and she wants to escape from reality.
Second, because of the overly sensitive personality, men often want to avoid it.
Fang Yinuo's confinement sister-in-law came to help take care of the child, and he kept an eye on her, even suspecting that she might have fed the child milk powder. However, the confinement lady said that she didn't know how to feed it. In the middle of the night, she would go into the confinement lady's room, listen to her voice, and check whether it had any adverse effects on the child.
When she saw someone criticizing her for being lazy and wanting to rest more, she became more cautious and always kept a close eye on her behavior.
He He had severe symptoms of jaundice, and the confinement lady did not notice this, which was indeed her dereliction of duty. However, Fang Yinuo's high sensitivity is even more prominent, she has a complete lack of trust in the confinement lady, and continues to monitor her.
The child has a higher degree of breast milk jaundice, and the more breast milk is consumed, the greater the severity of the jaundice. In addition, Fang Yinuo did not provide enough breast milk, resulting in the child not being able to eat enough, and the confinement lady thought that mixed feeding was the best choice. However, the child did not think so - the mother said that her breast milk was not good, the child would have diarrhea after eating, and she had to eat a lot of things to adapt to the new environment. What to do?When Xiao Lu mentioned that the child might have breast milk jaundice, Fang Yinuo's emotions quickly became irritable: "There may be a problem with my breast milk!".
When someone just said a simple word, she thought they were blaming her, which really made her very irritable. Her personality is suspicious, sensitive, and she doesn't trust people easily. The end result is that others will lie and hide it in order to take care of her emotions, afraid that she will think too much.
The mother-in-law came to help take care of the children, and she was also uneasy and would use a telescope to look down from the window. Mother-in-law said, isn't this a bad use of the high color screen?While the high-color screen doesn't look very reliable, it does make them feel a little embarrassed for those who specifically buy a telescope. If their mother-in-law saw the high color screen, she would definitely feel uncomfortable inside.
Women are too sensitive and prone to finding trouble, and being her husband is also a big challenge, because it is difficult for an overly sensitive woman to please, and if you say something inadvertently, she will misunderstand.
3. In the process of raising children, relying too much on "books" may lead to excessive anxiety.
Some experts point out that any unpleasant experience before the age of three may have a negative impact on the whole life. ”
When I heard Fang Yinuo say this, my inner feeling was: just listen to it.
Before the age of three, children tend to cry loudly, and adults often can't help but get angry, and such roars are relatively common. It is also common for those children who have a bad temper to sometimes be tempted to hit the child a few times when they are unable to control their anger. I don't think that's good for children. If you want to make sure that your child is always happy, I don't think anyone will be able to do that.
When the confinement sister-in-law was present, Fang Yinuo would record the child's ** and defecation in detail, and after the confinement sister-in-law left, she asked her mother-in-law to continue to make records. When the confinement sister-in-law's daughter was young, Gao Cai often showed her the screen, and sometimes helped to record. Gao Caiping is a person who lacks cultural accomplishment, how can she carry out such a delicate work?
Frankly, I have never seen a mother around me who prepares a booklet so carefully. I used to jot down several pages every time I came back from a business trip and take it home with me. Initially, the brain only roughly recorded the amount of milk powder the child drank, but over time it gradually became regular, so it was no longer recorded.
Fang Yinuo is very "careful" when taking care of her children, and she often uses the word "expert" to emphasize that she believes that her parenting methods are the most scientific.
When it comes to giving birth to their first child, new mothers are prone to anxiety because of their lack of experience, fear that their child will get sick, and expectations for their child are too high, and these problems are unavoidable.
Fang Yinuo seemed very anxious, many of the things she did were in vain, the child didn't really need her, it was just caused by her personal behavior patterns.
There was a rift in the marital relationship between Fang Yinuo and Xiao Lu, mainly because of the problem of the child. Fang Yinuo felt very anxious, while Xiao Lu was too relaxed. One person feels that the other person is too worried, while the other person thinks that the other person does not care, which can easily lead to conflicts between the two parties.
Fourth, the speech is not appropriate enough, which leads to an increase in misunderstandings.
Xiao Lu hoped to have an in-depth conversation with Fang Yinuo, hoping that she could say what was in her heart, but Fang Yinuo responded: You'd better stop talking to me.
There is a lack of effective communication between Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo, Xiao Lu is not good at expressing his opinions, and Fang Yinuo is tough in words. If there is no effective communication in the marriage, various problems are bound to arise.
I must say that Fang Yinuo is really good, she is very good at self-care in daily life and is able to arrange her affairs clearly. In her view, marriage is a relationship between two people who take care of each other, care for each other, help each other and support each other, rather than a burden or pressure. However, in a marriage, both parties need to face their own problems and challenges together, and they cannot easily dismiss the other party because they feel that they have become a drag.
Whenever the two of them were discussing a certain issue, Fang Yinuo always had an argument with Xiao Lu. "Do you think there's something wrong with your mother?Although Gao Caiping did not knock on the door, Fang Yinuo began to accuse Xiao Lu and suggested that he communicate with his mother-in-law. In my opinion, this matter is actually not complicated, if it is not convenient, you can directly lock the door, and after a few such operations, the mother-in-law will know the truth.
If you don't understand, you have to scramble to deal with it!”
That He He will lie to us when he grows up!”
Go inside and see what your mom has brought!”
Although Fang Yinuo's words were all correct, the tone and tone of her speech gave a strong sense of oppression, so she chose not to express it so tactfully. She said that she was a very assertive woman and did not greet people easily. Whether male or female, they tend to hear pleasant words, and Xiao Lu occasionally makes some compliments, but Fang Yinuo doesn't do that.
The implication is that a woman who is not good at communication, she will neither be coquettish nor show gentleness, and at home, it will be difficult for her to play a mediating role.
Xiao Lu is a straightforward man, his straightforward personality, coupled with Fang Yinuo's lack of communication, makes communication between them difficult.
Fifth, too calculating.
After the divorce, Fang Yinuo returned home to tidy up his belongings, and in the process helped Xiao Lu clean his room, tidy up the floor, and reserve lighting equipment for him, which seemed very emotional!
However, there is a small detail, I don't know if you have noticed, Fang Yinuo has removed the TV set at home. It wasn't until I met with Fang Yinuo that I realized that I didn't notice this in the process of my **.
However, this tiny detail is very similar to Fang Yinuo's personality, she always likes to plan carefully, making sure that everything is calculated very clearly and clearly.
In the account books, her memory is very clear, and she also has a deep memory of the daily diet of her children. She believes that marriage is to manage it well and make it the most important part of her life. When her ex-wife was doing her homework, she found that her ex-husband's home was in a mess, and she thought that simply cleaning it was also out of deep affection. So, she decided to move to a new house. When she decided to remove the TV, it was probably because she felt that she already had half of the furniture and appliances in her home, so she decided to remove the TV.
Fang Yinuo's calculation is very clear, she is too good at calculation, so Xiao Lu thinks that she is playing a virtuous wife and mother. He believes that as long as she puts in the effort, she should be rewarded accordingly and asks others to follow her advice and advice.
In general, for a woman like Fang Yinuo, you may feel that she has a lot of shortcomings, but in reality it is difficult to find out the specific shortcomings because she has done a lot of things. It would also be inaccurate to say that she has no shortcomings, because she is too persistent and living with her will cause her a lot of mental stress.
Sixth, about self-esteem.
On the issue of raising children, I think Fang Yinuo's approach is slightly inappropriate, he completely allows his mother to raise children. Fang Yinuo deeply distrusts Gao Caiping's granddaughter and wants her to leave, but her mother insists that Gao Caiping is unwilling to leave.
I think that's a bit overdone. Although the mother-in-law is better suited to take care of the children, the mother-in-law is also trying to learn how to take care of the children Xi, she does not allow others to touch the children, only allowing them to help with cleaning and cooking.
When Gao Caiping tried to touch the child's face, Fang Yinuo's mother hurriedly covered it with her arm and warned that the child might drool.
At the child's first birthday banquet, Gao Caiping wanted to visit her granddaughter, but Fang Yinuo's parents told her that the child was sleeping, and they would take him out to see it again, He He was their biological granddaughter, why couldn't she watch it?
This behavior of the Fang family seems to hurt people's self-esteem, they look down on the Xiao family, and feel that they are much lower than their own family.
Xiao Lu noticed Fang Yinuo's family's contempt for his family, and his younger brother misbehaved, what was his attitude towards him?Although Xiao Lu can bear it, he regards his mother as a "servant", which makes me feel that Xiao Lu is unbearable.
As a daughter-in-law, Fang Yinuo knows that her mother is responsible for taking care of the children at home, so she should also think about Xiao Lu and consider giving her mother-in-law the opportunity to take turns taking care of the children.
The Fang family takes care of the children, although they seem to be helping their daughter on the surface, but in essence, they look down on the Xiao family. Xiao Lu said he was determined to be a respectable person as a teenager. But after getting married, he found that his wife and family looked down on him, which made him feel very depressed inside.
6. A harmonious marriage relationship involves two different families.
Xiao Lu seems to be a little at a loss when dealing with the relationship between husband and wife, mainly because he was born in a family environment that was not pampered by his parents. Gao Caiping's pungent personality made him completely unable to understand what an ideal married life should be.
Fang Yinuo's parents are both very healthy, they are both well-educated, and their living conditions are better than Xiao Lu's family. The backgrounds of the two families are completely different, Fang Yinuo feels that it is a little difficult for Xiao Lu to take care of her, while Xiao Lu feels that she is too busy.
In Xie Tianhua's family, the parents of the Xie family are very sophisticated, pay attention to etiquette, and are good at communication. Fang Yinuo will not feel that they are unreasonable, and their living Xi is also very good, so Fang Yinuo will not have too much dissatisfaction.
When she and Xiao Lu entered the palace of marriage, her parents did not approve. They believe that Xiao Lu has no property and no vehicles, and the family's financial situation is not good. The Fang family didn't have a good impression of Xiao Lu at first, but as the problem arose, they became even more convinced that they shouldn't have married their daughter to him in the first place.
Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo do not seem to be a good match in terms of family background and personality, they did not deal with emotional problems well after they got married, bravely faced and solved the problems, and finally chose to divorce.
Final stage: Many people believe that these two people are not actually a good fit and how can they come togetherIn fact, this is completely understandable, and the personalities of the two of them are also very close. What we observed was their life after they had children, and judging from what they were doing before they got married, they both did a great job and were ideal marriage partners.
Although Xiao Lu's family financial situation is not ideal, he is full of ambition and clear goals, and is seen as a person with great potential;His parents were intellectuals and worked in the city. Fang Yinuo's family is financially decent, with relatively light financial burdens, a high degree of independence, and is very suitable for the role of wife.
After giving birth, the personality problems of these two people began to appear, they both believed that their parents were born for the sake of the child, and did not seem to be fully prepared for the birth of the child. Actually, it's all because of their marital problems. Couples need to adapt and run in with each other after marriage, and if they have not fully run in and already have children, it is easy to have conflicts and contradictions.
Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo's original intentions were both for the well-being of their families and children, but their methods were different, coupled with some external factors, which led them to ignore each other's feelings and gradually increase their dissatisfaction with each other.
Ren Suxi said in an interview that from a sensory point of view, everyone generally thinks that Fang Yinuo has paid more, but in fact, Xiao Lu did not really work, but the efforts of the two of them did not achieve the expected results.