Everyone aspires to live a long life, but often reality is the opposite. In the face of the end of life, we are always helpless, even if our hearts are full of reluctance and pain, but no matter what, we must face it bravely.
So, for families with only one child, how to properly deal with the problem of taking care of their parents in their old age is a concern for many elderly people. And the protagonist of this article, Sister Cao, lost four close relatives within a year, and her pain and bitterness may only be truly understood by those who have experienced it.
So, what exactly did she go through?Let's listen to the story of Sister Cao.
Sister Cao's story: My name is Cao Guifang, I am 50 years old, and last month, I sent away my father-in-law, who is my husband's adoptive father and raised him for 52 years. I had just recovered from my hospital bed, and the doctor said I was overworked, but after the pain and heartache of losing four loved ones in just one year, I made a decision: for the rest of my life, I would not support the elderly and would not rely on my children.
I only have one daughter, and her spouse is also an only child, so I know she will face the same burden of retirement as I do. In the process of caring for my parents, I deeply understand that children see their parents suffering as much as their terminally ill parents.
I don't want my daughter and son-in-law to go through the same pain and powerlessness. In addition, no matter how filial you are, you cannot replace your parents' illness and pain, and you can only watch them go away in the end.
Some families are dragged down in order to take care of the elderly, which is not worth it.
In the face of terminal illness, we not only have to endure tremendous financial pressure, but also face the possibility of losing our lives. Therefore, we should be brave enough to face the reality, let go of ourselves and others, and let everyone live a better life.
In my life, I went through the process of taking care of four elderly people, which made me deeply realize that life cannot be forced. Next, I will share my experience, hoping to inspire you and make us cherish life more.
I was born into a peasant family, my father was disabled, my mother was an ordinary rural woman, and I had an older brother who was four years older than me. In the 70s of the last century, in a society that relied on labor to earn money, family life like ours was very difficult.
My mother has always worked hard, relying on hard work and ability, and finally saw her eldest brother get ahead and change the fate of the family. However, due to the hard work of her youth, her mother was already too damaged, and later she also suffered from various diseases.
When she turned 58, she became seriously ill and was confined to bed, cared for by her father, who had a cerebral infarction. However, what people didn't expect was that my father, who was already sick, suddenly had a cerebral infarction one night after taking care of his mother, who was seriously ill in bed for two years, and left us very suddenly.
My father, who had been with my mother for 42 years, left like this, and my mother was very sad and felt that her life was meaningless, and she chose to die many times, but I stopped her in time.
Since my father's death, my mother's health has deteriorated, and doctors told us that she needs to be accompanied 24 hours a day. After discussing with my eldest brother, I decided to resign from my newly promoted position as CFO and go home to take care of my mother full-time.
Although my mother's mood improved with me, her physical condition deteriorated day by day, and the results of the examination were worrying. Her mother was very open-minded, she said that she had been bedridden for two years, unable to move or walk, and felt like the walking dead.
Her life used to be taken care of by her father, and now that his father is gone, and he is still dragging me down, she feels that there is no point in living like this except for consciousness. I advised her to relax and not give up until the last minute.
However, when my mother was out shopping for groceries, she had been planning for a long time, took all the rest of the medicine in one go, and left us. I had just sent off my two elderly people and was still suffering from the death of my parents, when my father-in-law and mother-in-law were diagnosed with mid-stage and terminal cancer.
When his father-in-law was diagnosed with a terminal illness, he was so frightened that he lost his original spirit and couldn't sleep all night. My husband and I constantly comforted him, took turns to accompany him through the long nights, and chatted with him.
No matter where I go, I follow him around, afraid that he will be cranky when he is alone. We all hope that he will be able to lift his spirits and fight his illness. Unexpectedly, my father-in-law underwent various physical examinations every year and often sought medical advice, but fate was merciless, and he still could not escape the clutches of cancer in the end.
My mother-in-law has always been a healthy person in my heart, and my husband and I have hardly seen her suffer from any serious illness for many years. She worked outside all the year round and cooked for others, but she didn't expect that one day her arm pain was unbearable, and after going to the hospital for examination, she found out that she had a terminal illness.
This world is really unpredictable, and when illness comes, no one is left with the slightest time to prepare. I heard from the doctor that my mother-in-law was caused by long-term inhalation of oil fumes, but unfortunately it was already at an advanced stage when she was discovered, and she couldn't **.
Despite being diagnosed with a terminal illness, my mother-in-law's wisdom is like that of a mother, she does not take medicine, does not take injections, and says that she only has one son and does not want to add too much pressure to him, and half a year later, she suddenly left us like a father.
During that time, my father-in-law was diagnosed with mid-stage cancer, and the doctor recommended surgery**, but the success rate was not high. Our family was very entangled, and in the end, we listened to my father-in-law's opinion and decided to let him undergo surgery.
After a long wait for the operation, my father-in-law finally came out of the operating room, although the operation was successful, but the doctor told us that the possibility of the future is very high, so let's be mentally prepared.
After sending away my parents and the elderly mother-in-law, I was tired of taking care of my father-in-law, but despite this, my father-in-law persisted for less than half a year, and all parts of his body had problems, and finally he was incontinent and could only rely on painkillers to relieve the pain.
On a rainy morning, I stayed up late for 2 days to stay with my father-in-law, he was too tired to stand up, and when I fell asleep on the sofa, my father-in-law suddenly disappeared.
I searched for him everywhere and finally found his breathless body on the roof of my house, with some feces and urine coming out of his body. At this time, I realized that when my father-in-law was still conscious, he must not be able to endure the torture of illness, and wanted to quietly jump off the roof to end his life.
However, when the last moment of his life came, he had no strength, and his last life ended on the floor of the rooftop. Seeing every dear old man leave in front of me one by one, I suddenly cried!
I was finally freed from the pain I had so long hauled to see them suffer from illness during their lifetimes, and as daughters and daughters-in-law, there was nothing I could do about their death but to watch them disappear from our lives.
The thought of leaving like this makes me feel anxious and afraid. However, after crying, I felt a little fortunate that I had met such excellent parents and in-laws in my life.
Although my family's financial conditions are average, I have my eldest brother to share the financial pressure, and I can concentrate on taking care of them. However, the pressure on my husband's side fell entirely on us, both financially and caregiving.
Before my parents were sick, I was already anxious about how I would be able to take care of four elderly people by myself. My mother and mother-in-law seemed to foresee this, so when they knew that their condition was serious, they chose the least dragging us down and ended their old age.
In order to reduce my burden, my father chose to take care of my mother alone, and he walked quickly and did not experience too much pain.
Watching my father-in-law pass away, our hearts were full of pain, but at the last moment, he still didn't want us to suffer more. The day before he died, while he was still conscious, he blamed himself, saying that he had caused us trouble, and now that all his possessions were gone, he finally had to leave us.
Witnessing what happened to them made me realize more deeply that I would never trouble my daughter for the rest of my life when I was able to take care of myself. When the flame of my life is about to be extinguished, I don't need to go to the hospital to receive **, I will give some of the money to do what I want to do, which is less painful than staying on the operating table.
When that moment really comes, I don't need the care of my children, I just need to give them a ** and let them prepare for me. Because I witnessed these painful things firsthand, I felt that for the rest of my life, instead of spending my time in various hospitalizations, injections, medications, and chemotherapy, I should enjoy this last journey of life.
Do you agree with me?