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Lenin died, and God and the devil met to decide who would take him. After a lengthy debate, they decided to give Lenin a one-year internship in heaven and hell for one year each.
In the first year, the devil took Lenin. A year later, the devil and God met again in the same place. God asked the devil, "What did he do in your hell?"The devil sighed, "Ahem!."He transformed all the little ghosts into Young Pioneers. ”
God and the devil were separated for another year, and Lenin went to heaven to begin his apprenticeship. A year passed, the devil appeared in the appointed place, but God did not come.
The devil waited and waited, and after several days, God still did not come, and the devil decided to go to him. When the devil found God, he was staring thoughtfully at a piece of paper, muttering something to himself, and he didn't see the devil at all.
The devil stood and watched for a moment, and said impatiently: "Tell me, how is Lenin?".”
God was taken aback, and then replied: "ShhhhI was preparing for our first party congress ......”
After the war, two Poles came together to discuss the discipline of the German and Soviet armies.
Military discipline of the Nazis or Bolsheviks, which was worse?”
The Bolsheviks were even worse. ”
How so?”
After the Bolsheviks occupied a place, there were always a few people who violated military discipline by burning and looting, and the political commissars had to shoot them to control military discipline. ”
And what about the Nazis?”
After the Nazis occupied a place, there were always a few people who violated military discipline and did not want to burn and loot, but the officers did not need to shoot them, just say, 'I guess there are Jews among us,' and military discipline was immediately controlled. ”
A Ukrainian partisan was captured by the Germans, who were ready to torture him inhumanely.
Say!Why did you dare to raise troops against the great Third Reich?”
The partisans' eyes widened, they looked around blankly, and asked, "May I ask the Austrians in **?."
We merged it!”
The Poles are in **?
We've wiped it out!”
*What about people?"We drove them away!”
Then you're asking me such stupid questions!The Ukrainian partisans shouted angrily.
Comrade Beria asked a teacher with a sad face with concern: "What's the matter?"How can I help you?”
The teacher said: "Comrade Ravlendi, you can't help, you see, what's wrong with the children now, today I asked Lyuba 'How did Leo Tolstoy die?'But she said: 'I didn't do it.' I asked Sasha, and he said, 'I didn't do it.' I asked Nikolai, and the answer was the same!”
The next day, Comrade Beria approached the teacher: "Now you can rest assured that they have confessed that they killed Leo Tolstoy." ”
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Soviet man chatted together.
British: "The happiest thing is to come home on a winter night and sit in front of the fireplace in woolen trousers." ”
Frenchman: "You English are old-fashioned, and the happiest thing for us French is to go on holiday to the Mediterranean with a blonde and then get along and get together." ”
Soviet: "The happiest thing is when someone knocks on the door in the middle of the night, and when the door is opened, the person tells me, 'Konstantin, you're **,' but Konstantin lives next door." ”
Comrade Gorbachev inspected the farm, saw the pigs obedient, and stood in the middle of the pigs on a whim and took a picture.
By the time the newspaper was ready to be published, the editor had a hard time with the headline:
Comrade Gorbachev with pigs", no!
Pigs and Comrade Gorbachev together", neither will it!
After the publication of the newspaper, the caption under ** reads: "The third from the left is Comrade Gorbachev. ”
Comrade Khrushchev and Mr. Nixon met and each boasted about the greatness of his country.
Mr. Nixon said: "The United States has developed medicine, and there is a kind of pill that the dead can be resurrected after eating. Comrade Khrushchev said: "Sports were developed in the USSR, and someone could run from Moscow to Washington in ten minutes." ”
Mr. Nixon's request was fulfilled, and Comrade Khrushchev immediately panicked and convened the members of the committee to discuss countermeasures.
Kaganovich said: "This is easy to do, you first ask Nixon to bring the pills and let Comrade Stalin eat them, if Comrade Stalin is really resurrected, then you can run from the Soviet Union to the United States in less than five minutes." ”
Comrade Khrushchev's car was blocked by a cow and could not be driven away, so Comrade Khrushchev got out of the car and said to the cow: "If you don't leave, I will send you to the collective farm." ”
When the cow heard this, he was so frightened that he ran away.
Yeltsin spoke of Gorbachev "highly" in one of his speeches:
For many years, under Gorbachev, our motherland, Russia, has been on the edge of a precipice. Now I can finally proudly announce that having driven away Gorbachev, our great Russia, has finally taken a big step forward. ”
Andropov was in power for only one year and three months, and he suffered from severe kidney disease, spending most of his time in the hospital.
Gorbachev finally understood why Andropov had two microphones in front of him when he ascended Lenin's tomb to speak: one to speak, and the other to deliver oxygen.
Ivan turned on the TV, it was Comrade Brezhnev's speech. Ivan got bored and changed one, it was still Comrade Brezhnev who was speaking, and another one, it was him.
Ivan changed more than a dozen channels in a row, all of them were Brezhnev, and finally got tired and was about to turn off the TV, when Brezhnev in the picture suddenly became the KGB, and said angrily: "If you dare to change again, if you dare to change again, you will be sentenced to ten years in prison!"”
Brezhnev, Dubcek (first secretary of the Communist Committee of Czechoslovakia), Aiden (British Prime Minister) and Nixon traveled in balloons.
Soon after the balloon lifted off, it leaked, could not carry four people, and began to fall, and someone had to sacrifice themselves to jump off in order to lighten the load.
Nixon shouted "For the free world!."He jumped down in spite of himself.
The balloon falling is suspended, but it is still leaking and falling, and another person must jump.
So Aiden shouted, "For Her Majesty!".", jumped down.
After a pause, the balloon did not work again, so Brezhnev shouted "For the sake of the socialist family" and threw Dubcek out.
Brezhnev became the only survivor.
A man who scolded the portrait of Comrade Brezhnev in public was an "idiot" and was arrested by the KGB and sentenced to 5 years in prison for insulting the party and state leaders, and 4 years in prison for leaking the party and the party.
But he was soon released, and since Comrade Brezhnev made a speech at the UN, it was no longer a party and a party.
American historians and Russian historians, discuss who led the first half of the twentieth century.
I voted for Mr. Hoover," said the American historian, "who tried to teach us Americans to stop drinking!."”
That's not a big deal!The Russian historian said, "I chose Stalin, who tried to teach us that people don't eat anymore." ”
The KGB of the USSR and the CIA boasted to each other about how amazing their respective institutions were.
The KGB spoke first, "We have detailed data on all your missile launches in the United States over the past fifteen years. ”
The CIA said: "This is nothing, we in the CIA have a list of all the elected members of your Soviet Union for the next fifteen years." ”
In Czechoslovakia**, a "Admiralty" was established, for which the Soviet big brother criticized the Czechs: "You are a landlocked country, what Admiralty do you have?".”
The Czechs replied: "Don't you also have a Ministry of Culture?"”
During World War II, a British, a Frenchman, and a Soviet soldier were captured by the Germans and sentenced to death.
Before the execution, the German soldiers asked them what they had to ask for the last time.
The British soldier said, "I want a beer." "He was given a beer.
The French soldier said, "I want a glass of wine." "He was given a glass of wine.
The Soviet soldier said, "Please kick me in the ass." ”
So, two German soldiers with big shoulders and round waists raised their legs at the same time and kicked him far away. When it was too late, the Soviets suddenly burst out bravely, knocked down a few German soldiers on the side with their fists, captured a machine gun, and knocked down a group of German soldiers.
Three people survived.
On the way to escape, the British and French soldiers asked, "You are so powerful, why didn't you do it earlier, we were almost shot!"”
The Soviet soldier laughed: "If no one kicks the ass, we Soviets can't do anything!."”
Extended reading:
Strange things in the former Soviet Union, strange things, strange things, absurd things (**25), strange things in the former Soviet Union, strange things, strange things, absurd things (**24), strange things in the former Soviet Union, strange things, tragic things and absurd things (**23), strange things in the former Soviet Union, strange things, tragic things and absurd things (**21).