Here's what a reader wrote:
My husband and I are college classmates and lovers, because our hometowns are both in the countryside, and we came to a consensus during our relationship: after we succeed in our studies, we will stay in the city where we went to college to work. And because it is much more difficult for undergraduates to find jobs than for graduate students, after graduating from undergraduates, we went to graduate school together.
The following year, we held a wedding in our respective hometowns, and with the help of our parents, we mortgaged a house in the city where we worked. The following year, our child was born. After that, my mother-in-law came to us and helped us with the baby. At that time, I also wanted my father-in-law to come to us, the main consideration: I didn't want to separate from my father-in-law because my mother-in-law helped us take care of the baby, but my father-in-law was not happy to come to us, and the reasons given by my father-in-law were: 1) I have lived together for a long time and am worried about conflicts;2) There are orchards, crops, and poultry at home, and the annual income is tens of thousands of yuan, which makes him feel more comfortable than going to the city to work as a security guard and cleaner. Because my father-in-law is not happy to come to us, we can only respect my father-in-law's decision.
In a blink of an eye, my mother-in-law has been living with us for 3 years, during which I got along with my mother-in-law quite well, but a few days ago, I learned the news of my father-in-law's cheating. This incident was told to her mother-in-law by a person in the village in **, and her father-in-law's cheating object was a widowed woman. In this case, the mother-in-law was anxious to return to her father-in-law. The reality is that once my mother-in-law goes back, there will be no one to bring us the baby (my parents are currently living at my brother's house and taking care of my nephew).
The best way to deal with it at the moment: 1) Separate the father-in-law and the lover. The husband criticized his father-in-law about this matter in **, and his father-in-law also promised to clean himself from now on, but his mother-in-law was still not at ease with his father-in-law;2) Take your father-in-law to us. Unfortunately, my father-in-law didn't want to come to live in the city at all. In this case, we can only send my mother-in-law back to her hometown. The point is, after my mother-in-law returns to her hometown, who will take care of our children?
Mu Zi Li emotion**:
A reality that we can't escape: 1) In many rural areas in our country, there are too many villages that are developing towards an uninhabited situation, because the old people who stay in the villages will gradually disappear from this world because of their old age, and those young people who grew up in the villages are unwilling to engage in agricultural life, resulting in the original lively countryside becoming more and more desolate;2) The population of some economically underdeveloped or relatively harsh large cities is also gradually decreasing, because the current generation is more concerned about whether the process of living is comfortable, once they find a place to settle in the city with a more developed economy and a suitable climate, their hometown has become a distant place they rarely go back;3) Even some retirees, after retirement, they will find some cities with more suitable climates to live in, resulting in the population of some provinces showing a downward trend every year.
In this era of continuous population migration, people often face three dilemmas: 1) Coming to a brand new city, buying a house has become an urgent thing to solve, however, buying a house such a major matter may empty 6 purses, and at the same time, it will also face the label of a house slave who has been burdened for 30 years;2) When you have worked hard in the city and have your own house, you need to work harder, at this time, in the face of the birth of a child, you may consider letting your parents in your hometown help you take care of your child;3) Regarding the fact that parents help themselves to take care of their children, it is not that parents can come to their children together, and some parents still have work and things to do in their hometowns, resulting in parents having to face the separation of husband and wife in order to bring children to their children.
A reality that we have to admit: sometimes, people will have to go to the city to work in order to cope with the minimum firewood, rice, oil and salt in life. The original intention of people to go to the city to work is to create a life that is not shabby for their lovers and children. However, when the husband and wife are separated all the year round, it cannot be ruled out that one of them will be involved in an extramarital affair in a lonely state, or even divorce because of the extramarital affair. This result is obviously contrary to my original intention of going to the city to work;There is another situation, in order to help the children working in the city to reduce the burden, after the children have children, they have to go to the city to help the children take care of the baby, but there are still some things to take care of in the hometown, in this case, the husband and wife have to face the separation of the two places, at this time, it is also easy to lead to extramarital affairs.
After all, people are species with multiple needs. Although many things have a focused order in people's cognition, people will also be driven by the mentality of what is scarce and what is scarce, and at some point they will be greedy. It's like: some people are not interested in drinking with friends at first, but when they are bored, they do not refuse in the face of friends' invitations, thus forming the Xi of gathering with friends from time to time;For example, some people are not interested in physical activity at first, but because they are too obese or have problems with their physical health, they passively start physical activity and eventually become addictedIt's like: some people don't have the idea of having an extramarital affair at first, but in a lonely state, they end up betraying their marriage for the sake of instinctive needs.
After you have a child, why do you instinctively ask your in-laws to go into the city to help you take care of the baby?1) You are busy with work and do not have the time and energy to take care of your children;2) The cost of hiring a babysitter is high, and you are not comfortable leaving the baby to the babysitter. Why did your in-laws choose to refuse when you asked your in-laws to go to the city where you live?1) There are crops, orchards, and poultry at home to take care of;2) Your father-in-law thinks that he has gone to the city to find a part-time job and has not yet made money at home. Found no: The reason why your mother-in-law helped you take care of the baby and your in-laws who separated from each other is actually the reason for the poor money. However, starting a family will inevitably face too many choices, and the trade-offs between them must be premised on family stability. For this reason, in the face of the current actual situation of your family, it is the most affordable way to let your mother-in-law continue to help you take care of the baby and let your father-in-law come to the city to find a job.
Under the current situation, you have a headache: when your father-in-law is unwilling to go to the city, your mother-in-law is no longer at ease with your father-in-law's private life, resulting in your mother-in-law only wanting to return to your father-in-law and play a supervisory role in your father-in-law. For this reason, it is time for your husband to make a special trip back to his hometown and tell you the pros and cons in front of your father-in-law, so as to achieve the effect of your father-in-law coming to you. When faced with choices, there are inevitably trade-offs. For this reason, we also need to understand something: many times, we do not want to live under the same roof with our in-laws, in fact, our in-laws do not want to live under the same roof with us, but sometimes, in the face of the actual situation, a large family has to face the need to live under the same roof, at this time, all family members should show a humble attitude.
Editor's note: After everyone goes to society, they will have a minimum plan and expectation for their future life, and once the plan and expectation do not reflect the reality, they will feel that life is a little depressing. However, we also need to understand the harsh realities: 1) Plans can't keep up with change;2) Unsatisfactory things are the norm of life. In between, we need to take out the mentality of being in the way of life, and learn to make ourselves happy and manage our emotions.
Life is originally made up of too many small fragments, and during this period, family members will inevitably encounter some quarrels and frictionsInstead, we should rationally find the optimal solution to the problem in a state of weighing the pros and cons. No one's life is smooth sailing, and for this reason, in the face of too many twists and turns in life, we need to solve problems rationally, rather than not knowing how to solve problems, so that life tends to be worse.
Left-behind elderly
*from the web, **unrelated).