In third-tier cities, the subject's husband has one day off at work, 15 days off a month, a monthly salary of 8,000, and the subject has a single day off, with a monthly salary of 5,000, with two suites, a car, a monthly mortgage of 4,000, and the child will go to primary school next year. Not to mention what level this income belongs to in a small city, the subject's family can't save money all year round, and there are too many places to spend money in life.
As long as you don't go to work, the subject's husband has been playing games, and he can play from morning to 3 o'clock at night, which can be said to be very addictive. The subject asked him not to play games every day, and when he had time to think about how to increase his income, he would say that who didn't earn as much as he did, and his daughter-in-law not only took care of all the housework at home but didn't care about so many things, saying that the subject didn't earn as much as he did, and he shouldn't be accused of playing games.
Is the subject wrong?
The subject's starting point is not wrong, but the method is wrong. Before a man himself has figured it out and wants to take the initiative to quit the game, trying to use this angle of denouncing the harm of the game to convince him that it is completely ineffective and harmful to the relationship between husband and wife.
First of all, the subject's husband is very aware of the dangers of the game. Harms such as games that waste time, games that stay up late are not good for health, and games cost money, game addicts themselves are actually more aware of the dangers of games than their families. It's like a lot of people don't like their husbands smoking, so they tell their husbands what is the harm of smoking. In fact, women don't know half of the harm of smoking. Many men take an attitude of hiding as much as possible about the cough and cold caused by smoking, yellow teeth and yellow hands, which is not a glorious thing. It's the same with games, how much money the game is charged to, the lack of energy caused by staying up late the day before, and the mistakes at work, many times only the game addict himself knows. Therefore, the game addict has a deeper feeling and more comprehensive understanding of the harm of the game than the family member who made him quit gaming. Although he is more aware of the dangers, the crux of the matter is that it is not enough to know that the game is harmful, and let him quit the game, for reasons I will talk about at the end.
Secondly, the subject's expression damages the dignity of men. To deny a man's actions is to deny the man. The most important thing for men is not to enjoy material things, nor to raise their children to be excellent, but to have dignity and face. Moreover, men are more aggressive. When your partner is denying his dignity, he will fight back, you still talk about me, what about yourself, you are not as good as me.
Thirdly, the subject puts her husband on the opposite side of the family's interests. The subject seems to be from the perspective of the supremacy of family interests, for the good of the family, but only does not consider the interests of her husband. In the current state of her husband's game addiction, it is in her husband's interest to continue to play games.
Fourth, all kinds of obstacles and restrictions have caused her husband to have a sense of sacrifice. In many cases, the reduction in playing time due to family restrictions can make you feel that you are not voluntary, lack freedom, and are forced to sacrifice. In this situation, the person concerned usually adopts an attitude of making amends. Double down on making up without the family knowing.
Fifth, the subject should seek progress on his own, and then use the results to influence his husband. Income is the result of a long lag, and there is immediate feedback on what you are doing every day. If the subject also watches** every day, brushes short**, and chases dramas, it is no different from the subject's husband playing games. Therefore, you can only influence others if you change first, and you don't change and ask others to change are **, and your words and deeds are inconsistent.
Based on these 5 points, this method of disliking her husband's gaming behavior and denouncing the game for harming the interests of the family is ineffective.
Let me talk about why gaming is not harmful enough for a person to quit gaming. From the perspective of the principle of force, it is easy to understand that the harm of the game is resistance, and the reason why a person moves forward is because the motivation is greater than the resistance. That is, his motivation to play is greater than the harm of the game that he knows. And the so-called game harm provided by the partner is not as good as the game harm that her husband knows, that is, this kind of resistance, which was there before, was ineffective before, and will not be effective now.
Not only is it ineffective, but it has a negative effect, which is the second point, which damages her husband's dignity and leads to a counterattack. The third point is to destroy the unity of the family. Fourth, it leads to a sense of sacrifice for game addicts.
So what should be done?Here are my recommendations.
1. Don't stop it, don't encourage it, give him enough freedom to make his own decisions.
2. Express enough concern. For example, find a way to let him sleep a little longer without being disturbed. Prepare fruit for him, game addicts usually overuse their eyes, fruits can supplement vitamin A and protect their eyes.
3. Remind him to take a break for 45 minutes, which will make his game state better. Go out for a walk with him.
4. Advise him to go to bed early and tell him that the same amount of time can make his game state better. Note that it is not for him to go to bed early in order not to play games, but to let him have a better game state and play more refreshed and go to bed early.
5. Encourage and praise his positive behaviors, such as work, interpersonal relationships, and contributions to the family.
6. To understand the knowledge of the game and understand why a person is addicted. Note that it's not about playing games with him, it's about understanding the game's addictive mechanics.
7. Discuss with him the harm of games to children's learning, and let him not let his children see him playing. Note that this is based on the premise of giving full freedom to the game.
8. If he has the will to quit playing, he will support and appreciate it and provide some help. This help refers to the knowledge of the quit game that I have learned before.
Remember, by belittling a person's actions, you will only make him further away from himself.
If you want to know more about quitting games, you can follow me, and search for Lao Ren on any platform to explain self-discipline.