Psychological defense war
Have you noticed a phenomenon?
A perfect person of the opposite sex, appears in front of you;
Even if you like him, you don't dare to take any action.
Because the first impression that the other person brings to you is:
You can only look at it from afar, and you can't blaspheme."
And in a perfect one, the opposite sex with some shortcomings makes you feel "more real".
You are willing to get along with him, and there is not so much emotional pressure to deal with him.
Why?There is a concept in psychology called the foolish effect.
Meaning: When you deal with people, it is easier to gain the favor of others by showing some of your small shortcomings moderately.
For example, people who are willing to reveal their bad past and wrong behavior are more likely to be forgiven and trusted
People who are capable, good-looking, but have a somewhat "middle two" personality are often more popular.
Why does the "Ugly Effect" make people like you?
1. Make a fool of yourself appropriately to make you more real
When the opposite sex gets along, people who always carry the burden of idols often give people a sense of indifference of "don't get close to the living".
When you meet this kind of person, your subconscious thoughts may be:
He doesn't seem to be easy to provoke, not easy to flirt, so forget it."
In the end, I watched from afar.
You will feel that everything that this person shows is perfect;
In the face of this perfection, you feel that he is not real, that he is not in the same world as you.
But if the other party exposes some small shortcomings, you will feel that he is "very down-to-earth".
2. Learn to make a fool of yourself and quickly get closer to the relationship
Here's an example: You work in your workplace.
The boss who took you for many years was transferred;
Then from another company, a boss came in the air.
You're going to be apprehensive:
What do you do next?I heard that the new boss is not very easy to get along with”
But when the boss came, he talked to everyone about playing games, talking about food, and where to eat at night......
Doesn't this kind of behavior make you feel more cordial?
3. Learning to make a fool of yourself is also "taking the initiative to show weakness".
Showing weakness in social:
It can prevent you from being envied and overly concerned.
If you're good, you're good;
Your presence robs the rest of the team of gains.
What awaits you will not be praise, but the jealousy and isolation of others.
If you learn to make a fool of yourself and take the initiative to expose some of your weaknesses;
Then you are in the eyes of others, and the "threat" is greatly reduced.
At this time, their attention will not be too much on you.
Even if you do, ask the people around you
It won't be long before you'll be able to build a more stable relationship with everyone.
Showing weakness in the relationship:
The more coquettish, the softer, the more appreciative and praised;
The smoother the relationship is for such a person.
Show weakness, show your vulnerable side;
These can awaken the other party's pity for you faster.
Whoever can take the initiative to show weakness will be better able to manage the relationship.
4. You will also be more accepting of yourself
People have different psychological needs at different stages.
When I was young, I did a little thing, and as long as I succeeded, I wanted everyone to know.
Think of yourself as the best, the best.
After the change in mentality:
Be more able to recognize yourself and find your own position.
They don't hide their shortcomings, but they reveal them naturally
It will not be disguised as a "perfect idol baggage", but will return to the most relaxed state.
The Ugly Effect can bring you is to make you "more confident";
Accept your shortcomings and weaknesses first, and then you will love yourself more.
The author is also happy, the creator of emotional psychology, your emotional psychological counselor.Follow me, you can read more articles on gender emotion, marriage and family, and social psychology every day