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When your child tells you, "I don't want to go to school, I don't want to study anymore," it is difficult for many parents to remain calm.
Either the storm is like thunder, "family law waits";
Either start nagging: "I worked hard to make money for you to study, and now you say you don't want to study, and that's how you repay me", or "You don't study hard now, what can you do when you grow up, pick up garbage?".”
Parents' emotions are understandable, who doesn't want to listen to this?However, these practices basically do not solve the problem, but will make the child rebel, or simply lie flat.
What you need to do at this time is to calm down and understand what the child really wants to express behind "I don't want to learn".
In general, when a child says, "I don't want to learn", he is actually expressing these three meanings:
The first meaning is, "I'm tired"!
Now, "volume" seems to have become synonymous with learning.
Children's learning pressure is increasing, not only from the school's test-taking education, but also from the parents' ardent expectations, and there is also competition and comparison between classmates.
If your child is a little older, they will also face social problems at school.
So when your child tells you that he doesn't want to learn anymore, it's likely that what he really wants to say is: I'm so tired.
Yan Ziyou in the hit drama "Little Shede" was originally a lively and lovely child, in order to be admitted to a prestigious school, under the arrangement of his mother Tian Yulan, he ran non-stop to various cram schools every day, and finally became overwhelmed and suffered from depression, publicly accusing his mother of only loving him in the first place, and he never wanted to study anymore.
From a brain science perspective, normal study stress stimulates the brain to produce neurotransmitters called endorphins, which can make us forget about time, be quiet, and focus heavily on the present moment.
But when the water is full, it overflows, and when the moon is full, it loses. We've all blown balloons, and under a certain amount of pressure, the balloons get bigger and bigger. But if pressure is constantly applied to the balloon, the balloon will burst.
It's the same with people, under constant stress, the brain will also go down. Therefore, the child's brain also needs a certain amount of rest, otherwise it is easy to have problems.
In the short term, learning efficiency becomes low;Long-term conditions can affect a person's physical and mental development.
So, when a child says to you, "I don't want to learn anymore,"The best way for parents to respond is to hug their child, sit down and talk to him, and listen to his child's real thoughts and needs.
If your child has been stressed too much recently and feels physically and mentally exhausted, you may wish to take your child out for a good meal, or accompany your child to do his favorite sports, etc., to help your child reduce stress in a way that your child is willing to accept.
In the second case, maybe the child is asking for your help
The great inventor Thomas Edison had more than 1,000 inventions in his lifetime. His invention not only changed people's lifestyles, but also had a profound impact on the development of modern industry and technology.
is such a fruitful person, when he was young, because he didn't like the school's education model, he often skipped class, and was considered a bad student by his teacher. So he often said, "I don't want to study anymore!".”
Edison's mother, seeing his passion and talent for invention and understanding his boredom with traditional ways of education, encouraged him to explore his field of interest and created a laboratory for him at home, providing him with the materials and equipment he needed for his experiments.
With his mother's understanding and support, Edison eventually became a great inventor.
Edison's mother's approach is worth learning from all of us parents. When she heard the phrase "I don't want to learn", Edison's mother did not burst into a rage, but saw the problem wisely, knowing that Edison did not really want to learn, but just did not fit into the education model.
Of course, even today, Edison's mother's approach requires a lot of courage. But Edison's mother's unwavering belief in and support for her child's developmental choices gives us a good lesson.
Therefore, when facing children and saying "I don't want to study anymore", parents should not immediately open their mouths and ask, "I have paid so much for you, why can't you study hard?".”
This sentence not only hurts the child's heart, but also easily misunderstands the child: my parents can't be relied on, and they won't help me.
Raising children and working for them is our duty as parents, and it is also our own choice. Therefore, we are willing to pay for our children, and we do not need to reciprocate.
When parents can realize this, they will deal with such problems rationally from an objective point of view. When a child says that, it's not that he doesn't really want to learn, it's just that he has encountered difficulties in learning for the time being, and he wants to get help from adults.
At this point, you may want to ask your child: Is there anything wrong?What can I do for you?
At the same time, tell the child: you have done a good job, don't rush, take your time. I'll accompany you, let's try another way.
At this time, don't criticize and scold, isn't the growth of children a process of continuous trial and error?
Therefore, you must remember to tell your child with a gentle and determined response: it is not terrible to encounter difficulties, this road is not passable, we can try another way, there will always be a solution.
The third situation: maybe the child has been working hard for a long time, but he can't see the results
There is a famous lotus effect in psychology. The lotus flowers do not bloom all at once, but in multiples, until the 30th day, when the entire pond is filled. In other words, on the 29th day, all you see is a lotus flower in half a pond.
Children's efforts in learning are very similar to the lotus effect, and the reserve of knowledge is originally a process of accumulation. The results in the early stage of the effort may not improve immediately, like the opening of the lotus flower is the critical point on the 29th, and the quantitative change will cause a qualitative change to a certain extent.
In the movie "Hot Girls at the Bottom", Sayaka Kudo, a female high school student with the lowest grades, begins to study hard with the encouragement of Mr. Tsuboda. However, due to too many debts in the early stage, her grades could not be improved, and she was very frustrated and even wanted to give up.
Instead of blaming her, Sayaka's mother took her to a park she used to go to as a child, where there was a big Ferris wheel.
Mother told Sayaka that life is like this Ferris wheel, there are ups and downs, but as long as we keep working hard, we will definitely reach the highest point.
With the encouragement of her mother, Sayaka was finally admitted to Keio University, a well-known university in Japan, and realized her dream.
When a child says I don't want to learn anymore, probably the subtext is:I've worked hard for so long, but I can't see the results, and I'm so discouraged......
At this time, if parents know how to support them in a timely manner, they can help their children "survive" that critical point, instead of choosing to give up.
Often the closer you are to victory, the more important and the most important is the time to persevere.
Don't wait until the child is older, like Liu Xing in "Family with Children", complaining about why your parents didn't push yourself in the first place?Stick to it when it's time to do it, and don't let your child give up easily.
Write at the end
Children's learning is the top priority in the hearts of parents. But compared with grades, educating children well is our lifelong practice as parents.
I don't want to learn anymore" is just a façade. Through these appearances, we can see the true needs of the child's heart and face them with the child. Parents are the most solid support for their children at all times.
Unconditional love and support are the best impetus for children.