In autumn and winter, the trees are dyed in their seasonal colors. I have also been out for nearly 10 days, experienced the spring season of Shenzhen in December, and also felt the vitality of Chengdu in December, but only missing some of the warmth of family affection, less of the feeling of being a father, this feeling is also the first night I felt after returning from a business trip, it is precisely this feeling that makes me feel that I am a cruel father.
Before today, that is, before my child was 5 years old, he always pestered me to read a storybook until he was exhausted before going to bed every night, no matter how many books, he always wanted to hear the sound of me reading a storybook until he fell asleep, and then fell asleep with a deep breath. However, this time he changed, and on the first night I came back from a business trip of nearly 10 days, when I finished reading the second story, he reached out and covered my mouth, and said, "Daddy, I'm going to sleep." ”
Instead of pretending to be strong and taking out the third storybook to continue reading, I tried to fall asleep with the child's deep sleep, but I tried for nearly 1 hour and still couldn't fall asleep.
First of all, because of the conditions of my parents and my wife's parents, they have no way to spare time to help us take care of the children, and they have no obligation to take care of the grandchildren, regardless of ethical feelings. If we have to let them take care of our children "without hesitation" according to the current mainstream secular concept, I can't bear it. The first is that parents have to give up the life circle they have cultivated for decades, and then enter our so-called "circle", which is actually unfair to the parents;Then there is that the current values that children want to pursue are not necessarily consistent with the concepts of their parents, which is also irresponsible for the development of children's values. And I am a transitional person of the values of the two generations before and after, and I should fulfill the role of connecting the previous and the next, but I am derelict in my duties for various reasons, and I am cruel.
Secondly, just tonight, the first day I came back from a business trip, around 10:50 p.m., when I finished reading the second story, the child said to me, "Dad, I'm sleepy, I want to sleep by your hand." "I broke the defense, and this feeling is very deep. Because my wife and I worked, we sent our children to the early education center from the age of one and a half years, and we sent them to the center at 8 a.m. every day and picked them up at 6 p.m. for about three years. During this time, the child behaved very well, never cried, and went to the early education center very cooperatively every day, and then happily waited for his parents to pick him up. Even when my child was just in kindergarten, he said to me, "Dad, you don't have to send me to school, I can go alone", I still take it for granted that my child is still young, and he always loves innocent jokes. But when he said it tonight, and it came from a kid under the age of five, I was completely devastated.
Perhaps there are few children around him who wake up from sleep every day, and their parents are not around, at least their mothers are by their side;And because my wife leaves early for work every day, I usually send him to school, when I go on a business trip for dozens of days in a row, and every day when I wake up with relatives to send him to kindergarten, he may feel that something is missing, or feel something, and these are all gathered into a sentence in my heart: "I am a cruel father".