Introduction: Parents are the people closest to us, and their dedication and love for us are unmatched by anyone. However, in some families, parents treat their children in a "debt collection" way, leaving them feeling unable to repay the debt. In this case, the children do not dare to treat themselves well, or even to see a doctor for treatment. This phenomenon is not uncommon in Chinese society and is known as "Chinese parenting".
A parent's love and dedication to their children should be free, but in some families, giving is seen as a debt. Parents will remind their children of their efforts in a variety of ways and ask them to "pay it back" in some form. For example, when a high school student comes home from vacation, his parents call ** in advance to ask him what dish he wants to eat, but at the dinner table, he is asked to improve by 10 places in the exam. This kind of debt collection makes students feel stressed and powerless, and they cannot truly enjoy the love and support of their parents.
Expansion: Parents treat their children in a debt collection manner because they seek rewards and recognition. They hope that by emphasizing their efforts, their children will be aware of their hard work and sacrifices. However, this excessive pursuit of rewards often leads to a growing distance from children. Parents pay too much attention to returns, making giving cold and stiff, and it is difficult to touch true love. For their children, they will be worried and scared, and they will always remember how they will repay their parents in the future. The relationship, like that between a creditor and a debtor, is fraught with stress and anxiety.
There may be two reasons behind why parents become "creditors". First of all, parents see themselves as people who have worked hard to raise their children, and they expect to be rewarded for their efforts. However, this notion commercializes the relationship between parents and children, and all help and support is labeled "**Children can't help but feel stressed and afraid of not meeting their parents' expectations." These parents ignore the importance of building a genuine and good relationship with their children, and overemphasizing reciprocal returns will only widen the distance between the family.
The second reason is that some parents are obsessed with traditional feudal thinking, believing that raising offspring is for their own "anti-aging". This selfish perception makes parents lack trust in their children and become wary. It is difficult for children to feel true love in such a family environment, because even the help of parents comes with demands for blame and demand. This kind of relationship of interest should not exist in the family, because without sincere communication, it is impossible to experience true affection.
Expanding: This kind of "creditor-style" parental behavior is not uncommon in Chinese society. The previous generation was deeply influenced by feudal ideology, and they tried to bind their children through filial piety, but it often backfired. In such a family, the relationship between the family members is tense and distant. There are many people who prefer to turn to friends rather than parents when they are struggling. This is not because they are cold-blooded and outward-looking, but because in the past family environment, they experienced the endless meaning of the so-called "human affection". "Borrowers" often discourage their children from paying off their debts for fear of being caught up in endless debt payments.
The grace of parenting is great and selfless, and parents' dedication to their children should come from the heart rather than hoping for something in return. Parents' debt collection not only makes their children feel heavy pressure, but also leads to alienation and disharmony in family relationships. In such a family environment, children will feel that they are burdened with huge debts and have lost confidence and courage in the future. Parents should reflect on their own behaviour and replace debt collection and oppression with understanding and support. Only by establishing a sincere and equal family relationship can every member of the family feel truly happy and cared for.