1. I remember when I was just loaded on the landline, I was doing distribution in the warehouse, and I received a ** from the boss and asked me to send it somewhere.
I'm distributing the goods, less than ten minutes, the boss called ** to urge, okay, no ......
I can only answer that it's almost there.
When I was about to leave, the boss came to urge me again and said directly, I was on the way.
Then on average, every five minutes, I said it was on the way.
Two hours later, my boss asked me where I was.
I'll reply, in order not to miss your **, I've been staying in front of the landline.
Later, I was fired from .........
2. Today, a female colleague in the company submitted her resignation, and the manager asked her why she resigned
The female colleague roared: The old lady has been in this company for 4 years!
None of them chased me!
3. The toilet in the shared house is shared, and once I forgot to close the door when I went to the toilet, and the handsome guy who shared the house next door pushed the door and entered the toilet.
After a short silence, this handsome guy said to me: Girl, shouldn't you scream?
4. I saw a colleague and her five-year-old daughter on the street.
Although it was the first time I had seen the lovely little girl, she said that she wanted me to take her to the playground.
I teased her: "Aren't you afraid that I will sell you?".”
The little girl said, "My mother said that she has a particularly ugly colleague who is the kindest, so it must be you." ”
I... 5. My girlfriend has been spoiled by her family since she was a child, which leads to a lot of bad habits ......
For example, he has a stubborn and paranoid personality, and often says: I don't have the word compromise in my dictionary, and I don't have the word submission in my dictionary.
One day, my girlfriend argued with me, she knew that she was wrong, but she still had a hard mouth: I don't have the word apology in the dictionary!
I looked straight at her: "Baby, have you ever thought about changing the original dictionary?".
6. "Captain, the autopsy report is out, I know who ** is." ”
I saw the captain holding his head in his hands and yelling uncomfortably, "I don't want to listen, I don't want to listen, spoilers will kill the whole family." ”
7. I had a small cold, and my roommate accompanied me to the doctor, and the doctor briefly diagnosed my condition and asked me how much money I brought.
I reacted immediately and said I only brought ten dollars.
The second goods immediately patted their chests and said, don't be afraid, I just took five hundred.
I gave him a vicious look, and he thought I didn't believe it, so he threw five hundred on the doctor's table on the spot.
In the end, a cold cost two hundred.
Doctor, you can't drug money like that...
8. At the class reunion, everyone talked about the topic of **, some students said that they were cheated of money when shopping online, and some students said that they were almost cheated out of all their deposits by a fraud**.
At this time, Lao Li, who was the worst among his classmates, spoke: "In my life, I was only deceived by one sentence, and the result is what I am today." ”
The students hurriedly asked, "What words?"”
Lao Li gritted his teeth and said: "Housing prices will fall." ”
9. I have always had a dream, I hope to find a wife with white spots, because I am black, I don't want the child to be as black as me in the future, and I also hope to find a taller girl, because I am short, I don't want the child to be as short as me in the future, I hope to find a beautiful one, because I am ugly, I don't want the child to be as ugly as me, stick to my dream, and I will be favored by God, I really found a white, tall and beautiful wife, and the best thing is that the child is really not like me at all.
10. "Cousin, you must invite you to eat well once you come once, that boss, do you have abalone or lobster?"”
Boss: "Yes." ”
, you actually sell this for a snack in Kaisha County?
Let's go, cousin, this shop is not regular, let's go to another store. ”
Random look at the joke:
11. The female colleague's battery car broke down, take her home: Brother, will you hitchhike to work tomorrow morning?
Brother: As long as you bring it with the wind, is there no problem?
The next day, the female colleague came to the unit panting: Nima, say take me today.
Why didn't you run away without making a sound?
Brother: Girl, can I be blamed for this?
Female colleague: Why don't you blame you, just don't agree, since you agreed, why didn't you take me today?
Brother: The key is that the wind is not good today!
Female colleague: Did you take a different route?
Brother shook his head: It's not that the route is different, sister, you look at the wind direction, today's northwest wind, not a tailwind!
Female colleague: Get out of ......
12. Wife: Husband, when you chased me, you were so poor, and my whole family was against it, but I firmly believe that you really love me, and I married you despite the opposition of my family!
You also vowed to let me live a good life, but after so many years, what has changed?
Me: Why hasn't it changed?
It's not what it used to be!
Wife: It's not what it used to be
What's changed?Me: I was embarrassed, but now I'm shameless!
13. I was hungry at noon, so I went downstairs to eat Lanzhou ramen for 6 yuan.
I was eating when I felt a pair of eyes staring at me in a corner, and I looked up sharply and it turned out to be the proprietress .
The proprietress walked up to me and said quietly, "Little brother, I'll settle accounts with you."”
Me: "Huh?".”
The proprietress said: "The cost of my bowl of noodles plus labor costs is 3 yuan 5, you eat chili peppers and eat me 2 yuan 5, I calculated it, not only did I not earn a penny from you, but also pasted a pair of disposable chopsticks money!."”
I... 14. Xiaojun and the leader went on a business trip, passed by a melon field, decided to buy a watermelon, approached the roadside melon shed, saw that there was no one inside, Xiaojun was about to pick melons, the leader stopped him, returned to the car, took 20 yuan and pen and paper, and wrote: Fellow, passers-by are thirsty, eat a melon from you, leave you 20 yuan, very embarrassed.
Then the money and the note were left on the mat.
Xiaojun felt very ashamed when he saw the leader doing this, and the two of them went to pick melons, and after eating in the shed, the people who watched the melon shed did not come back.
The leader picked up the note and money and stuffed it into his pocket, and left with Xiao Zhang's military vehicle.
We must firmly believe that leaders have outstanding ......
15, a handsome guy who practices sanda in the love class, I don't understand how to hint at it.
One day, I mustered up the courage to put "At xx o'clock in the evening of the xxth month, under the third tree in the playground, I will not see you." ”
The note was sandwiched in his textbook.
I was shy and didn't sign it.
That day, I was waiting under the tree.
The handsome guy came, with a group of figures behind him.
The moonlight was bright, and the handsome guy saw the figure under the tree and shouted: "Who gave me a challenge book?!."”
16. The most embarrassing thing for me is that one day my stomach hurts very much, and then the person I like is playing with me** and then I really can't help but fart And then the funny thing is to ask me if I have a serial fart.
17. This morning, the boss called ** to me, and as soon as he opened his mouth, he roared: "Where are you?"
I was supposed to go to work at 8 o'clock, but it's half past eight!”
Don't worry, I'm sitting in my office.
Less TM loading!”
Another thunderous roar, "I'm standing in your office!".”
So I said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you I have a new job." ”
18. Male: Marry me!
I love you!I can't live without you!
F: No, my mom will be upset, she says you're too unproductive.
M: Oh, if you don't say yes, I'll die in front of you!
As he spoke, he picked up his pistol.
F: Wait a minute, I'll ask Mom.
M: Hehe, I knew it worked.
F: My mom said I was an adult and could watch this kind of bloody scene.
M: ......19. Where do men look at girls at first glance I asked my friend: "Do you men look at the breasts or legs first when you look at girls?"”
He looked at me and said, "I usually look at my eyes first. ”
I immediately thought he was a man of depth, and then I heard him slowly pick up again: "If she doesn't notice I'm looking at her, go ahead and look at her breasts."
20, the buddy cried and asked the reason, saying that his parents were firmly against him being with his girlfriend.
Me: What a beautiful and virtuous girl!
Why don't your parents agree?
Dude: They say my girlfriend isn't a big deal!
Me: What does a woman look like in Wangfu?
Dude: My dad said that like my mom, she looks disgusting at home, so she would rather work overtime at work, and her career will slowly get better and better!
21. The French brother was learning Chinese with me recently, and one day when I was chatting with him, I sent a sentence, 23333, and he asked me what I meant.
I just mean to praise you for being super funny.
I met with him with my Chinese friend tonight, and after my friend finished speaking, he spoke clearly and standardly: "Hehe, twenty-three thousand three hundred and thirty-three." ”
The audience was as silent as death.
22, the bus is crowded with people, crowded with people, and a girl yells: What rub?
Dacheng resolutely retorted: You can insult my personality, but you can't insult my taste!
23. The patient said, "Doctor, the later I have become, the more energetic I have become, like a night owl;He often eats non-stop, like a hungry wolf;When he walks, he is suspicious and always looks back to see if anyone is following, like a fox.
What disease do you say I have, can I be cured?”
The doctor said, "You better go to the veterinarian." ”
24, asked: "Who is better Hulu baby or Ultraman?"”
Answer: "I think Nezha is still powerful." ”
25. One day, the teacher scolded the students in the class: "You are too stupid, your IQ is negative, my IQ is a hundred times that of yours!."”
Student: "....26, WeChat shake and found a woman, I was very happy, plus I saw that it was not far from me, it was displayed within 50 meters, I happily sent a message, why didn't the beauty sleep so late.
The man replied, pouring a glass of water.
I immediately wondered, and I was about to ask what you were doing.
I only heard a sentence from my mother's room, my son poured me a glass of water.
I was immediately confused, asking for psychological shadow area.
27. As soon as I came out of the station, there were a lot of taxis at the door, and I saw a girl pulling a suitcase.
I walked straight to the back of a taxi, apparently trying to open the trunk.
The driver said just put a box in front of him, and saw the girl pull the box and go to lift the hood.
28, one or two goods in our village, there is a big scar on the face, I asked how to get it.
He said that he would ride a motorcycle home at night during the New Year, and the car would not leave halfwayI shook the motorcycle, and it seemed to run out of gas.
So he took out his lighter, lit it, and went to the tank to look at it.
Thanks to the fact that there is really no gas, otherwise my life would be gone.
29. In front of the school, a parent took advantage of the stall owner's busyness to secretly stuff a bottle of milk tea to his son behind him, and was about to leave after paying for another bottle of milk tea, when the son behind him shouted: Two bottles, I have one bottle here!
The stall owner frowned and quickly smiled: Your mother has a prize on this bottle cap, and that bottle is a prize!
After the child entered the school, the parents blushed and wanted to make up the money, and the stall owner waved his hand to her and said: The ticket is a small matter, and the child is a big ......
30, my best friend gave birth to a baby two months ago, I haven't been going, I went to see it yesterday, after going in, my best friend is feeding the child, eating on the left, and after a while I ate the right side, I just ate a bite and cried, crying that is called a miserable, my best friend called his husband and said, what did you eat before, my best friend whispered that pickled pepper phoenix claws After finishing speaking, let my best friend beat Ah !!
Recently, there have been a number of hilarious jokes circulating on the Internet, which contain witty and clever puns and unexpected endings, which make people laugh and have endless aftertastes.
One of the short jokes is about a young boy who goes to the mall with his mother and meets a flower vendor. The little boy was attracted by a beautiful bouquet of flowers and wanted to buy it for his mother. However, he only had five dollars, and the bouquet of flowers cost ten dollars. The boy was a little disappointed, and the vendor suggested that he add three more dollars to get another bouquet of equally beautiful flowers. The little boy happily agreed, and then ran to his mother with a bouquet. Mom was very happy when she saw the bouquet, but when she opened it, she found that there was only one flower inside. The mother asked the little boy suspiciously, "What about the other flowers?"The little boy smiled and replied, "The other flowers are in another bouquet!"”
The humor of the joke lies in the little boy's wit and unexpected answers. He solves problems in a clever way, and people laugh at the realization that sometimes it is more fun to solve problems with wit and creativity than to act directly.
The popularity of these connotative jokes and hilarious short stories also reflects people's appreciation for wit and creativity. In real life, we often encounter various challenges and difficulties, and resourcefulness and creativity can help us resolve embarrassments and solve problems. These short jokes, with their humorous expressions, let us understand the wisdom of life and the philosophy of life in laughter.
In short, these connotative jokes and hilarious short stories have become the focus of people's attention, they not only bring us laughter, but also let us understand the wisdom of life and the philosophy of life. Let's face the challenges and difficulties in life with humor and create a better future with wisdom!And remember to share these jokes with friends and family so that more people can feel the charm of humor!