In today's society, it has become a norm to look at other people's faces, which is not only a need for survival, but also a need for growth. When we were young, at home, we looked at the faces of our parents and acted in order to get praise or rewards from our parentsWhen we grow up in school, we look at the teacher's face and act in order to get the teacher's praise and recognition, and we do what the teacher likes about the students, and we do what the teacher asks;After graduating from college and joining the work, I often look at the leader's face and act, in order to get the leader's favor and the opportunity for job promotion, so I am careful every time I do things, for fear that there will be a problem in which link, and even the leader's every move, word and deed will bring a lot of fluctuations to our sensitive nerves;Because we look at other people's faces, we live a very tired and troubled life, let alone happiness.
The reason for this is because of our need for self-esteem. According to Maslow's theory of needs, respect needs are one of the highest levels of needs, and respect needs include the satisfaction of personal needs such as achievement, fame, status, and promotion opportunities. This kind of need can make people have confidence in their own ability and value, can live happier and more comfortable, will also be more creative, through the pursuit of their own achievements and fame, people can realize their self-worth and potential, and can continue to improve themselves, this is the reasonable needs of people with ideals and beliefs.
Psychological research at Harvard University shows that there are three types of self-esteem: dependent self-esteem, independent self-esteem, and absolute self-esteem.
Dependent self-esteem: like to listen to other people's praise, from the choice of evaluation and promotion, to the recognition and reward of others, all need to be recognized and praised by others;Whether in career or life, they are willing to compare with others, compared with honor, money, status, etc.;Their self-esteem is earned by the praise and affirmation of others.
Independent self-esteem: only listen to your own inner voice, do not care about other people's opinions, only compare with your own past, how much progress you have made, how much improvement, how much potential, how much role you can play can self-evaluation, you rely on yourself and do not need to rely on the evaluation of others, and never gain self-esteem through comparison with others.
Absolute self-esteem: It is the highest stage of self-esteem, which has reached the "self-actualization stage", which emphasizes being understood rather than recognized, and does not blindly prove oneself. It doesn't care about others or self-evaluation, nor does it compare with others, it doesn't need to evaluate itself and doesn't need others to evaluate it to gain self-esteem.
The above three types of self-esteem are interrelated and mutually reinforcing progressive relationships, and they cannot exist across existence or exist independently. In our lives, most of us rely on dependent self-esteem to gain confidence and enter independent self-esteem, and then develop absolute self-esteem. For example, children can only act by looking at the faces of their parents, and can get praise and rewards from their parentsOnly by looking at the teacher's face can students get good grades, good rankings and various honors;Employees can only get job promotion and paid leave if they look at the face of the leaderThese are all obtained by external evaluation, and it is these achievements and honors that strengthen our self-confidence and self-esteem, and then form self-esteem. But the happiness that this self-esteem brings to people is temporary rather than permanent, and long-term self-esteem needs to move beyond dependent self-esteem to independent self-esteem and absolute self-esteem.