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Text: Ziqiao Qian Feijun
The ancients said: "Great wisdom is foolishness, great ingenuity is clumsy." ”
In life, everyone likes smart people, but really smart people are not always sharp, but know how to pretend to be confused appropriately to the people they care about.
Treat your parents to be confused, the elderly are old, don't care, be tolerant;Treat your partner confused, don't worry about small things, and only big things can support each other;Treat children to be confused, birds do not leave the nest and cannot fly, children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren. In this way, the family can be happy.
"Pretending to be confused" to parents is filial piety
Sanmao said: "Parents are already relatively old, and it is always difficult to change the concept of an adult, and the generation of teenagers is still very malleable. ”
In life, we always tend to change our parents' outdated Xi and old concepts, calculate with our parents, and even shout at them, even if the cause is just some trivial things.
With the progress of the times, new things are coming one after another, elderly parents are difficult to keep up with the pace, they do not know how to operate electronic products, will not use new household appliances, we teach them may not learn, teach again may soon forget again, but they will still work hard to learn Xi, then we need to be patient, a little more patient......If we don't rush it, they won't panic.
Once upon a time, we desperately wanted to grow up, desperately trying to prove to our parents that we were independent, but now our parents are afraid that one day we will no longer be needed.
Parents also need a "sense of security", parents don't want to do something for their children, even if they are old, in their eyes, children will always need their help.
Therefore, when getting along with our parents, we might as well pretend to be "confused", and we might as well reveal something that needs them to accomplish, so that they can feel needed, which is not a kind of "filial piety".
"Pretending to be confused" to a partner, yes and
Dale Carnegie said in The Weakness of Human Nature, "There is no winner in an argument." "If a husband and wife quarrel with each other, if they win the reason, they will lose the relationship.
Home is a haven from the wind and rain, not a-for-tat gladiatorial arena. Sometimes, the willingness to pretend to be confused is not because of who is really wrong, but because of love.
Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu have been married for decades and have a happy marriage, in fact, the personalities of the two are also very different, one is gentle and low-key, calm and general;A stubborn personality like a child, with poor self-care skills.
During Yang Jiang's confinement, Qian Zhongshu wanted to be independent and let Yang Jiang worry less, but the result was either overturning the inkwell and staining the landlord's tablecloth, or smashing the lamp and breaking the door shaft.
"Corresponding with one voice, knowing each other with one heart. "Pretending to be confused is not to swallow your anger without a bottom line, nor is it to self-sacrifice with compromise, but to know how to empathize and learn to compare your heart with your heart.
Marriage is not only about appreciation, but more about acceptance, but it must not be picky and changeable. If you want to stay together, you need to be accepting and tolerant. "Pretending to be confused" is a kind of energy, but also wisdom, which seems to lower the posture, but in fact it is thoughtful.
Between husband and wife, there is no need to be a baht, and tolerance to the partner can make life comfortable for a long time.
"Pretending to be confused" with children is love
The ancients said: "The love of parents is far-reaching." "As parents, we always hope to carry all the wind and rain in the world for our children, but we don't know that being overly all-encompassing and blindly asserting ideas will bring harm to our children.
I remember a story in a TV series, the protagonist Shihan has outstanding grades, but she has always lived in her mother's planning, when she decided to apply for the university of her choice, she was opposed by her mother, she broke down emotionally and chose to run away from home. In the face of her mother's accusations, she cried and shouted, "I just want to escape." ”
The mother thought that she had given all her love, but she did not expect to put shackles on the child.
In Unconditional Parenting, Alfie Cohen says, "The way a child learns to make the right decisions is by making decisions, not by following arrangements." "Visionary parents will never deprive their children of the right to choose in the name of love, they know how to withdraw in time and give their children room to grow.
The so-called pretending to be confused is not to leave the child alone and let it be indulged, but to learn to quit gracefully and make the child stronger. Only in this way can children spread their wings and soar in their own sky like eagles.
Bangu of the Eastern Han Dynasty once said: "People are divided into three classes, the superior people pretend to be confused, the middle people pretend to be real, and the inferior people pretend to be smart." "The true wise know how to overcome obstacles and be invincible;Hiding at home is sharp and clumsy.
Pretending to be confused is the secret of family happiness.
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