Many sisters often ask me, "Why did our marriage become like this?"I used to be a close lover, but now I seem to have become an enemy”
The best state in a relationship is to keep the original intention, but the reality always backfires, and love gradually disappears with the passage of time.
After entering marriage, the feelings between many people will turn from love to family affection, and the firewood, rice, oil, salt, and trivial things in life will replace love.
When some couples find that there is a problem in their relationship, they can remedy it in time and successfully save a marriage. However, some couples are free to ignore it.
Why do many people have bad marriages?We always think that the main culprit of marriage breakdown is cheating and betrayal, but I want to tell you that it is often the small things that destroy a marriage, such as communication. Let's talk about some misconceptions in communication.
If you still have feelings for each other, don't continue these behaviors in communication, otherwise the marriage is likely to be ruined.
1. Cold violence
I have read such a sentence, "The relationship that is not responded to is a desperate situation;."A cold and violent marriage is a disaster. ”
The manifestation of cold violence in marriage is that no matter what you do, the other person is indifferent and does not care. You can't quarrel with the other person if you want to, and he doesn't even bother to look at you.
So in the eyes of outsiders, you become an emotionally unstable, noisy villain, and he becomes a person instead"Good-natured and generous".Good guys.
When you encounter problems, you always use cold and violent ways to solve them, trying to escape or force the other party to compromise.
This is a status quo in many marriages today, where you are full of enthusiasm and want to talk to each other about something, but you don't get a response for a long time, and over time, there is only silence between you.
Although it seems to be harmonious on the surface and there is nothing wrong with it, this kind of mental torture can easily ruin you and ruin your marriage.
2. No empathy
For example, if you come home from a day of work, you are very tired, lying on the couch and trying to rest for a while, but he just asks, "When are you going to eat?"I'm going to starve. ”
How do you feel?Aren't you angry?I feel that he only cares about himself and can't see your hard work at all, as if he treats you as a tool. In such a situation, some people may quarrel, "You know how to eat, am I a nanny?".I'll cook for you in one day. ”
In the same situation, he changed his words, "Wife, what's wrong?".Isn't it uncomfortable?Do you want to go to the hospital?"Then you should have the opposite feeling, listening to his words of concern for you, I feel that marrying this man is really the right marriage, right?You don't even need to say anything, you just go cook or something.
If the other party can really consider you from your point of view and communicate with you in this way, you will definitely be able to listen. In the same way, if you can also put yourself in the other person's shoes, then there will not be so many problems between you.
3. Always communicate in a critical tone
There is an old Chinese saying that "beating is kissing, scolding is love". Many people apply this to their relationships, but to be honest, in fact, such behavior can easily accumulate negative emotions in the marriage and lead to problems in the marriage.
I still remember a couple I took over before, and because they always used a complaining and critical tone of communication, they had a crisis in their marriage.
Many times, the wife is obviously well-intentioned, but the words she says are very hurtful, and she belongs to the thankless type.
For example, when the weather suddenly cools down, others are so cold that they want to wrap themselves in quilts, but the man wears short sleeves and puts on a very thin coat at random, and the wife says, "Wear that way on such a cold day, how to drop, which little girl do you like?".When the time comes, get sick, don't expect me to take care of you. ”
As soon as the man heard this, he was naturally not happy, so he said, "I didn't ask you to take care of me, I don't care about wearing clothes, why are you so lenient?"Then the two of them quarreled. obviously cared about his body, but not only did he not please him, but he also quarreled for no reason, hurting his feelings.
This kind of situation is very common in their lives, and later the man really can't stand his wife's knife mouth, so he proposes to separate for a while and think about what to do with each other in the future. It was then that my wife realized the seriousness of the problem and approached me, hoping that I could save her marriage from breaking down.
Fortunately, with my help, my wife slowly changed the way she spoke, and the man tried to express his inner feelings, and the two reached a reconciliation and found a suitable mode of getting along with each other.
If you have similar behaviors in your marriage, then you should pay attention to it and don't regret it until there is no way to undo it, it will be really too late.