Not just the ex, if your relationship is on the verge of breaking up, the other person says to separate and calm downYou make this timetaCalm down, taMost of the ending is getting farther and farther away from you.
The logic in this is like this, the other party said to be separate and calm, that is to say, there is a problem between you, then the normal solution to the problem is for two people to sit down, drink tea, and chat, which is called communication to solve the problem.
But this person said that he wanted to be separated and quiet, that only means taTrying to escape the problem.
That avoidance is not a positive act, but a manifestation of the desire to avoid being harmed. In other words, at this stage, you are a source of harm to the other person, or your relationship is a source of harm. At this time, TA did not choose to rush directly, but chose to bypass.
It's like if you fall down in a pit while walking, and you don't want to fill the pit, but you want to get around it, then your heart rejects it.
But many of us feel at this time that the object says that we need to calm down, so we give him time to calm down, but what is the core at this time, the core is that the other party wants to escape you,taIt's not about buying time to digest itof the heart, but to buy time to escape from you.
It's a bit like when you go to a hotel for dinner, you have a friend who hasn't arrived yet, but the dishes are ready, and then you see that the food is tempting, and you say you have a bite to try, just one bite. When others don't care about your behavior, you're likely to finish the dish.
The reason is that if you let the other party calm down at this time, it is equivalent to pushing the other party farther and farther away.
The reason why many people choose to let each other separate and calm down at this time is not that you don't know how powerful, you are just expecting time to bring you changes, or expecting the outside world to change each other.
But this method doesn't work for the following reasons:
The odds of the outside world being able to change for you are very small, and you don't expect miracles to happen to you.
Things outside are beyond your controlIf the outside world, for example, the client's parents persuade him, or the friends persuade him/her to change his mind temporarily, but this is not a solution to the problem, but a delay in the problem.
The other party said that he was separated from you and calm, which means that he himself wants to leave youIt's also possible that they don't want to say it themselves, so they use these methods to force you to leave, so how can you expect the outside world to change their minds?
So how do you solve the situation where the other party says to be separated and calm?
If in the meantime, there is a way to let taTurn back on the conditions, you grasp well, let taCome back and solve the problem with you slowly;
You're sure you're taThe best person you can meet, then you can rest assured to let themGo calm down, you are also sure of taI can't do without you.
If ta's personality traits are indeed the kind that need to be calm and adjust your emotions, and if you judge clearly, you can also put itGo calm down.
In addition to the situations I mentioned, don't just let the other person calm down, if you calm down, this person is likely to be gone.
So many people here may have questions, that is, why after a breakup, you should let the other party calm down and not bother the other party?
The reason is also very simple, because before the breakup, the calm he said was just a means of escape, and you have not yet reached the point where the relationship breaks down. It is equivalent to being dissatisfied with the relationship and wanting to abandon the relationship, which is just a thought. But because of your many ties, lettaThere are still many worries that dare not leave easily.
But if the other party proposes to break up, it means that your relationship has broken downIt is equivalent to that the previous ties are useless, and if you go to tie up with others, the other party can rightly reject you.
It's similar to before you break up, the other party can still treat you gently, but as soon as the word "break up" is spoken, the relationship has changed in essence, and you can't use the previous means.
Emotion