Many sisters who have been betrayed have a puzzle: why do men not feel guilty about themselves after betraying their marriage, but feel sorry for their mistress?
I will share with you the story of a sister, Xiaoya is an only child who grew up spoiled by her parents. After getting married, she gave up her job and put all her energy into her family, being a hard-working wife and mother. However, not only did she not get the corresponding reward for her efforts, but she also suffered the blow of a man's cheating.
When she came to me, it was already the second time that a man had cheated on me. After she found out that the man was cheating for the first time, because the man's attitude of admitting his mistake was very sincere, he promised not to do it again, and the child was still young, so she chose to forgive for the sake of her family. But it didn't take long for him to cheat again, and it was still that woman.
Xiaoya questioned the man with evidence, but the man showed an embarrassed look, saying that he didn't want to give up this home, but on the other hand, he said that he was sorry for Xiao San.
Because after the last cheating was discovered, Xiao San broke up with him and said that he would leave the city and continue to live in a new city. He felt that it was not easy for a little girl, and he was worried that she would not be able to survive in other cities, so I asked him to give him some more time to deal with it.
Xiaoya was shocked after listening to what he said, obviously she was the one who was hurt the most, but why did it seem that the man and the mistress were wronged in the end?
In fact, this involves the "cognitive bias" in psychology, that is, in the eyes of a man, you are his wife, and it is right to pay for him, but the junior is different, the junior belongs to an outsider, but this outsider is actually very selfless to pay for him, without asking for anything in return, the man will feel that he owes her.
1. The third party will set up a character for himself and let the man dream
Those third parties who can fascinate men are very means, they will not talk about money and material things, and even emphasize to men, "I love you as a person, you have money or not, I don't care, as long as I can be with you, I don't want anything." She will flaunt her pure love character, which is fatal to the average middle-aged man.
You can think about a situation where in your marriage, no matter how hard he tries to earn money and contribute to the family, you feel that he is not doing enough, only looking at the children, and often ignoring his needs. At this time, a person happened to appear and said to him, "You have done a good job, you are very hard, I can understand very well, in the future, you don't have to work so hard in my place." ”
For a man who rarely gets recognition, it's like a person who hasn't eaten for several days, and suddenly someone prepares a table full of food for him, and he doesn't care if there is any problem with the food, he just wants to fill his stomach quickly.
2. Love and marriage are not the same for men.
I know that many people may retort: "We just fell in love and slowly entered into marriage, does it mean that he has no love for me?""I'm not saying that men don't love you, but I want to tell you the cruel truth that men look at marriage and love separately.
A man cheats on him, and you find out and beg for your forgiveness, maybe you think he is irrational and will behave like this. But in fact, he is very rational, why do you say that?Most men are very rational in their thinking, and when they look at things, they will weigh the pros and cons first.
In marriage, you, as a wife, pay for the family, take care of him and the children, and the ultimate beneficiary is yourself, and he also pays for the family, so he will offset your efforts with his, so even if he cheats, he will not feel guilty about you.
But the woman outside is different for him, he will feel that she has put in her time and energy, but has not received anything substantial in return, so he will feel guilty.
3. He is rationalizing his actions.
Truth be told, cheating on men is not uncommon in real life. Many men often use it after being discovered"Robber theory".Rationalize your behavior, blame you for his cheating, and label yourself as a victim.
It's because you have to quarrel with me over a little thing, and I can't stay at home for a long time, that's why I met her and something like this happened. ”
I just made some mistakes that men would make, and you were on the line all day long. ”
If you could be like her, would I cheat?”
It's clear that he is cheating, and he is the one who did something wrong, but he puts the blame on you. Why is that?It's because he doesn't want to admit that he did wrong, so that in the marriage later, he will be a head lower than you, and he can't accept such a situation, so he will strike first and push the problem on you.
As a result, many sisters really began to introspect and wonder if they were really not good enough. At this time, you are guided by the man and fall into the trap set by him.
If you really do this, then the man will not realize his mistake, and naturally he will not really return, and similar things will still happen. So what exactly should be done?Two pieces of advice to everyone:
The first is that you have to be independent. You have to let him know that you are not something he can knead at will, that you have chips in your hands, and that if he doesn't make changes, you can make him lose both his money and his money.
Second, you have to let him see the third person for what he really is. The third party is generally purposeful, but it is more likely to be hidden. If a man sees the true face of Xiao San, he will take the initiative to leave Xiao San.