Author: Pi Bulu.Ten years ago, my friend who was stupid with me has become a married person with a "kind" smile.*: One point of spiritual psychology.
id：yidianling0
Think about my parents, they were already playing with mud at my age.
And I, unmarried, still have the most important thing on my mind "what to eat tomorrow at noon".
I felt like I was still a kid, or rather, wasn't ready to be an adult.
I talked to my friend about not being able to put myself in the role of an adult.
Many unmarried people feel the same way.
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Today, let's talk about why we feel that we are "girls until we die".
Is not being able to be an adult a bad thing?
Prolonged youth
Get a "reprieve" from reality
I really don't know what it's like to be an "adult".
Actually, it's not just me and my friends, this phenomenon is widespread.
Nicole Lindner of the University of Virginia and Northsk found that:
After the age of 25, our subjective age will get younger and younger;What is motivating us to prolong our own adolescence?At the age of 30, about 70% of people feel younger than their actual age.
Looking around, almost everyone is telling us:
What should be done at any age.We are like spinning tops, mercilessly whipped by the "social clock".You have to compete. You have to keep moving forward.
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A lot of people feel this way:
Society is really in a hurry.
Once derailed, once stopped, it will be eliminated by society.
In the marriage market, 30 years old is at the bottom of the chain of contempt -So, we are trapped in anxiety for fear of being eliminated:It's too old". In the workplace, at the age of 35, he became a "defective product" that was eliminated
It's useless".
Suffering from gains and losses, self-doubt.
The roll does not move, and it lies flat.
Behind the prolongation of puberty, it is actually a person who wants to get a "probation" from real life.
In other words, we who are timed by society actively choose to press the pause button of the "social clock".
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In fact, this phenomenon is what developmental psychologist Erikson calls "psychosocial delay".
Many people choose to slow down the pace of their time and extend their personal time for self-exploration.
So as not to be led by the nose by the "social clock", to examine who you really are.
Some people are tired of living in a big factory in 996, quit naked at the age of 30, and work as a volunteer in a temple;They shatter the social clock and choose to live for themselves. Psychologist Granine has come to the following conclusions through research:Someone broke free from a marriage of chicken feathers, divorced at the age of 45, and studied hard to prepare for college;
Someone has been struggling with depression for 7 years, re-taking the college entrance examination at the age of 25, chasing his movie dream.
"If everybody knew what they could do.So how much better life will become!
Because our abilities are much greater than we feel. ”
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We don't have to
Hurry to "adulthood".
One study found that people with younger subjective age were more likely to imagine their future state.
For example, "I'm 65 years old, but I still think I'm 40 years old and I can still travel the world."
A younger subjective age allows us to be optimistic about our future.
The story of Grandma Moses has touched many people.
She was an ordinary peasant woman.
He only started to learn painting at the age of 75.
At the age of 80, she made her first solo exhibition in New York, causing a global sensation.
She lived to be 101 years old and left behind more than 1,600 works in the last 25 years of her artistic career.
She said
"For a truly aspiring person, every period of life is young and timely. ”We really don't have to rush to "adulthood".
This is a view of the future based on "delayed gratification".
It is a kind of autonomous control of time that "lives for yourself".
"Forever young" does not mean that we are rigid in a state of eternal immaturity.
Rather, it is to gain richer life experience, but not at the cost of depleting vitality.
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How to keep
Full of vitality?
Youth, in fact, is a state of mind-
In this state of mind, even if life is not satisfactory, it will not fall into despair all at once.
Hopefully, the following 3 tips will give you a lot of energy.
1. Treat life with a "playful" mentality
Many people think that it is a shame to go to play and rest.
Because they think that a positive person must keep improving, and to stop is to waste timeHowever, a growing body of research suggests that "play" is essential for the physical and mental health and well-being of adults.
A 2013 study found that "playful" adults were more likely to experience joy in life and had a more active lifestyle than less "playful" adults.A person who "can play" means that he has mastered the way to get along with the world pleasantly. Because "play" can make us forget about the distractions for a while, take a little breath, and find a space to recharge our tired hearts.
But in a busy modern society, how do you make time to play?
These 3 tips may allow you to embrace the interesting side of life.
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1) Find your gaming personality and do what makes you happy
Just like different people have different fingerprints, "playing" is actually an extremely personal and personal thing.
What you can do to be happy is completely different from person to person.
So, you need to know what type of games you like.
Dr. Stuart Brown, founder of the American Game Institute, has proposed 8 "game personalities" that may help you find the type of game that suits you.
1. Collectors
Likes to collect, such as collecting a certain bubble mart or stamps.
2. Competitors
Likes to play games with specific rules, such as football.
3. Creator or artist
Likes to find joy in creating, such as drawing or applying makeup.
4. Director
Enjoys planning events, such as theme parties.
5. Explorer
I like to explore new things, such as visiting shops.
6. Clown
I like to be "stupid", such as telling jokes to make people happy.
7. Kinesthetic
He likes to move his body like playing games, such as yoga or hip-hop dance for fun.
8. Storytellers
Likes to listen to stories or make up stories, such as watching movies or writing **.
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2) Play is a state of mind, don't think too much
There is a common misconception that you have to laugh when you play.
Playing, in fact, can also be a serious matter.
Like concentrating on creating something, cooking or knitting.
As long as you do something that is entirely of personal choice and you enjoy it, you are playing.
Because playing is not just an ongoing activity, but also a state of mind.
So, you can look at life with a "play" mentality.
For example, turning a task that you find difficult, or even a day's work, into a game.
Shift your mindset and you'll discover a more interesting side of life.
3) Throw away the rules and try something new every month
When we try something new, the brain creates new neural pathways that improve our cognitive abilities.
Doing something different can boost the release of serotonin, the happy molecule, in large quantities.
Just 20-30 minutes a day is enough to make your mood better and uplifted.
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2. Allow mistakes to come into life and experience the joy of surprises
The mistake itself comes with an accident, which can be a bad thing, but it can also be a good thing.
It's like going the wrong way, but you can also see unexpected scenery.
Don't be afraid to expose yourself to so-called "mistakes".
Make room for the unexpected and the unknown.
Click on an article that you are not interested in to take a look, scramble the algorithm, and get out of the information cocoon.
On "Not your favorite type," swipe right 10 times.
Increase the uncertainty of the choice.
Mistakes can be tragedy, but they can also be magic.
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3. Control your desires: Know what you really want
There is a scope of personal desires, one end of which is the desire for non-imitation, and the other end is the desire for imitation.
What is the desire to mimic?
For example, a friend made a fortune because he bought **, and you think that you will lose money if you don't buy it, so you follow in his footsteps and also buy **.
A less extreme desire to mimic may include wanting to go to a particular university because your friends want to go there too.
Desire can be influenced by different factors.
Some are mimicked, some are non-mimetic, and the key is to identify what forces are at work.
Perhaps your desires are primarily influenced by others, but you can still control it.
It doesn't matter if they are originally mimicry desires, because you can transform it into non-mimicry desires.
10 people have the same desire, but achieve it in 10 completely unique ways.
For example, you want to write an article to contribute.
Maybe it's because a friend wrote an article and got a manuscript fee.
But whoever influences it doesn't prevent you from giving a new belief.
In the beginning, you may just want to pay for the manuscript.
But in the process of writing, you will see the value of the article, then you will change the way you write the article.
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Write at the end
Dai Jinhua, a professor at Peking University, once said
Aging is not scary, the scary part is that you are still young, but you are already in the twilight. ”
No matter how bad the world is, may we always be full of vitality.