Hi, I am Tang Lu, who loves to read, and today I am sharing the 39th reading note, the theme is "How to be a companion for children", I hope it will help you.
In the book "Mindful Parenting: How to Get Along with Children Without Anxiety and Internal Friction", psychological counselors Xu Li and Mingchun believe that in the parent-child relationship, the best role of parents should be "companions", and the starting point of being children's companions is to perceive and help children achieve a better psychological state, rather than to control and discipline children.
The easiest way to do this is to give the child's rider and metacognitive abilities an object to imitate, to help the child see themselves as they are, and to give them positive feedback when the child's rider is the best.
For example, when he takes the initiative to learn Xi valuable subjects or skills, we can remind the child that now that you have done this, the feeling of fullness and relaxation in your heart is the moment when a rider (rational brain), white horse (emotional brain) and dark horse (instinctive brain) are one, that is, "pearl moment".
This is the one thing that parents can do for the greatest benefit of their children...The psychological state and language of parents are powerful and can change their children...When the child's state is bad, we don't want to control him and ask him anything, because in the control and requirements, it contains "your current state is not good, I don't accept you like this, I will accept you after you have to change", it forms an implicit attack, which will provoke the child's inner resistance.
If the child is in a slump, we can change "control and demand" to "blessing" to give the child's psychological state a flow direction while fully accepting the current stateFor example, the child says, "I can't take the initiative to learn and Xi." Parents can say, "It's okay, I can't do it when you're your age." But it's great to do it, and I'm sure you'll do it in the future, and you'll love the good feeling of being in a good mood when you do it. ”
If you try and practice slowly like this, you will find that the role Xi of the chaperone can make the communication between parents and children as smooth as possibleTherefore, to accompany your child effectively, you must start by sincerely exploring and improving his true psychological state.
I am Tang Lu who loves reading, today's reading notes are shared here, if you like it, please like, collect and follow Tang Lu reading. Thank you!See you next time.