Some parents concluded that raising a baby will go through three stages, the first stage is "why", the second stage is "why", and the third stage is "what do you know", I think this is very reasonable.
In childhood, children are full of curiosity, and children always pestering adults to ask why. In the fifth and sixth grades, children enter adolescence, and as their sense of autonomy becomes stronger, children begin to rebel against the authority of adults, and like to ask rhetorical questionsIn the second half of puberty, the child will enter the "high cold period", and whenever the adult asks or nagged more, he will say what do you know? So many parents of adolescent children are either angry or on the way to get angry. Don't believe me?You see——
Scene 1: Love beauty.
Sister Wang bought her daughter a pair of sweatpants, but her daughter disliked the "ugly color" and didn't wear them once. Later, Sister Wang took her daughter to buy clothes, but Sister Wang's daughter didn't like it, and Sister Wang, who was fancy to her daughter, could always find faults, either the color was not resistant to dirt or she felt that the style was not suitable for the student, and in the end, neither mother nor daughter was convinced. Not only that, but every morning my daughter will toss for a long time to wear clothes that she thinks looks good. The daughter who was never picky before, now picks clothes and hairstyles, and refuses to eat more for fear of gaining weight. Sister Wang thinks that it is not a good thing for her daughter to become beautiful, and the little girl will not be able to learn Xi if she spends her time on dressing up, it shouldn't be early love, right?
First of all, the love of beauty and the sense of aesthetics are innate. Babies and toddlers smile at good-looking people when they see them and like to be close to good-looking peopleAt the age of four or five, he would imitate the dress of the princess in the cartoon, and he would also steal high heels and secretly wear lipstick to paint his nails. But there is a phenomenon that is very strange, many parents will laugh at the stinky beauty of children, and think it is cute and funny, but when they see the stinky beauty of teenagers, there is a problem, and they feel that love to dress up will affect their learning Xi. So, is there a necessary connection between the love of beauty and the deterioration of Xi?Is there an inevitable connection Xi between being unkempt and not loving beauty?This is clearly untenable. In reality, when we praise other people's children, we always say: Look whose daughter is Xi good and beautiful!It is impossible to say: You see whose daughter is not good at learning and Xi.
Secondly, sometimes parents are not used to seeing their children's love of beauty, not that they feel that they love beauty badly, but that their children's aesthetics are different from their parents', so why do they have to let their children comply with their parents' aesthetic standards?Children are independent people with their own preferences and ideas, and each generation will have its own distinctive characteristics. Nowadays, children have many channels to obtain fashion and fashion information, and they have their own ideas and opinions in the pursuit of beauty. The younger generation has an instinctive sense of fashion and an instinctive rebellion against the style of their parents. Therefore, expecting children to dress up as their parents expect is not only unnecessary but also impossible. Thinking about the non-mainstream of the post-90s, parents at that time couldn't stop it at all.
Therefore, please give back the right to love beauty to your children, so that their love of beauty will develop naturally, and they will constantly adjust their aesthetics through trial and error in practice.
Scenario 2: Internet and games
During the summer vacation, when Ms. Li came home from work, her son was smiling and playing games with a tablet. The son restrained his smile as soon as he saw his mother, and then carefully explained: "Mom, I just started playing and didn't play all day. Ms. Li suppressed her anger and asked as calmly as possible, "Have you finished your homework today?"When the son replied, Ms. Li said, "After the homework is done, can't I read a book for a while?"Or practice a word?Don't think about your phone and tablet as soon as you're free. The son questioned with an unhappy face: "Why can you play with your mobile phone and tablet as soon as you are free?"Ms. Li replied: "I am an adult and you are a child, and your task is to learn Xi and play games to affect Xi." ”
The son was silent, but Ms. Li apparently failed to convince the child. Because Ms. Li found out that her son used to play games and would ask her for instructions, but later he simply stopped talking about it and played secretly. Ms. Li scolded and scolded, and beat and beaten, but her son looked like a dead pig who was not afraid of boiling water, and the relationship between mother and son once fell to the freezing point.
Nowadays, the Internet has become an integral part of daily life, and it is impossible for today's children to live in the Internet age since birth. Therefore, parents blindly block and oppose, and even complain and ask for the game to be taken off the shelves, but it still can't prevent their children from entering the world of the Internet and games. Most children play games online for several reasons:
1. In the eyes of parents, children's addiction to the Internet may be a false proposition. Many children play games online to the extent of forgetting to sleep and Xi, he just finishes his homework and plays for a while, and plays for a while during the holidays, and each time he plays for no more than 1 hour. But anxious parents feel that this is an addiction to the Internet.
2. Classmates are all playing the same game, if you don't play it, classmates can't interject in the chat, and there is no common topic, you will feel very outdated. Children also have their own face and social needs, so children have the need to play games.
3. The reason why online games are so attractive to children is because games can give children some emotional and psychological satisfaction. In the game, no matter how high or low the score is, as long as you clear the level, you can get the system's affirmation and reward, for example, the system will praise "You are amazing!".", which then gives you upgrades and bonus coins. If you fail to clear the level, the system will not criticize, it will comfort and encourage: "It's okay, do it again!.""In this mode, children's curiosity and sense of accomplishment are satisfied. And this kind of satisfaction is often rarely obtained, or even not obtained at all, in reality.
For example, when a child goes home and tells his parents that he scored 90 points in today's exam, the parents do not immediately praise him, but ask him, "How many people in your class scored more than 90 points?"The child said that there were more than 20 people with a score of 90 or more, and the parent's face instantly fell, and asked the child: "Why don't you take the test better?"Why can others score more than 90 or even 100 points, but you can only score 90 points, which is a breath away from more than 80 points? "If children are not appreciated and affirmed in reality for a long time, it is very easy to indulge in the game world.
So according to the above reasons, parents need to make adjustments:
First of all, cultivate children's good habits XiXi life and learning. Xi and assignments come first and need to be completed first;Your own skills and talents, such as painting, piano, swimming, etc., come second, and you should complete them when you have the spare time. After completing these, on the premise of ensuring health, the child is allowed to arrange his or her free time, which can surf the Internet, watch TV, and play games.
Secondly, meet the emotional needs of the child's heart. Children are eager to be recognized, affirmed, appreciated and encouraged, and if these needs can be met in reality, then their psychological and emotional deviations are not susceptible. Usually, the child's efforts and progress parents should see, encourage and appreciate him more, and a child who is satisfied with his heart is not easy to indulge in the virtual world.
Third, if the child wants to play games, instead of letting him hearsay nonsense**, it is better for parents to check and screen some high-quality and harmless games for the child's pastime. Sometimes it's better to be reactive than to be proactive.
The above two scenes, are they very familiar?I believe many parents have encountered it. When it comes to adolescent children, parents get angry a lot, far more than just these two scenes. But behind these parents' anger, there are actually only two fundamental reasons: one is that parents want to control, and children want to counter-control;Second, any changes and behaviors in the child's adolescence, parents always have to think of "affecting the Xi school". Many times, parents' worries about their children are often based on speculation about the bad outcomes that may occur in the future, and parents hope to control the situation and let their children grow up according to their own preset ideals, so conflicts arise.
But the child is an independent person, and as adolescence comes, the child wants to make his own decisions and wants the same power as adults, and this idea becomes stronger. Therefore, the best principle for parents to go through adolescence is: less control, more respect, learning Xi is important, but it is not the standard for judging the quality of things around children.