1. I once played greedily, skipped school and played until it was dark before I went home. When I got home, my mother didn't get angry and kept me food, and I felt a little guilty and ate some casually. My mother said: I haven't eaten for a day, can my body resist it?Me: Hmm. Then Dad came out with a feather duster.
2 I have a girlfriend who is super powerful, and if her husband dares to go home drunk, she dares to go up and open her head with a brick. My best friend has a dog, chubby and very cute, one day I came back from shopping with my best friend, and saw her dog chewing in the yard, my best friend yelled "what kind of garbage are you eating", the scared dog quickly spit out what he ate in his mouth, and opened his mouth hard, so that his best friend could see that it was finished, I was really drunk, and it was too powerful, the dog was so afraid of him, and it was not easy for her husband to live to this day!
3. A female classmate's computer malfunction called the after-sales service department: "Why is your computer like this, it's rotten to death, only a fool will buy your computer." The customer service replied: "Sorry for the inconvenience." Please don't criticize yourself like this, we will solve your problem as soon as possible!
4. My father-in-law likes to drink when he's fine, but he likes to run around when he drinks too much!I drank too much outside the day before yesterday, and when I came back, I had to take my mother-in-law to the market!The mother-in-law said that when he arrived at the place where aquatic products were sold at the market, people asked him what he boughtHe said to buy something invisible!What else do I think I can't see?The mother-in-law continued, you said that if you want to buy shrimp, you can buy shrimp, and you can buy things that cannot be seen.
When I was 5 years old, I made mistakes and was always beaten up by my kind mommy, and then asked me: Is it wrong?I was innocent at the time, and I always replied: I'm not wrong!As a result, the second round of banging....Just like that, I fell into the cycle of cups...Well, after many times, I understood, once, after Mommy finished playing, she asked again: Is it wrong?I immediately replied: Wrong!As a result, I didn't even expect to die....Mommy asked again: What's wrong?I didn't react, and the second round of banging started again!
6. The children in the neighborhood are all four or five years old, and they always like to play together in groups. Once, in order to amuse them, I said to them, "Don't call me Daddy, or my stomach will hurt..."As a result, they chased and called my father, and chased and called for several streets.
7 One day, a neurotic was brushing his teeth, and suddenly he noticed that there was also a person brushing his teeth in the mirror.
So he waved to the man in the mirror, and the man inside waved to him as well. He smiled at him, and the man inside smiled at him!He grimaces, and he grimaces. So he became angry and scolded: What do you keep learning from me!You're insane!
8I played a magic game with my four-year-old son, and I put an unshelled peanut in my mouth, and when he was not looking, I took it out of my mouth and said, "Look, it's here." My son looked at me curiously and amazed, and I said, "You want to try it?".And they gave him peanuts. Who knows, he took the unpeeled peanut and still put it in his mouth, and swallowed it in one gulp.
9. A doctor received a colleague at home: playing mahjong, three missing one!
The doctor said, "I'll be right away!".
The wife asked next to her: Is the situation serious?
The doctor said solemnly: It's serious, there are already three doctors there!
10 Lao Wang received a ** in the middle of the night, so he got up and put on his clothes and kissed his sleeping girlfriend: I have something to go to the company temporarily, and I am leaving. The girlfriend replied dimly: Huh?Oh!Be careful when driving, don't run a red light because you're in a hurry. Lao Wang was very moved, and went out with a "hmm". I feel warm when I pedal my bicycle on the road.
11 The mother asked her daughter:"Baby, what if you get lost alone and can't find your way home?"
The daughter scratched her head and said, "I have a way, but I saw him take a stick, poke it on the ground, and then shout: "Land land, you come out for me!".
On the first day of the 12th Lunar New Year, I was walking on a wide road and passed by a girl. Three seconds later, the girl yelled at me, "You thief, stop me!".I looked at her inexplicably and asked, "Who is the thief?"What did I steal from you?The girl said shyly, "You stole my heart!""And then she became my girlfriend.