If you have a good sense of boundaries, it means that you are able to properly grasp the distance between you and others, both physically and emotionally. You will be able to clearly delineate your own territory with the territory of others. You never cross boundaries and interfere in the affairs of other people's territory. At the same time, you will be able to assert your own domain and prevent others from crossing your boundary. This not only shows your respect for others, but also shows that you respect and maintain yourself.
But narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or narcissistic people don't have the concept of boundaries in their minds, so they don't think others have this trait.
Why does a good sense of boundaries make a narcissist break his defenses?
1.They have a sense of rejection
A good sense of boundaries gives the narcissist a sense of rejection. Because a good sense of boundaries means that you will refuse to carry the other person's emotions, refuse to bear the responsibilities that the other party should bear, and refuse to allow the other party to wantonly intrude on your boundaries.
For narcissists, "rejection" is a big deal. They have difficulty dealing with emotions after rejection, which is a very obvious trait in narcissists. In their view, they have the power to dominate everything, and their orders should be obeyed unconditionally. When someone dares to stand up against them, they tend to be shocked and angry.
For example, you and the narcissist have just met and you think there is some information about you that the other person shouldn't know. Narcissists, because they don't have a sense of boundaries, may ask questions that have crossed the line. If you express that you don't want to tell the other person, some narcissists may lash out at you directly. Some narcissists will take a more roundabout approach, such as talking about something else first, distracting you, and then asking the question again while you're not looking. Or they will ask in a different way, in short, they will be very persistent and must get your answer. At this time, the narcissist wants to get the answer to the question, and at the same time, he is testing you for obedience.
2.A good sense of boundaries = the narcissist's means won't work
It's like seeing a locked door, only a thief would be offended. The common tactics used by narcissists, such as responsibility shifting, projection, emotional blackmail, gaslighting, etc., are all attempts by narcissists to break through the boundaries of the other person, make the other person take on their own emotions, and shift their own responsibility. However, if you have a clear sense of boundaries, the narcissist's tactics will not succeed.
For example, narcissists are not confident in their appearance, but they will try to project this inferiority complex onto you. When you're happy trying on a new outfit, they might say that you need to lose a little more weight to look good in this dress. Narcissists always find ways to make you feel inferior and uneasy. If you have a good sense of boundaries, you can explicitly refuse to accept unsolicited criticism. This unsolicited finger-pointing often hides malice, and when you keep a narcissist from succeeding, they naturally feel angry and lost.
Narcissists are not very resilient people, especially low-functioning narcissists, and if they can't break your boundaries after several attempts, then they are likely to choose to give up.
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