After reading the book written by my sister, it seems that my spiritual power has been improved, although it can't let you finish reading it, but there will be a small seed that will begin to take root and sprout, and over time, these nutrients will slowly seep out and nourish you!
The following are notes that are basically written by chapter!
The reason why you are suffering is because you don't know what you do, and you think like that, but your actions become different, or because you have too high expectations.
One. In real life, you can't find love and value, you can't alleviate the confusion and pain, and you choose the way to divert your attention, treat the symptoms rather than the root cause, and understand the real purpose behind the means and actions that need to be taken.
Two. Doctrine.
Let others fulfill their expectations.
Establish your own value system, when your core is not stable enough, you will not be able to distinguish what is really good, and you will use the mainstream consciousness of society as a reference to measure and compare.
Three. Communication is not about proving who is right and who is wrong, not about winning or losing, but about showing one's own attitude and understanding the other person's thoughts.
Four. Always fall into self-doubt, don't self-doubt.
Glass heart, too feedback in the unexpected world, don't care, don't speculate, other people's opinions can't be measured, you must understand yourself, don't be disturbed by the outside world, sincere, honest, do what you want.
Five. Take care of yourself first, and then help others, what you have, you can share it with others, don't be self-moved, you must help others when you are happy and have spare energy.
Six. Have a normal heart to face yourself, accept that you are an ordinary person, pay more attention to yourself, only put your time and energy on others, you will not make progress, the essence of jealousy is that you subjectively feel unfair, similar people, but not get the same treatment, the inner balance is broken, jealousy is your identity and envy, where you care, or what you value, others have, you don't,
Seven. People with low self-esteem are difficult to self-recognize and need constant affirmation and praise from those around them, partiality is an instinct that is difficult to realize, so learn to shout, learn to demand, and make them aware of it.
Unfairness is the norm
Eight. Live for yourself and let others live.
Don't wronged yourself, don't treat others badly, everyone will make mistakes, but tolerance also has a bottom line, and exceeding is connivance.
Allow everything to happen, allow the idea to exist that is completely opposed to oneself, and existence is reasonable
Nine. The Seven Deadly Sins: Arrogance, Jealousy, Anger, Laziness, Greed, Gluttony, Lust.
It is normal to have a proper desire for money and power, to be content when you meet expectations, and not to be entangled and regretful when you are not able to achieve them
Ten. Sincerity is the shortest distance between two points.
Hypocrisy is the fear of taking responsibility, but it often makes you pay a greater price (internal friction), and the false self will always be exposed by time.
Eleven. Social phobia.
Fear of being slighted, fear of rejection.
Low self-esteem has a purpose, the purpose is to avoid action, to escape disappointment, people will definitely be frustrated, accept that there will be people who don't like me, accept that their ability is average, their level is limited, they don't prove themselves, they don't explain, they have to identify with themselves, reconcile with themselves, go to see what they have, don't just stare at what they don't have, and don't set their goals too high
Twelve. Tangled because, fear of consequences, not satisfied, always want better, always want to get the best solution, all choices have gains and losses, rather than suffering from gains and losses, it is better to fall calmly.
The value system is not clear, the external situation is not well understood, it is difficult to analyze objectively, the goals are unrealistic, you must know what is most important to you, what you cannot compromise, set highs and lows
A baker's dozen. Everyone is against prejudice, but everyone has prejudice.
Xi bias is the generalization of things to form categories, an oversimplification of the empirical world.
Prejudice is an attitude that is labelled without basis, focusing only on one common trait and ignoring countless others, relying on a small number of implementations, massively categorizing, and constantly reinforcing the negative evaluation of the group, thus forming stereotypes.
Prejudice is a cognitive limitation, using one's own logic and values as a classification standard, preconceived, and a kind of thinking inertia.
Respect and understand individual differences, do not add the characteristics of a group to an individual, there are thousands of individuals in the group of each era, each individual family, growth background, human nature and evil present a thousand forms, a few examples can not represent the whole.
Fourteen. Kindness is regarded as a donkey's liver and lungs, which sounds very unjust at first glance, but reckless kindness can also hurt people or bring bad results.
There is no need to change yourself, there is no need to change others, don't point to other people's lives, don't judge others easily, let go of helping others, respect the fate of others, and avoid self-touching
When the boundary is crossed, your kindness becomes a nosy
Fifteen. Those cases of accidentally saying that they leaked their mouths, are they really careless, or are there other deep reasons?
The desire to snoop is human nature.
People like to indulge in schadenfreude.
Secrets can convey a sense of trust, and I hope that through the transmission of secrets, I can establish a relationship of trust with others.
Show that you have a good relationship with everyone and have more inside stories.
I care about what others think, and I want to show the superiority of those who know about it.
I'm afraid that I won't tell the truth and lose that new relationship, or I'm afraid that I will be found out later, and I feel that I am not interesting enough and want to keep this relationship.
Judging whether a relationship is important and whether it is worth defending, you should have your own judgment criteria, other people's opinions on you are not important, other people's affairs, you have no right to say it, you originally promised to keep it secret, subjectively made a judgment for others, and felt that it would not cause much harm to the parties, and there is a kind of mentality that I am also good for you.
Talkative people have very little self-confidence in social interactions, it is impossible to establish a long-term relationship with others by leaking secrets, and they are easy to be taken advantage of, lose the trust of those around them, leak secrets are disgraceful, and people are not worthy of deep friendship.
Sixteen. Parents have their lives.
We also have our lives.
Accept love under different values, everyone expresses love in different ways, so don't jump to conclusions, you didn't do it....You just don't love me.
Don't be overstressed, try to empathize, what you think is very serious, in the eyes of your parents, may not be so serious, you feel that the interference caused to your parents, they may enjoy it, so try to learn to enjoy this love, learn to control yourself, do not evaluate the way they do things, because of the difference in concepts, it is inevitable that there are differences with your own ideas, just be tolerant and enjoy, we can control our own lives, but don't try to manipulate the lives of others.
Seventeen. PUA is a state of control built into a relationship of trust.
Blaming you for all the discomfort is denying your true feelings and the reasonableness of your emotions.
Opposing PUA in the workplace is to ignore it, if you don't cooperate, it won't be valid, ignore it is to listen to what the boss says, and listen to it if it doesn't make sense, even if he is not satisfied with me, I am not a superman, just complete my job worthy of myself,
Eighteen. Nosy is not warm-hearted.
A relative who likes to inquire about private matters, a friend or colleague who has no sense of boundaries.
Keen on superficial pleasure, receiving affirmation and praise from others from small things brings great emotional value
XIX None. Twenty.
When something you particularly desire suddenly appears, or even appears in a perfect posture, be extra vigilant.
The person who draws the cake holds the result you expect, loses his basic judgment for the empty check promised by the other party, drags unrealistic fantasies, and leads to a blind spot in reality, and the party who is painted the cake does not want to admit that he is in a weak position, does not want to admit that he is in the selected echelon, and is by no means the first choice, by rationalizing the other party's behavior, comforting himself, and taking the initiative to accept the result after being beautified.
Twenty-one. It's when faced with something that you are not so sure about, or that you don't want to do so much, you will avoid and procrastinate.
Avoid failure and do not accept the reality of your own inadequacy.
The sense of time is unbalanced, the future is far away, not urgent, and the future is despised lightly.
If the goal is too ambitious, and you are working very hard at the moment, but because you can't see what impact the future will have, it is easy to be discouraged, you can't see the whole picture, over-strengthen your role, and your judgment of self-worth is inaccurate, resulting in an imbalance in your mentality.
From having an idea to doing something, the process seems to be very close, but in fact it is very far, twenty-two.
When you know that you don't have to pay any price for your actions, people will act recklessly, which is the dark side of human nature.
When encountering problems, it is human nature to shirk responsibility.
There is no such thing as absolute fairness in the workplace.
Say ugly things ahead.
Give early warning
Twenty-three. The core problem of intimacy is that the relationship is equal and evenly matched.
Determine a reasonable expectation that there is no perfect relationship.
Sincere communication is the best of a sense of security and trust.
Don't follow your own subjective imagination, draw conclusions for others, and tell them your expectations, what you should pursue is not a sense of security, but a balanced and healthy relationship
Twenty-four. Vanity is for the evaluation of others, let yourself work hard, and constantly meet the preferences of others, and I don't get anything, vanity will make people live in a false circle of ability, and they need to be on tiptoe all the time to be able to be in a state, and people will be particularly painful.
The praise brought by vanity does not belong to you, because it is not created by you, and the distinction between yourself in the eyes of others and the real self you expect can be properly packaged, but don't live in an illusion, ignore the essence of things, and go into the wrong state of mind
If your vanity is too high, it means that you have not found your true value, you don't know what you care about in your heart, adjust yourself, divide your circle of ability, accept that you can't do some things, and return to the essence of life.
Twenty-five. Let go of illusions about human nature and expectations of others, stop pleasing them, understand that some people don't matter even if they lose, don't seek to be recognized by others, don't care about other people's evaluations, and don't be afraid of being hated by others.
Knowing what is important to oneself and what standards are given by others, when we have not formed a complete three views, it is easy to fall into the evaluation of others