It's 6:20 a.m. and the kids have to get to school at 7:30. The school teacher has already reminded you that your daughter is too late. But your daughter is unhurriedly tidying up her hair and changing her clothes.
Hurry up, or we'll be late!"You've been urging her several times, but she's not coming out of the room. You go into her room and try to get her up to speed, but she's lying on the floor and shouting, "I don't want to go to school!".”
What comes to mind when you read this paragraph?Like many parents, you can imagine the stress that comes with this scene
You can imagine your own helplessness, anxiety, and anger;You can even imagine the tightness that gradually wells up in your chest, the impatience, the thoughts that pop into your head, and the words and actions that may arise.
For many parents, this pressure is commonplace. Interestingly, while being late for this thing is not at all a real threat to lifeBut it causes very strong feelings, emotions, and thoughts in usIt's as if something terrible is really going to happen. Have you noticed this?
Figpexel
A parent's "crazy moment".
In counselling, we have noticed that, as parents, we have evolved the ability to generate rapid, intense, automated responses in stressful situations that are disproportionate to the level of risk in real-world situations. In other words: we're often overreacting.
These overreactions often make us experience a lot of "crazy" moments:
Some parents will say: I scared myself, how could I say such vicious things;
I hit her, and I swore I wouldn't;
I found that my husband could talk calmly with my children, unlike when I was caught in a "war" all of a sudden, which made me feel as if I had done something wrong and I felt terrible.
Parents caught up in the torrent of automated parenting relied on inertia and almost instinctively to act. Afterwards, I will blame myself or be confused.
Speaking of which, it's not all your fault, it's because there's an accident in your brainYour mind has been hijacked
FigInternet.
What does it mean to have your mind hijacked?
The mind has been hijacked?
What's going on?
InEmotions**At that moment, this is the prefrontal lobe in the cerebral cortex, the amygdala in the limbic system and the "trinity" of the brainstem to do a small action!
When we receive information from the outside world, for example, when a snake suddenly appears in front of us,AmygdalaDetect that the "snake" is a dangerous message, and quickly pass the news to the brothers;BrainstemAfter receiving the information, we immediately regulate our body hormones, our hearts beat faster, blood flow accelerates, and we are ready to fight or flee;Prefrontal lobeThen he mobilized his reason and found that this was a snake, which was clearly a well rope, and told everyone that the alarm was lifted, and the brothers washed and slept. The brainstem is called a day.
The cooperation of these three brothers is lightning fast, often this information is processed in an instant. Their good functioning is a guarantee for us humans to deal with stress effectively.
But when we are in situations of extreme emotion, such as extreme anger, sadness, fear, the activity of the prefrontal area of the cerebral cortex decreases,It is difficult to make a rational judgment about the message sent by the amygdala。At this time, out of the need for survival, people will adopt self-protective behaviors, and react at any time to fight, flee, or freeze (such as standing motionless). This reaction is called amygdala hijacking.
FigInternet.
Because of the loss of the prefrontal lobe's rational judgment, the brain stem begins to blindly follow the signals sent by the amygdala, and at this time, we are like our IQ has plummeted by 50 points, and we can only rely on instinct to react.
So my dear, it's not your fault when you're emotionally yelling at your child, it's just that you've been "hijacked".
Educate your child and try mindful parenting
The moment you get angry with your child, your mind is filled with all sorts of terrible thoughts:
Doesn't this kid know how to learn Xi?
Does he have a problem with her intelligence or ability?
If this continues, will he be abandoned by the times?
Will he and her grow up to do the lowest work and live a frustrated life for the rest of their lives?
No, I can't leave him alone, I have to take action to keep him on the right track......
Your amygdala has detected so much dangerous information, but the function of the cerebral cortex is basically in a state of strike, and you can only react with the primitive- Fighting, yelling, or even scolding (of course, it is possible to run away or freeze the reaction without reacting, but out of a strong sense of responsibility, you are more likely to ask yourself to react).
FigNetwork [Original Response: Fight, Flight, Freeze].
If you're confused and want to change that, give it a tryMindful parenting
Mindful parenting is a process of continuous innovation that refers to consciously, effortlessly trying to be aware of every moment without judgment.
Mindful parenting involves awareness of our internal phenomena, including thinking, emotions, and physical sensations, as well as external phenomena such as children's families, family culture, and Xi.
So,Discern your own impulses to experience what happens with conscious and mindful parenting. Learning Xi respond in a more appropriate and imaginative way to better understand the uniqueness, emotions and needs of children.
BetterPresence[Note], listen attentively with the present moment, discern and accept things as they are in each moment.
Note: Presence refers to the reality and different depths of a being being with other beings. Presence is the conscious dwelling of the present moment. Live in the moment, live in every moment. - Encyclopedia.
Let the child be calmer and behave wellto better resolve conflicts with your child, promote your relationship with your child, and make the parenting process more effective.
Reduce impulsivity in parentingto gain a sense of control.
Be more accepting of yourself and your childrento develop a stronger bond with your child.
Figpexel