When you encounter your husband's cheating, it is not anything else that torments you repeatedly, but in the face of your husband's return, your "can't believe it." ”
On the one hand, after your husband cheated on him, he sincerely repented and guaranteed that he would not do it again, and you were willing to give him a chance, but you didn't want to lose this relationship, so you decided to turn the page and look forward;
But on the other hand, your heart is terrified, and there is always a voice whispering to you: "He's just a ****, have you forgotten how he hurt you?" When he got married, he promised to love you for the rest of his life, didn't he cheat too? Don't trust him anymore".
As a result, emotions keep repeating, and your heart is constantly being pulled and tormented.
So, if a cheating man sincerely repents and wants to return to the family, does he have the probability of cheating again?
The answer is a bit of a stinging one: yes, and dramatically.
The reason is actually hidden in your inner voice: if his sincere apology is useful, and his assurance is useful to you, then he will not be a cheating man in the first place
The vows made by the public at the wedding, and even the constraints of the law are invalid for him, do you think that in the face of you alone, a repentance and a guarantee can bind him?
Apparently not.
So, your definition of "regression" was wrong from the start.
This is also why, you will fall into endless emotional internal friction, and your hatred for men has been suppressed to death, knowing that one day, you will finally be unbearable and completely explode.
A man wants to turn the page, but you are still bound by the pain, and neither of you is on the same path, how can you get over the hurdle of cheating?
And this hurdle is the culprit that your relationship will still break down even if the man returns.
Therefore, the definition of "return" is not based on whether the man's attitude of admitting mistakes is sincere, and only a man who has achieved the following two points can be regarded as a man who truly returns to the family.
1. Whether it is for you or for the junior, he will give him enough time
A cheating man, if he can quickly break off the mistress, do you think his sincerity to return to the family is enough?
Most people feel full of sincerity.
However, the fact is that the more quickly a man breaks off after cheating, the higher the chance of cheating again.
The reason is very simple, since he cheated, it proves that he is moved.
Feelings are not like brakes, can you brake when you say brakes, and can you break them when you say cut?
The reason why he broke off so quickly can only prove one thing: he didn't think too much about and weigh when starting or ending a relationship, not only for the mistress, but also for you.
That is to say, when he cheated, he was not very distracted, and when he returned, he was not very distracted, and it is even possible that he was also distracted about the marriage itself.
Then the chances of him cheating again are greatly increased.
Therefore, no matter how sincere the cheating man is in apologizing, even if he blacks out all the contact methods of the junior in front of you and swears that he will never be contacted, you must continue to observe, and give him a period of time to see how he acts
Promises are just words, you can come with your mouth open, and actions can't deceive people.
On the other hand, if a man can't stand your emotional relapse after returning, then he is not really returning.
The reason is the same as above, if he has paid his sincerity, he understands that a heart takes time, and you are heartbroken as the original partner, but he does not give you time to heal, but accuses you of being unreasonable and loving to turn over old accounts, then it is enough to prove that he is not interested in Xiaosan or you.
2. What should the wife do during this time?
When many original partners heard that "they want to give their husbands time to break off three", they were not very acceptable at first.
Naturally, I understand that this is very unfair to the original partner, and it is already difficult to make the decision to forgive, do you still have to endure it? Or even boil with him?
But in fact, I am not teaching you to be patient, but I am telling you how to guide the other person to find an opportunity to solve the problem.
During the period after the man's return, most of the original partners will have the following two situations:
First, think of yourself as a judge.
The man is the "** criminal" who is serving a prison sentence, and the original partner will quietly watch his performance. If he doesn't behave well, then the original partner will blame and criticize. At this time, the man will feel that he has confessed his mistakes and come back, but your attitude towards him has not changed, and your differences still exist, so he may insist on it for a few days and give up on himself;
The second is to take oneself too lightly.
The pain of cheating is too great, causing your self-confidence to disappear, and you are afraid to do anything after that, for fear that you will do something wrong, and he will go out to find someone else, and you can only obey him and please him by overpaying.
At this time, even if a man's remorse is a little sincere, he will feel that he doesn't need to pay any price for cheating? If you listen to the plan, he will be more unscrupulous.
Therefore, in fact, in the early stage of men's return, we can all see it as a "fake return", excessive criticism, and too low profile pandering, are not applicable, the best way is to take the middle way.
We need to take advantage of his guilt and make our own claims:
The first step is to communicate openly and honestly.
Let him understand the damage caused to his family by his betrayal, as well as the damage caused to himself, and in the process of communication, the wife should express her feelings bluntly and simply;
The second step is to make a request.
The original spouse should directly and clearly tell her husband about her needs, such as expecting him to pay more attention to the family, spend more time with the children, and share more household chores. At the same time, the original partner should also listen to her husband's feelings and needs, and both parties should seek a win-win solution.
The third step is to set a common goal.
By setting common goals, the husband's concern for the future of the family can be strengthened, his commitment to the family can be increased, and thus his sunk costs can be increased.
The fourth step is to establish rules.
For example, the openness of social platforms, the transparency of economic expenses, and the reporting of outings have a supervisory role within a reasonable range.
Only in this way can you not only increase his investment in the relationship, but also let you see his actions, your mentality will be balanced, the pain will gradually heal, and his return can be regarded as effective, effective, valuable, and a return in the true sense. Husband cheats