Lu Yao once wrote in "Life" that a person's life is very long, but the key to influencing people is only a few steps, especially when they are young. And these key steps, in my cognition, are birth, choosing a career, choosing a mate, what environment to be born in, what kind of career to choose after growing up, what kind of person to marry, are all the keys that can affect a person's life. But choosing a career is not just about choosing a job, but also choosing the environment and interpersonal relationships behind the career. When I graduated from university in 2012, I chose to become a civil servant, and more importantly, in my ignorant life experience, civil service is a stable career that can reassure my family. That year, I traveled all the way from Shanxi for three days to Xinjiang, and with a yearning for a better future, I plunged into the ranks of the system.
When I first entered the workplace, I was undoubtedly hardworking, because of my outstanding performance, I was soon transferred to the Municipal ** Secretary Office, and I met a leader who influenced my life. In my memory, she is about thirty years old, not tall, 1.55 meters tall, baby face, big eyes, small mouth, **fair and translucent, which makes her look like a college student, but looking at her mature and capable appearance, it looks like she has been in the workplace for many years. The first time I saw her, she was wearing black suit pants, white shirt, white flat sneakers, busy in the office, I was settled by a colleague from the organization department, seeing that she was busy, I picked a random position to sit down, and waited for more than ten minutes before I saw her sitting at the workstation, not caring about drinking water, so I pointed out a workstation next to the window for me to sit down. As soon as I sat down, she introduced herself, her surname was Pan, she said that she was more than ten years older than me, just call her Sister Pan, and then she introduced me to the content of the work, she spoke very quickly, to the point, she raised her voice very high, and looked at me, to see my reaction, if I hesitated, she would immediately ask me if I needed to re-explain. She seems meticulous, patient, and very good at observing words and feelings, explaining to me the content of the arrangement, she uses the mind map logic to sort out clearly, and when she finishes, I began to try to work on the computer, and she, picked up the water on the table that had already cooled, and drank it with her neck up. Grunting sound, she drank water as if poured, a porcelain glass of water, two sips were drunk by her, after drinking, she buried her head in front of the computer and began to type.
Although Section Chief Pan asked me to call her Sister Pan, I always felt weird, she was so young and so good-looking, calling Sister Pan seemed to call her old, so I took it upon myself to call her Sister Yu, but I didn't expect that she was quite happy to hear it. She said that it would be okay to call anything, and that it was just a code name. Our department is mainly responsible for material writing, and there is also the work of sending and receiving materials, I just came, in addition to doing some simple sending and receiving work, I also began to systematically learn to write materials. Sister Yu works very seriously, she can always exceed the expectations of the leader to do things, after I got started, she handed over a lot of material tasks to me, and she innovatively thought of some working methods, at first I did not understand very much, the work itself is very hard, Sister Yu also took the initiative to innovate in work, but later, I saw that the department led by Sister Yu was often praised for its outstanding work, and Sister Yu was very valued in the unit, and I was gradually emerging in the unit. Slowly, I gradually understood Sister Yu's ingenuity and good intentions. Sister Yu has always told me that writing materials seems to be fixed and rigid, but if you imagine different leaders with different speech styles, different academic backgrounds, and different requirements for content, you will find that a material also has a soul, and the requirements and characteristics of different leaders are that each material is different from other souls. When she told me, I actually didn't seem to understand, but according to her request, I took the initiative to find some past reports from leaders, as well as the speeches, views, and past materials of different leaders on different occasions, and then analyzed and summarized with Sister Yu. Sister Yu admires my hardship and learning spirit, and often encourages me, saying that I am very good, and I have formed a positive feedback in her praise, and I have worked harder and harder, and I have won her glory more and more. Those two years were our most beautiful time, I received a lot of praise and praise, in this smooth environment, once made me have an illusion, that is, hard work will be rewarded, and self-confidence is also in the process of accomplishing one thing, little by little, formed, determined.
But the change did happen, and that was two years after I joined the company. In that year, the original number one was promoted and transferred, and took away several middle-level people who were very trusted, and at the same time promoted a new leader from the unit at that time, and the leadership team of the unit also changed the water, and the direction of our entire work changed. The new leader is very young, he has an active mind, probably because after he came to power, he hopes to change the previous atmosphere of holding meetings at every turn, and holding meetings at every turn, his meetings are obviously fewer, and he arranges work in an eclectic manner, and every time there is something to directly organize relevant personnel to his office. We obviously feel that the work is much easier, the meetings are reduced, and all departments breathe a sigh of relief. Because the new leader likes the kind of meeting in the form of a group, he will discuss directly with the middle level of each core department, so he is invisibly close to several key middle levels, and everyone does not seem to have the feeling of superiority and superiority, and the unit has become more harmonious than ever. Of course, the biggest change was in our materials department, which was suddenly more relaxed than ever after a hectic, thin-ice job. In fact, we were very uncomfortable at the beginning, and I felt that Sister Yu was too, although the leader did not ask for it, she still worked hard as always. She often told me that the work should be thoughtful, summarized more, and stood at a higher level to sort out and review, and could not always stay at the level of mechanical completion. She likes martial arts**, just use martial arts** as an example, she said, there is a sweeping monk in "Dragon Babu", who lives in seclusion in the Tibetan Scripture Pavilion every day, and has become a martial arts master by sweeping the floor to develop a move and a style, but you see that there are thousands of people who sweep the floor, and those who can study in the process of sweeping can become masters. We want to be a "sweeping monk" in the work, that is, in the seemingly simple and repetitive process of sweeping, the thinking and innovation you do for the work is what distinguishes you from others. Sister Yu said that and did that, she likes to study very much, and she reads a lot of related books in her spare time, in those years, her work was undoubtedly hard and tight, and she couldn't stop for a moment.
But after the new leader came to power, Sister Yu suddenly became less strict with our colleagues in the department, and many changes also happened unconsciously. First of all, I feel that it is becoming more and more difficult to coordinate work, and when I go to other departments to coordinate work, everyone does not cooperate, or in other words, I always do not take care of things within the rules, and rationalize and refuse. In this process, I feel constrained everywhere, and I think Sister Yu is even more. Every time there is work that needs to be coordinated, after I hit a wall here, I will look for Sister Yu, but I always promise, saying that she will deal with it, and communicate vigorously, but sometimes, I will see that she is also helpless. I saw her distress, many people in the office began to secretly play with their mobile phones online, Sister Yu no longer stopped it as before, and she no longer told me what she used to tell me, to work hard, even if the salary did not rise, but not to waste life, to realize self-worth, I feel that she has also changed. But I can see with the naked eye that she is lost inside. During the Spring Festival of that year, I was delayed in the dormitory because I didn't buy a ticket to return, and Sister Yu saw that I didn't go home, so she asked me to go out to eat hot pot together. The hot pot restaurant was chosen by Sister Yu, an ordinary small shop. There were not many people in the store, so we chose the innermost window position to sit down, outside the large glass window, the endless flow of vehicles, yellow lights, for a moment, there were only two of us in this world. I don't know why, maybe it's because the Spring Festival is approaching, the two strangers actually have a sense of wandering, maybe it's because of the change of work, suddenly something seems uncertain, and we feel a little sad in the steaming hot pot.
That day, Sister Yu talked a lot, she kept saying sorry to me, saying that she was now in a contradiction, and she was still strict with us as before, she felt that there was no hope, but let us lie down in the middle of the day, and she felt unwilling. She said that she has always been a person who pursues a sense of meaning in life, and lying flat is not her intention. She said that I am very good, I have just entered the workplace, and she doesn't want me to be wasted, but the balance in her heart is out of balance, and the values she has accumulated in her past experience are gradually collapsing. She told me about her frustrationShe said that sometimes she was strict with us, but there was no guarantee that we would get more if we did more, so she was in a state of contradictions. In particular, this time many departments worked collectively, and she saw that colleagues in other departments were very idle, but their heads would let go of idleness and lying flat, as a kind of welfare, as if ignoring it was a good thing for the people below. But she said, you know what?It's not what she wants, we can lie down for a while, but life is too long, and she is very afraid of the sense of meaninglessness, but she knows that she can't guarantee the meaning that material things give us, so no matter what, it's like painting a pie and boiling chicken soup. This is something that makes her feel separated, she herself doesn't want to lie flat, but she can't find a real reason if she doesn't lie flat, so she gives up her requirements for herself and us in this kind of unwillingness and struggle. I finally understand why Sister Yu also began to lie flat and turn a blind eye to everyone. She said that the first time she slacked off at work was when we were renovating our office, when several departments were crammed into one large office. She said that the noisy conversation in the office and the constant gossip of chatting made it impossible for her to concentrate at all, and that the material was only written at the beginning, and she could not continue to write. Stopping her hand on the keyboard, the same as the thoughts in her head, floating, unable to get into the topic, she got up from her seat, remembered that she needed to go to the government affairs hall to do something, and walked out of the office building. That afternoon the sun was warm, and there was no urgency, so she took the bus, and in the swaying of the bus, she was drowsy, and almost sat at the station, and when she arrived at her destination, she felt sleepy like a tide, and rushed over her. She got out of the car heavily, she had no strength in her legs, she felt so sleepy, the feeling of tiredness enveloped her, and she wanted to lie down and sleep. So, I walked to the government affairs hall, found a row of chairs by the window and sat down, leaned back on the back of the chair, closed her eyes, and soon was completely surrounded by sleepiness, and she slept beautifully. That was the first time she was lazy at work, and at first she was afraid of being discovered by the leader, but later in this undisturbed environment, she felt down-to-earth, free and happy. Sister Yu said very slowly, she recalled those details bit by bit, I think that in addition to the warm sunlight in the government affairs hall, which made her dizzy, the current environment of the unit is not dizzy, and she must have experienced countless struggles in her heart until now.
An excellent leader must have a firm core and pure values, so that she will overcome all difficulties for the goal. But now, she suddenly doesn't feel that her insistence is right or wrong, and deep down, there are more and more gray areas. She doesn't want to waste her time, she has a strong pursuit of the value of life, but the reality is that she is helpless in many things, she firmly believes that the efforts will be rewarded, not universal, she observes others, it is undeniable that she sees a lot of people, lying flat and living a good life, she sees that she is strict, everything must be required to do top-notch, ** people, but can not get the due return. The balance in her heart began to be unbalanced, and she felt unwilling, so she felt sorry and blamed herself. She said a lot that night, in small pieces, and I knew that she was expressing her apologies and her confusion. At this time, her ideas of enhancing the value of life inevitably became nihilistic. The whole collective lives in a state of getting by, like a sleepy old man, basking in the sun. When the leaders are in this state of drowsiness, it is conceivable that the whole system edifice is also in this state, like a big ship, carrying a boatload of people, everyone just takes care of their own anchor to ensure that it is stable, as for the big ship to sink or not, it is all a matter of personal concern. In this big ship, we people have become a small society of our own, everyone does not worry about eating and drinking inside, but it is limited to the inside, what the outside world is like, in fact, no one really cares, everyone just wants to receive their own salary.
That night, Sister Yu talked a lot, her inner world, and her fragile and wavering values. She is like a depressed general, she said that she doesn't know what her life will be like in the future, lie down with the crowd, or still maintain the same working state as before. Both are painful, and our circumstances make her hopeless. I know that if I keep the same state as before, I must have a firm core of value, that is, as if I will not be promoted, I will still try my best to do a good job, like a flower in the mountains, no one will **, still blooming. I know, it's hard. But right now, we can't think of a better way out in this stable system, and lying flat may be comfortable for a while, but that sense of meaninglessness will also make me uneasy. When we came out of the hotel that day, it was already brightly lit, and when we crossed the street, Sister Yu suddenly came over and grabbed my arm, and at that moment, I felt that we were very close. I said, no matter what others do, we have to build our own house in our hearts. Sister Yu responded softly, thoughtfully, but we all seemed to have an answer. I remembered a sentence from the book of Xinjiang writer Li Juan, singing loudly in the mountains. Sing loudly deep in the mountains, or light a firework deep in the belly of the desert. A lot of times, I think, we have to have this kind of mentality, maybe you can't get anything in return, but you still have to do it, it's ridiculous to say, it looks stupid, but for myself, it's an explanation I can think of to myself. Compared with my life's inaction, the singing in the mountains and the fireworks in the depths of the desert are also brilliant, at least I am happy in those moments. It's just joy, casual, and I'm afraid it's the only certainty that can be given to oneself in a time of uncertainty. That's enough, too many things too far away, thinking too much, in vain. Do your best, know the destiny of heaven. Do your best to live this life, if you can't add to it, then have it, no one cares about it in the depths of the desert, and you can enjoy it.