Text: 360-degree psychology understands love and understands you better.
Hello teacher:
Recently, I've been in a state of emotional exhaustion again.
My story with him started in 2017, one day he inexplicably messaged in the morning that he dreamed of me, and then I was very strange and didn't reply to him. But the next day he messaged me again, and we chatted slowly.
At that time, he had just graduated and worked, and I was already a mother of one child. I have some mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problems in my marriage, and I will always make trouble. Then my husband is usually busy, and we have less emotional communication.
At first, we just talked about some things that we didn't have, but then it developed into a substantive relationship, and then my second child took maternity leave for 3 months, during which he left his job.
I don't know why he sent me that message all of a sudden, through other colleagues, saying that he had a girlfriend and then broke up. There may be these reasons. I asked him, but he didn't tell me. I didn't ask too much about it.
After my second child came back to work, we still talked a lot, but we didn't have much time to see each other. Suddenly, one day he posted on Moments that he was engaged, and he didn't tell me in advance, and I couldn't accept the fact that he didn't tell me that he was going to get married. Then at the end of last year he got married.
After he got engaged, he still had contact with me, and once our company had a group physical examination, and he asked me to sign him up, and his fiancée also went to the physical examination together. I happened to be doing this work, and I helped him, and I realized that I didn't have the strength to do these things for him, and I felt that I was jealous. Then I deleted his WeChat.
I deleted it several times, but he added me back. For almost half a year, I ignored him and didn't reply to him. But I think of him every day, and I try to restrain myself from disturbing him. But as soon as he messaged me, I broke the defense.
I don't know why I am like this. In the course of our interactions, we do not have any monetary dealings except for necessary consumption.
Recently he contacted me again, in fact, his purpose is very clear, he just wants to sleep with me, in fact, the two of us still enjoy this aspect, but after I expressed my scruples to him, he suddenly stopped contacting me. I can't accept it all of a sudden.
I also know that this relationship should end, but I still want to see if he sends me a message on WeChat, no matter what it is. Because now, I don't want to end such a relationship by deleting WeChat** and so on.
But it was really hard for me to break off the relationship, and I don't know why, he didn't give me anything financial or material, maybe it was because I was relaxed every time I was with him, or maybe it was because I enjoyed the hugs he gave me and the feeling of desperate need.
I wondered how I was going to let go of this fruitless relationship slowly. In fact, during the time I contacted him, I kept mentioning to him that I wanted to end this relationship, but he just didn't say a formal goodbye to me. Always give me some news out of the blue. I've been caught up in this mood over and over again. I felt like I wanted to end the relationship, but I didn't have the ability to do so. I hope to be helped.
My reply: You still have expectations for this person in your heart, and you have some confusion about men's sexual patterns.
For a man, he has had a physical relationship with you, and he will not reject it if he sleeps occasionally, but he will not invest much affection, marriage is a process for him to complete his social identity, and it does not mean that he will expect much from the people in the marriage.
The relationship with you is also a supplement to sexual harmony, for a man, since he has already had a relationship with you, why break it, for him, the relationship with you is a good supplement to his body.
Marriage is marriage, sex is sex, and men are very clear.
You are emotional, and men know that you are emotional, so they pinch you. Knowing that you are emotionally and physically dependent on him, he will tease you from time to time, and if you show that you are not interested in him, or you are very angry at him for neglecting him, the man will not contact you.
Because every time you contact you, you will have emotional fluctuations, and when a man feels it, he will know that you still can't do without him, so he will contact you again and againIf a man contacts you more than three times, and you ignore it three times, the man probably won't bother to contact you.
About author:360-degree view of psychology, psychological supervisor, counselor, psychology lecturer, gender relationship research scholar, emotional writer, deeply engaged in the field of psychology for more than 20 years, focusing on the improvement of women's wisdom, gender cognitive cultivation and intimate relationship building, to improve the modern men and women's sense of belief and cooperation in love and marriage for the concept, based on improving the quality of marriage between Chinese men and women, is committed to making China's marriage and family relations more stable, so that the modern society between the sexes can be healthier and long-term development.