When I saw this sentence: "It is better to teach a daughter to be a thorn than to teach her to be like a sheep", I was deeply moved. This sentence not only touches on the concerns of parents facing their daughter's education, but also reflects society's expectations for women's growth and self-reliance. In my years of parenting counselling, I have encountered many similar confusions, with parents hesitating between balancing the protection of their daughters with nurturing their independence. Today, I would like to touch this topic through a few real-life cases and my observations.
Not long ago, I received a private message from a mother. Her daughter, Yuhan, is a model student in the school, with excellent grades and good behavior, but she has always maintained an extreme humility and obedience, and has almost no opinions of her own. She has a small social circle at school, is always alone, and avoids activities that can cause conflict or uncertainty. At home, she listened to her mother's words, even when she often felt unfair or wronged. The mother told me: "I always felt that my daughter was like a flower without thorns, beautiful but fragile, and I was worried about how she would face this complicated world in the future." ”
I'm no stranger to this mother's concerns. In fact, many parents share similar concerns, often overemphasizing well-behaved and obedient daughters when raising them, while neglecting to cultivate their girls' independence and self-protection skills. While this type of education may lead to superficial "perfection" in the short term, in the long run, it may limit the development of a girl's personality and even affect their well-being and safety.
The mother's concerns reveal a deeper problem, the traditional expectations of society regarding the role of women. In many cultures, girls are taught from an early age to be gentle, submissive, and keep a low profile. This emphasis on "girlishness" (the so-called femininity) often ignores the development of a girl's personality and abilities. In fact, the double standard that girls are expected to show both grace and gentleness while also excelling in education and career has a profound impact on their development.
First of all, we need to realize that girls also have the ability to think independently and develop themselves. They should be encouraged to think independently and express their opinions and opinions. This not only boosts their self-confidence, but also develops their decision-making and problem-solving skills.
Secondly, we need to provide a diversified environment for girls to grow up. Cultivating a girl's independence doesn't mean making them cold and unforgiving. Instead, we should encourage them to participate in activities and social circles, providing opportunities to interact with different people and things. Through this experience, girls can learn to collaborate with others, resolve conflicts, and protect their own rights.
Finally, we need to set a positive example for girls. Parents and other adults should lead by example and demonstrate the qualities of independence, confidence, and resilience. Girls tend to imitate the behaviour of their parents and the adults around them, so we need to provide them with positive role models to inspire them to be brave and independent.
Another problem I often encounter is that many parents have an over-concern for safety in girls' education, often overly protective and restrictive of girls' movements. They fear that girls will be harmed or put in danger, so they are restricted from exploring and trying new things. However, excessive protection and restrictions can deprive girls of the opportunity to learn, Xi and grow on their own.
I once consulted with a family whose daughter, Xiaofang, was doing well at home and school, but she didn't know anything about the outside world. She's never been to an unfamiliar environment, hasn't socialized, and her whole world seems to exist only within her narrow comfort zone. Her parents were worried about how she would be able to live independently and adapt to society later in life.
In this case, I would advise parents to let go in moderation and give girls more freedom and opportunities to explore. Of course, safety education is also essential, but we must not overemphasize the importance of safety and neglect the growth and development of girls. We need to teach girls to be judgmental and self-preservation, so that they can learn to distinguish between danger and safe situations, rather than simply confined themselves to their homes.
In addition, we would like to remind girls to solve problems through communication and asking for help. Girls should know how to communicate with others and express their needs and confusions. When they encounter problems, they should be brave enough to turn to their parents, teachers, or other trusted people for appropriate support and guidance.
Finally, we need to respect and support girls' choices and decisions. While we may have different opinions and concerns as parents, we want to give girls the opportunity to make their own decisions and respect their choices. This not only boosts girls' self-confidence and independence, but also motivates them to try new things and face challenges.
Although parents face many challenges and confusions in the process of raising girls, I believe that as long as we give them enough love, support and guidance, girls will be able to show their independence, resilience and self-confidence. And when they face difficulties and challenges, they will also have the ability to overcome and grow.