After a breakup, boys will basically take the initiative to contact their exes.
Why didn't your ex look back?
Because there is no incentive between you to turn each other back.
No one leaves a relationship for no reason, and no one turns back for no reason.
You think that the other person left because he didn't love him, but in fact the other person may have been disappointed in you.
The real problem between you is something that you don't understand and see through.
1. The true psychology of a man's breakup
1. A sense of freedom and loss
You may feel free at first when you break up, but the sense of loss that comes with a breakup is a direct feeling in the boy's heart. After all, you have really been together and have had great memories, and these are things that cannot be erased. This feeling of loss can turn into a very empty emotion.
At the same time, the other party will feel very uneasy in their hearts, and even begin to doubt their decision, and will keep thinking, "Am I really doing something wrong?".If I hadn't done that, wouldn't it have ended like this?”。
On the one hand, the other party will like the feeling of freedom, and on the other hand, the other party will be full of worries and doubts about the future. Because there is no one to control themselves, they feel free, and after they are free, they feel empty.
2. Reminisce about the past
It's human nature to miss something beautiful.
After a period of breakup, the other party will not only feel that you are reminded of the beautiful picture of you together. The laughter and invisible tacit understanding that we have experienced together are the real testimonies between you, and those are the unforgettable memories of each other. At this time, the other party may regret separating from you and think about getting back together with you.
Human feelings are complex, although the other party may have some bad impressions of you in their hearts, or even complain, but there is still an emotional bond between you. This kind of emotional fetters cannot be let go of when you let go.
3. Start accepting and letting go
The reluctance to accept the outcome at first was an instinctive reaction of self-preservation.
Later, time passed, and you began to slowly accept the reality of separation, and you have accepted that the other party is leaving, and it is impossible for you to be together at all. Even if there is really a lot of reluctance in his heart, the other party still tells himself to accept such a fact. At this time, the other party may begin to try to let go of the relationship, start to face a new life again, and make new circles.
Second, the motivation of the other party to contact the ex
Human nature is to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, everyone wants to get more and pay less. It's instinctually driven by human nature.
When will the other party be willing to take the initiative to turn back?
It is a better and better future that the other party can foresee.
Just imagine, would you be willing to be with each other when you know that the other person will not change at all, and there will be no future between you at all?
It's safe to say no.
It's human nature that everyone yearns for something beautiful. A person will only be willing to turn back if she has renewed hope in the relationship.
You may ask, "How do you get the other person to get him motivated again?"”
Whether two people can get back together is generally due to two factors:
One is an external driving force;
One is the internal driving force;
The former determines whether you can reconcile with objective factors, such as: parental opposition, material, remote and other objective reality reasons;The latter is to determine whether the essential problems of the two of you can be solved, such as: whether the two people get along appropriately, whether they have found a good way of communication, whether the needs of the two people can be met, whether the life plans of the two people are the same, and so on.
If you want to get back together with the other person, you have to grasp the internal and external drives.
Let's start with external drives.
It seems that you are separated because of some practical factors, because of the bride price and the opposition of your parents, but in fact, it still shows that the relationship between you is not strong, and there are problems between you yourself, and these problems are just one of the fuses.
The external drive needs to be considered more about your own ability, as well as your ability to communicate with each other.
Let's talk about external drives.
This is the key factor in the reunion between you.
1. Can you meet the needs of the other person?
In "Intimacy", it says, "The essence of starting and maintaining a relationship is really a need. ”When two people can meet each other's needs, then the relationship will arise and continue.
One person must be together because you are happy, comfortable, and happy with the other person, and if you really want to continue a relationship, you must learn to meet the needs of the other person.
So at this time, you need to know what the other person's real needs areWhat can you bring to the other side?
For example:The other party is originally a very low self-esteem, you are never willing to affirm and praise the other person, at this time the other party does not feel comfortable and wants to leave the relationship;
What the other party needs is that two people can tolerate and understand each other, but every time you encounter a problem, you either make trouble or avoid it, and the other party is getting more and more tired in this relationship, and they will leave without looking back;
Everyone wants to get some out of their feelings, it's just that a lot of times, you've overlooked that. But if you have a quarrel or a breakup, it doesn't mean that you are not suitable for each other, but that you simply do not understand each other and the real inner needs of each other.
What the other party wants is your respect and recognition, then you can sincerely praise and recognize the other party;
What the other person wants is that when you are sad, you give the other person comfort and care, then you can try to empathize with the other person;
What the other person wants is a free space, and they don't like to be stuck all the time, so try to give the other person some freedom and maintain a proper sense of boundaries
When you can meet the needs of the other person, and the other person feels happy with you, there is an opportunity for you to form a new supply and demand equal, then the relationship between you will be full of momentum.
2. Do you have good communication with each other?
When many people go to communicate, they simply communicate ineffectively, they don't know their needs, and they don't express their ideas. Either constant quarrels or cold wars, and there is never a better way to communicate.
For example, because the other person is busy with work and neglects you, different people may deal with it differently
Violent Communication: Negative + Complaining
You know every day that you're busy(Negative)., you pay, I didn't pay for this relationship?Why aren't you there every time I meet me and need you?(complaining).
Non-violent communication: state facts + express feelings + put forward needs
Recently I got sick and you didn't take the initiative to care about me (Present the factsI'm sad about this, and I'm going to feel like I'm not being valued in your heart (Express feelings）。I know you're busy with work, but I need your care and attention. （Demand).
Compounding is not an overnight process, it takes time, patience, and determination. When you face the problems of the past together, strive to improve yourself, communicate openly and honestly, and establish common goals, you lay the foundation for a successful reunion.