Love is not inseparable, but keeping an appropriate distance. Too suffocating love is essentially a moral kidnapping, not true love. Loving someone is like flying a kite, properly releasing the line in your hand, but it will not be completely released, holding the line in your hand, and choosing the strength of the retraction according to the wind outside.
The energy of any relationship is conserved, when you are cold, the other party will be hot, sometimes it is just the right cold and cold, and your relationship will be more harmonious.
01 What you can't get is more cherished
In evolutionary psychology, men have been hunting since ancient times, and what they are good at is chasing their prey, and the more they chase, the more they can feel the joy of victory after they get it. Therefore, compared to the things that are sent for free on the side, the things that are chased by effort will be more interested.
In a relationship, a woman is always too easy to be obtained by a man, or she gets it easily without giving anything, then the man will not cherish you, but will easily give up on you, because he didn't give much at the beginning, and he won't lose anything when he gives up.
If you really want to keep a man's heart, you must learn to conform to human nature, don't follow the man in everything, sometimes the appropriate cold to the other party, to the surprise of the other party, will attract the attention of the other party and re-interest you.
Between people, if you are too enthusiastic, the other party will be difficult to adapt, within a reasonable range, appropriate estrangement, but will arouse the man's desire to conquer, let the other party take the initiative to approach you.
02 Hedgehog Effect: Keep your distance from each other
There is a "hedgehog effect" in psychology, which means that two hedgehogs huddle together to keep warm in the cold winter wax moon, and at first they are very close, but they are pricked by the thorns on each other's body and bruisedLater, they were far away, and they shivered from the cold. In the end, they found a suitable distance to resist the cold and avoid the thorns on each other's bodies to hurt themselves.
The hedgehog effect, it emphasizes that people should pay attention to grasp a proper psychological distance when getting along, too close will breed a lot of contradictions, too far and not conducive to the establishment of intimate relationships, only not far away, keep a comfortable distance, the relationship between two people will develop benignly.
An overheated relationship, whether it is too hot or too cold, will hurt each other, and only by keeping a proper distance can two people get along more harmoniously.
03 Retain your dignity and bottom line
Love your neighbor before yourself. People with self-esteem have a better chance of gaining the respect of others.
No matter how much you love each other, remember to protect your dignity. Many people can't help but rely on each other once they enter an intimate relationship, and even have slowly lost themselves and regard each other as their own.
As a result, the other party dislikes you more and more, and begins to try to get rid of it, and as a result, in order to keep the other party, you start to keep pestering each other, regardless of personal dignity. Unfortunately, such behavior will not get the other person's pity, it will only increase his disgust with you.
The longevity of any relationship does not depend on your humility, but on your own worth. Losing your dignity and kneeling and licking each other will reduce your value.
04 Appropriate disconnection to dilute each other's negative emotions
When two people are together, it is inevitable that there will be impulses to leave, and quarrels are inevitable. Sometimes both of them are angry, and continuing to discuss will only escalate the problem and intensify the conflict. Two people should calm down properly, put down the problem for a while, and try to deal with the problem when both people are calm, maybe the problem between the two people will be easier to solve.
For a while, the two of you will also reflect on your own problems and realize your own shortcomings, which will also help your relationship improve.
When there is a problem in a relationship, it is not really a good way to solve it immediately and immediately, but it may be the opposite and will have a different effect.
Being cold is not about being cold and violent, but about stabilizing each other's emotions and then trying to solve the problems between you.
05 What men need is dependence, not control
Many women like to think about each other everywhere in their relationship, and arrange everything for each other in an orderly manner. They think that in this way they can be cherished by men, but in fact, what men need is never a woman who arranges everything for nothing, but a person who needs himself.
If you think about the other person everywhere and do everything well, the other person will not appreciate you, but will feel that you are controlled. Men like the feeling of being needed by a woman, not the feeling of being cared for. You are a husband and wife, not a mother and child, and once the distance is too close and the position is reversed, many problems will slowly emerge.
Feelings are like kites, the more tightly they hold the string, the more the other party wants to break free, but when they are released without restraint, they fly aimlessly and are shaky. Retracting freely, loosening at the right time, will make the kite fly more and more steadily.