Recently, with the hot broadcast of the variety show "Goodbye Lover 3".
The news of the divorce of the observer Melody has also been repeatedly sent to the hot search.
Unlike her usual lively and cute public persona, Melody shed tears many times during her observation. seems to see those heart-piercing moments, and also recalls the marriage relationship that I once had chicken feathers.
Melody told a story:
One day, she bought a box of peaches, and her husband said that she liked to eat hard peaches, and the child said that she liked to eat soft peaches.
She remembered this in the middle of the night and quickly sorted the peaches and put them in the refrigerator.
However, halfway through the work, she suddenly felt very aggrieved:
Has anyone ever asked me if I like to eat hard peaches or soft peaches?”
Sometimes, she describes herself as the best person in the family, and no one cares about her emotions.
It was such heart-piercing moments that were piled up in her marriage that strengthened her determination to end her 17-year-long marriage.
Melody's story has resonated with countless women.
In fact,Every woman who is disappointed in her marriage is likely to be defeated by a chilling moment.
"I want him to hug me,
But he suddenly fell asleep."
@米朵, 36 years old, freelance
Some time ago, I was sick with a virus, and I couldn't find out what the virus was when I took blood, and I was groggy and nauseous and wanted to vomit. My daughter was also sick, with a high fever that did not go away, and she kept humming at night.
called my husband **, only to know that he was socializing outside. I stayed up until he came back and took over my daughter.
But as soon as he got home, he suddenly fell asleep on the couch.
I think he could at least come and hug us, check on our condition, talk to us, and he actually fell asleep.
A lot of times a greeting and a hug can solve a problem, but I never wait.
Listening to his snoring like a dead pig, I felt for the first time that I couldn't live this day. ”
"I want him to say something for me
But he was silent."
@婷玉, 40 years old, legal person of the company
Marrying him is to see that our three views are compatible.
We are both Dinks, and we have long made up our minds not to have children for the rest of our lives.
Of course, I personally feel that my career is also my child, and I don't feel any regrets.
But last month, his parents came, openly and secretly provoked him to divorce me, wanted him to find a young woman to have a child, and said to me with a smile: 'Everyone has their own ambitions, you have your ideals, and my son also has his plans, there is no need to force ** together.'" ’
I think it's ridiculous, it's our mutual decision, how did it become my fault alone?
This home is ours, and I've had enough of my mother-in-law's control and interference.
I looked at him and wanted him to say something for me. As long as I say one sentence, I admit it, and I will never be angry.
But he avoided my eyes and said nothing.
"I want him to educate his daughter,
But he took his daughter to a big dinner."
@泡芙姐姐, 28 years old, working mother
It is said that raising children requires the joint efforts of parents, right?
But I always felt like I was hitting cotton.
Once, my daughter got into a fight with her classmates at school and scratched the faces of other male classmates. The teacher invited the parents and told me to educate my daughter well.
I told my husband in advance that we should unite and educate our daughters together to set an example.
But when I turned around and went to pack my things, the father and daughter disappeared. When they came back, I found out that my husband had taken his daughter to McDonald's.
Looking at the ostentatious expression on my daughter's face, I had mixed feelings in my heart.
I couldn't sleep at night and thought about his 'backstabbing' to me over the yearsThe home of two people, how can you do it if you don't go to one place?The more I think about it, the more aggrieved I become. ”
"On my birthday
He suddenly asked me to clean the toilet."
@瓢虫花, 31 years old, is a company employee
November 4th was my birthday, and it happened to be a Saturday, so I was looking forward to having a fun weekend with my husband.
But he slept until noon.
I pretended to be calm and told myself, 'He must remember your birthday, he's just acting.'" ’
But throughout the day, he either played games, ordered takeout to eat, or continued to sleep. It wasn't until after eleven o'clock that I finally believed that there were no surprises.
Just when I was about to **, he suddenly said to me: "Wife, our toilet is yellow, you can brush it." ”
At that moment, I was in a bit of a trance, remembering his courtesy and thoughtfulness when I first fell in love, and now there is only shirk and perfunctory.
I have also changed from a carefree girl to a housewife who works day and night, and I can't help but feel sad. ”
"The moment I approached him,
His phone screen went off suddenly."
@静静, 48 years old, clerk
We have been married for 20 years, and the relationship has long since changed from warm to dull, sometimes I think, plain is dull, it's okay to live a life so peacefully.
But one night, when we went for a walk after dinner, he walked ahead of me and kept looking at his phone.
I suddenly wanted to see what he was looking at, so I went straight up.
But the moment I got closer, he suddenly seemed to be frightened and turned off the phone screen.
Looking at his frightened expression, I didn't say anything, but I knew that my marriage might not be as stable as I imagined. ”
In a marriage of chicken feathers,
How to maintain selectivity?
Psychologists have said:"Each of us has a guide in our subconscious to find our ideal partner. ”
Before stepping into the palace of marriage, we will more or less have beautiful fantasies about our other half.
But after entering the marriage hall, I spent the filter period of love, but found that the other party was a little different from my ideals, and even different people at all.
No one's marriage is perfect, and most of those couples who have walked hand in hand for decades have the idea of strangling each other hundreds of times.
After getting through it, you can't do without it.
If you can't get through it, you separate.
Reality is never that changing people and paths can solve all the problems of life.
If you want not to be defeated by the trivialities of marriage, the most important thing is to leave room for yourself.
Regardless of whether the marriage is insisted on or not, the choice must be firmly in your own hands.
So, how can you have the power of choice in a chicken feather marriage?
My suggestion is:
First, let go of self-presuppositions and accept the differences
In a husband and wife relationship, we often have a preconceived notion about ourselves, what kind of person we should be, what kind of person the other person should be, or what we think marriage should be.
However, this presupposition often prevents us from looking at each other objectively and also accelerates our experience of disillusionment.
In order to have the power of choice, we need to let go of this presupposition and accept the differencesOf course, this difference must not touch the bottom line.
For example:
Boys may just like to speak logically and ignore emotional communication
When encountering conflicts, boys may prefer to find a solution directly, and girls will prefer to sort out the source, etc.;
Accept your own imperfections and the shortcomings of the other person, as well as the diversity and uncertainty of your relationship.
Only in this way can we look at problems more openly and look for effective solutions.
Second, change the focus of your life and strengthen your inner strength.
In marriage,It's easy for us to focus on each other and try to be happy by changing each other.
However, this approach often makes us lose ourselves and does not really solve the problem.
We can focus on our own inner growth.
This includes cultivating one's own emotional independence, improving one's sense of self-worth, boosting one's self-confidence, and more.
Find those hobbies that you like and are good at, develop them, and grow them
Reach out to different social circles, make more friends, expand your spiritual realm, and plunge yourself into the wider world without being tied down by marriage.
Third, we need to learn self-care and build a self-support system.
For example:We can pay attention to our bodies from time to time and exercise regularlyMaintain a good diet Xi habits and sleep quality, which helps to improve physical fitness and immunity, and provides a material basis for self-support
In addition to that,There are also things we can do that make us feel happy and satisfiedFor example, reading, traveling, exercising, watching movies, etc., doing these things can bring us positive emotional experiences and enhance the power of self-support.
At the same time, we can also relax our minds and minds through meditation, yoga, deep breathing, etc., reduce anxiety and stress, and improve our self-care ability.
Here I will teach you a method called "Body Perception Training".
Here's how:
Choose a quiet environmentSit back, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. Pay attention to the sensation of breathing, pause after each breath, and then inhale again, keeping your breathing natural and comfortable.
Shift your attention to your body,Scan all parts of your body from head to toe, noticing any tight or uncomfortable areas, and try to let your breath fit into those areas to relax them.
Do some simple body movementsSuch as stretching, turning, or relaxing a specific area. These exercises help to improve the sensation and cognition of the body.
During exercise, pay attention to sensations such as touch, temperature, and muscle tone in your body. Try to incorporate your breath into these feelings to make them more comfortable and relaxed.
For specific areas, such as the neck, shoulders, back, or abdomen, a deeper perception is possible. Try to let your breath penetrate deep into these areas to make them more relaxed and comfortable.
Throughout the process, stay focused and relaxed. Don't let your thoughts interfere with your perception and breathing, focus on what your body feels in the moment.
My dear, no matter what difficulties and challenges you face in your marriage, don't give up on yourself.
Let's stay positive, keep learning and Xi growing, and keep exploring our potential and possibilities. Only in this way can we become better versions of ourselves and make our marriages better and happier.
If you want to improve your awareness of intimacy and self, you can also listen to itTeacher DefenofIntimate Relationships course, from the specific method of Xi to gain the wisdom of harvesting family happiness.
May every woman be able to find herself, regain her self-confidence and strength, and become a better version of herself.
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Curated 丨kiwi
Editor丨Yifan.