1 Friends gathered, barbecued together, there were very young children to participate, I roasted a few chicken wings, held high to the children: "Children, if you want to eat chicken wings, shout uncle, I will give it!" ”
A group of children all looked at me timidly, and no one shouted.
At this time, my son ran over, looked at me pitifully, stretched out his hand, and shouted, "Uncle! ”
2 I went to take a photo today, changed my clothes and sat there waiting for a photo, when I heard a girl with a very thick voice shouting: "Which lady asked me if I had any shoes from Si'er just now!" There is no women's model, and I struggled for a long time to find a suitable one from the men's model. shouted for a long time and no one paid attention to her. Then she shouted, "Leave your feet exposed, and I'll see who doesn't have shoes." I'll go! You say she's annoying, I approve of barefoot photos!
3. My girlfriend has a fitness card plan**. After a month of exercising, she happily said to me, "You see, my belt used to be only fastened to the first hole, but today it can be buckled to the second hole." I looked at it and said, "Well, you've really gotten stronger." ”
4My daughter-in-law was lazy and never cooked, but yesterday she made braised fish on a whim, and I hurried over to taste it when I got home. She asked urgently: Is it delicious? I said, "Yes, it's a little salty, and the scales haven't been scraped clean." Daughter-in-law: Do you still have to scrape fish scales? I said, "Of course, when we clean the entrails...Daughter-in-law: Do you still want to clean up the internal organs? Wow, I threw up and then fell to my knees.
5 Today on the bus, a young mom is holding a little boy! The little boy opened his eyes wide and said to me, "Auntie, you are so beautiful!" ”
Her mother corrected, should you call Auntie at such a young age? I'm secretly happy...
Then, the little boy immediately changed his words and said, "Sister, you are so beautiful."
The whole car laughed!
6 The goddess who chased college for three years took the initiative to ask me if I had a girlfriend today, and I said no, and she actually offered to be my girlfriend. I told my buddy about the situation, and he said, "Wait, we'll decide in three months." How many meanings does this mean?!
7When I was in college, my sister fell out of love, and she was going to die, in order to comfort her, I said that the boy was useless, a scumbag, and my sister was really in a much better mood, and I also felt that as her confidant sister, I was very satisfied with the successful persuasion...The next day, when they appeared in front of me holding hands, I really wanted to find a crack in the ground to get into!
8 Marrying a daughter-in-law, marrying a shrew is not afraid, even if it is a Hedong lion, when it is done, it will be easy to do it when it is tired. Don't marry a vexatious, angry and ignore people, no, today is a cold war with me again, seeing that she ignores me, I boil water to make tea and drink, put the kettle on the gas stove to boil, and then go to play games, play distracted, forget about boiling water. Suddenly, the mobile phone called, it was my mother calling, and I hurriedly answered it, only to hear my mother shouting in **: "You kid burned through the bottom of the kettle, and your house is going to catch fire." "I rushed into the kitchen and calmed down the hidden danger. Afterwards, I was a little confused, huh? Mom has clairvoyance, huh?
9 A sister went to the market to buy fish, and picked it seriously by the fish pond, and suddenly a fish jumped up all of a sudden, and slapped her tail on the girl's face, and the girl was furious: Boss, just this one, kill it directly!
10 "Boss, what kind of meat are the meatballs in your soup, they look a little raw?"
Let me introduce you to it. Friend, this is pork meatballs; Pork meatballs, this is the customer. ”
11 wife a fat man is also very fond of eating, when watching TV at night, my wife said: My colleague went out to play in the group again, went to Sanya, her husband didn't say anything, so he told her not to go to the sea, afraid of taking her away, I said: Then you will go next year, I will also say, my wife innocently said: Is it not for me to go to the sea.
I said: No, you have to keep your distance from the dining table, I'm afraid that you will refuse to board the plane when you come back fat...
Then, I was beaten and my nose was bruised and my face was swollen...I said the wrong thing.
12I introduced a boyfriend to my girlfriend's cousin, and my cousin asked me how I was. I replied: "This is a good buddy of mine, handsome and rich in the family, and the most important thing is that he is a typical warm man, who can definitely take care of you after being proficient in laundry and cooking!" ”
My cousin was very satisfied, but when she left, I noticed that my girlfriend seemed a little unhappy, so I asked, "Honey, what's wrong?" ”
The girlfriend said angrily: "What's wrong? There are such good boys who don't keep it for me, and they're embarrassed to say they love me all day long? ”