1+2+3+4" for refinement, i.e.:
1 premise. The only prerequisite for change is to know yourself, and the only person who can help you in this world is yourself.
2 thoughts. Everyone hovers between the rational and the emotional. A truly powerful person is the coexistence of reason and emotion.
3 states. Everyone has a state of children, parents and adults, the trinity, and the reason why adults are suffering is precisely because they are not in the state.
4 coordinates. There are four coordinates in life, and the coordinates you choose determine what kind of person you become, and "hello, I am good" is the ultimate goal of our struggle.
Part 1 - 1 premise.
The only prerequisite for change is to know yourself, and the only person who can help you in this world is yourself.
Because, since we were young, we have been instilled by adults with the idea that expressing negative emotions such as sadness and anger is a sign of incompetence and cowardice, and that we will be disliked and bored. So, we learn to deceive ourselves and hide our true emotions, as if only by doing this will adults be happy and we will not get hurt.
When he said, "I'm just a person who doesn't get angry," Heron saw through the illusion he had woven for himself, and realized that instead of not being angry, he chose another way to get angry. When ** said "I'm fine", the heron let him see his sadness and despair clearly, and he kept asking ** what he really felt, because truth is the entrance to understanding the inner world. When he blamed the people around him for misunderstanding and making him sad, Heron broke his biggest lie: no one can make you unhappy, it is you who choose to make yourself unhappy.
The first step to improving your mood is to know yourself and discern the true emotions within you.
Mr. * finished the first consultation and asked Heron as he left, "Do you think I'm going to get better?"Heron replied, "I believe that everyone has the power to be better, and I will pour my full attention into you." But in the end, it's all up to you, and the person who can help you is yourself, and only yourself. ”
Part 2 – 2 Thoughts.
Everyone hovers between the rational and the emotional. A truly powerful person is the coexistence of reason and emotion.
WhewYesIt's rational, and what is emotional?To put it simply, rationality means that a person can make rational analysis and judgment on a certain matter, and his mind is not hot-headed and his decision-making is not impulsive. Emotionality, on the other hand, is a person who treats a certain thing completely by his mood, and is prone to being emotional and reckless. Different things have different ways to deal with them, and it cannot be said that a person is rational or emotional, it depends on the nature of the matter.
So we have to find a balance between reason and emotion.
Part 3 - 3 states.
Everyone has a state of children, parents and adults, the trinity, and the reason why adults are suffering is precisely because they are not in the state.
In the process of Mr. **'s consultation, Heron divided our lives into three states: children and parents.
1. Children's self-state. When a person is in a child's ego state, he subconsciously reacts with childhood Xi and behaves like a child. In this state, he will instinctively be submissive and dependent on others, recreate the situation of the past, experience the painful emotions that have been suppressed in the past, and learn nothing new.
2. Parental self-status. People who are in the state of parental ego are either critical of others or critical of themselves. People in this state will repeat the views and values learned from their parents with words and deeds, and try to make others accept their own set of ideas. He will even point the finger of judgment at himself and engage in merciless self-criticism.
3. Self-state. In the state of self, we can get rid of emotional control, plan, consider, decide, act reasonably, and solve things in the moment with knowledge and skills. The ego state is the only state in which you can learn new knowledge about yourself, because in the child's ego state, you are only experiencing the emotions of the past, and in the parental ego state, you are either being picky or educating others, so neither state will learn anything.
So, how do we mobilize the ** self state in a timely manner?
After careful analysis, Mr. * realized that he had actually been in a state of childhood ego all along.
** in childhood, from a prominent background, but has always been unhappy. His father often criticized and blamed him, but his mother was obedient to his father's authority and rarely hugged and comforted herself. In order to please the love of his parents, the ** in childhood had to make behaviors such as obedience, please, apology, and dependence, and gradually formed a dependent and pleasing personality. And the essence of growth is to gradually break the dependence relationship, become an independent person, obedience leads to ** dependence as life itself, childhood dependence on parents, adulthood depends on the outside world's affirmation, once he receives a negative reaction, he either pleases others, or self-criticism, pain, so he has not grown up.
Every child is born with a blank piece of paper, and the parents are the ones who paint, and the key to what the blank paper becomes is the parents. ", Adults' behavioral Xi are learned from childhood, and they will also subtly affect people's lives.
Part 4 - 4 coordinates.
There are four coordinates in life, and the coordinates you choose determine what kind of person you become, and "hello, I am good" is the ultimate goal of our struggle.
The heron has asked two questions: the first question is: What do you think of yourself?How are you?The second question is: how do you see others?How is he?
Based on the answers to these two questions, the following four life coordinates are generated:
1. Hello, I'm not good. People at this coordinate see themselves as victims of life and are unable to control their lives, resulting in feelings such as anxiety, depression, and self-blame.
2. I'm good, you're not good. People in this coordinate often occupy the commanding heights of power and authority, often attacking and blaming others, generating emotions such as anger, criticism, and accusation.
3. I'm not good, and neither are you. People at this coordinate are more precisely "criminals", who are both inferior and arrogant, both self-deprecating and aggressive, emotionally capricious, and prone to revenge against society.
4. Hello, I'm good. It's not just a state, it's a choice and a commitment. You believe that you are good, and you believe that others are good, and through your actions and attitudes, you continue to show goodness to yourself and others.
In the interview with **, Heron also reaped growth, and he was no longer as dogmatic and strict as before. He said to Mr. ** that this state is a higher state of life - empathy.
Empathy can take you further on the path of self-growth and perfection because it will take you from being an individual to a symbiotic relationship. Independence implies a sense of pride in being yourself, but also unique talents, parts that make you different. Independent people are always guarding their newfound autonomy. But symbiosis is a sign of maturity and self-acceptance, which allows you to connect and collaborate with others socially and at work.